Rori over at Between my Sheets has undertaken the humongous task of coming up with the Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2009 Retin For Sale, . Retin a cream or gel, She started doing this last year and found the adventure to be such a success that she's decided to make it an annual event. She did this with the help of a handful of helpful people:

• Lilly (from This Could be Dangerous)


• Nadia West (from Diary of a Kinky Librarian)


• SSS and ♀ (from Sweat Shop Sissy)


• Mischief (from The Sexual Buzz)


• Vixen (from Secrets of a Blue-Eyed Vixen and Tits for Troops)


• Amber (from Scarlet’s Letter)


• Miss KissThis (from Miss KissThis)


• DeDe the Deviant Dyke (from Deviant Dyke)


• Monica


• Sara


• Sarah


• Sera (from Letters from a Seraglio)


• Sexy @ Forty (from Sexy @ Forty)

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1. Coquitten (website)


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11. Sylvanus…


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56. Ms, organic alternatives to retin a. Retin a more blackheads than before, Justine (website)


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62. Anakan…


63. and Padme (website)


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66. Amber (website)


67. Lucy Vonne (website)


68. Rogue (website)


69. SSS (website)


70. Kyle (website)


71. Amorous Rocker (website)


72. Sera (website)


73. Lolita Wolf (website)


74. Elle (website)


75. Scarlet St Syr (website)


76. Charlotte Thorpe (website)


77. An Unassuming Girl (website)


78. Maymay (website)


79. True Pleasure (website)


80. Bad Influence Girl (website)


81. Diva (website)


82. Raven Quince (website)


83. Autumn (website)


84. Vanilla Impaired (website)


85. Wil (website)


86. Robin (website)


87. Panthera Pardus (website)


88. Ell (website)


89. Miss Communication…


90. and Captain Pants…


91. and A.E. (website)


92. Roxy (website)


93. Secretly Naughty (website)


94. Abby Williams (website)


95. Subheart (website)


96. Sequoia Redd (website)


97. Innocent Loveboy (website)


98. Liljgrrl…


99. and Nawa*G (website)


100. YOU, cheapest retin a online. Retinol vs retin a, As always that last person on the list is you. Please, retin a dries out your skin, Retin a micro 0.1 testimonials, please, please leave a comment below promoting your own blog (or the blog of someone you love), french retin a. Diagram of retin a, Links are welcome, as long as they lead us to a sex-related blog, retin a over the counter, Face peeling with retin a, not a retail website or porn aggregation site.

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It's been three months since I bought my strap-on harness and black silicone dildo. When I first got them, I was super excited and felt naughty and sexy. I couldn't wait to try them out. But that weekend, Boy Toy had some sort of eye infection and we decided to wait. Then we went through something of a dry spell, leaving kink aside for a while and not having much sex either.  It took a few weeks before Boy Toy started feeling submissive and horny again, and when I decided to take advantage of that and try my new toy, well it was my turn to be sick.   I started to wonder if maybe I wasn't all talk and no action. I mean, I talked about it a lot. It was fun to make Boy Toy nervous by mentioning how it'd be time to try the strap-on sex, soon! Yet I wasn't doing it, and the excuses listed above couldn't really, totally account for that. Maybe I was afraid? Maybe I didn't actually feel like doing it? Of course, Boy Toy wasn't begging for it to happen, either. No, he was being his bratty self and doing his best to avoid getting it in the butt. Well, I think I know the answer now: it seems I simply needed to be in the mood. Last week, I read a bit of erotic fiction by Thumper. I thought his story was so hot that I sent Boy Toy the link, knowing he'd find it hot, too. From it, I loved the idea of ear plugs and a blindfold, leaving the poor "victim" clueless as to what was going on around him. So before going to Boy Toy's Friday, I rummaged through my drawers and found some never-used ear plugs that I slipped in my backpack. Friday night wasn't the night. We were both dead tired and actually went to bed really early. Saturday morning, though... As usual, Boy Toy got up before me. I have a vague recollection of reminding him, sometime during the night, that he should stay naked in the morning until I told him he could get dressed. So he was naked when I came down. After our coffee, as he was sitting at the computer and I was standing behind him, I distractedly massaged his shoulders. When I heard him moan with pleasure, I offered him a little massage and he accepted gratefully. We spread a blanket on the couch, he lay down and I got the baby oil out. I poured a generous amount on his back and started rubbing. As I massaged the oil into his skin, I admired his broad back, his strong, well-shaped shoulders, his sexy butt... and kept thinking about my strap-on harness. Finally, I bent down and breathed "I'm having some kinky thoughts" in his ear. I had him turn on his back, kissed him and told him to close his eyes. I got the ear plugs out of my backpack and went back to sit next to him, telling him I had something for him. When he opened his eyes and saw the ear plugs, he was puzzled for a second but I told him to put them in and close his eyes again, which he did. I went to the toy box and got a blindfold and collar, and put those on him. I wanted to lock the collar on to make him feel more submissive and to make sure he knew he had no choice but to do as I say. Then I got the strap-on harness and dildo, put them somewhere handy. Next, I grabbed the camera and shot a few pictures of my deaf and blind boy toy. 

By then, he was leaking pre-cum copiously. I put the camera aside and sat on his face. No need for instructions here, he promptly started licking and suckling, his hands roaming my body, occasionnally pinching my nipples, quickly bringing me to orgasm.

Once thoroughly satisfied, I got off him, wiped his mouth and kissed him. And I put on my strap-on harness with my shiny black silicone penis. This was it.

Boy Toy was still lying on his back, not moving. I removed the ear plugs because I wanted to be able to give him instructions and check up on him. I kneeled between his legs and told him to sit up and open his eyes. He gasped when he saw what I was wearing, but I'm sure he knew what was coming. He couldn't not know.

I ordered him on his hands and knees and there he was, his butt sticking out. It was a bit awkward, even funny, at first. Trying to get into the right position. Then starting to go in and asking 10 times if he was ok. Twice he told me to add more lube but I didn't see how I could put any more! Still, not wanting to hurt him, I obliged. And then, finally, I was all the way in.

I started to tentatively thrust back and forth. Slowly, softly, never pulling completely out. Then I reached around him with my lube-covered hands and started stroking his penis and his balls, still fucking him. Soon, I had him moaning. All too soon, he was squirting all over the blanket. His orgasm sounded intense.

I carefully pulled out and he got up, blushing. I went to clean my toy and found the part of the harness that goes over my pussy thoroughly soaked... Apparently, fucking my boy in the butt turns me on. A fact that surely made said boy nervous.

I felt giddy. We showered and I chattered happily about how I had just used a strap-on and dildo on him. After the shower, he did what many submissive men do once they have an orgasm: he became less submissive. He started running around the house, doing his things, and I just watched him with a knowing smile, causing him to stop and go "What?!"

Oh, nothing, Boy Toy. Everything's just fine. :D 

Just as I had a lot of mixed feelings going to my first fetish event, I hesitated writing about it, too. It's not that it didn't go well at the club, but the night did end with an argument between Boy Toy and I. Probably one of the worse we've had, and probably one of the most useless, too. But don't worry, this was months ago and it's long forgotten. And now that I've got the awkward part out of the way, I might as well tell you the rest of my story. A few of our friends go to fetish nights almost every weekend. Boy Toy had been to many, many such events, just not since he was with me. On top of that, I guess we see our kink as something private. It IS sex, after all... Still, I let my friends convince me into accompanying them. I was curious and I thought Boy Toy would like this. I figured I had to go at least once! I was nervous. I didn't know what kind of things would happen there, what kind of people I'd meet, how the evening would transpire... I felt pretty insecure. This is, in part, why Boy Toy and I fought, later. I needed him by my side, a dutiful submissive. But he wasn't feeling like himself, had just quit his job, lots of changes going on and so he wasn't there for me the way I expected him to be. On top of that, because I was nervous, I drank too much and well there you go, you have an explosive mix. That aside, it was a very interesting experience. I do know people that aren't necessarily in our circle of close friends and who, it turns out, were there. Now, the part I'm about to tell is another reason I hesitated to write this post: I was afraid the guy in question would stumble upon my blog and recognize himself in my story. Well. I guess it's just a risk I'll have to take. K, if you ever read this, just pretend you never did, okay? ;) So, we walk into the club and what do you know, the first person we run into is this guy I know, K. He was surprised to see me there, said something along the lines of "I didn't know you were into this kind of thing". Ah, well, here I am. K was wearing a straitjacket. A real one: his arms were tied behind his back and he couldn't use his hands at all. I laughed at his predicament and asked him how the hell he managed to get his drinks wearing this, to which he replied that he had others do it for him. "Great!" I thought. Without hesitation, I fished around in his pants' pockets, found some money and walked to the bar. I bought myself a shooter and a drink for him (of his choosing), with a straw. And for the next half hour, he was like my little puppy dog, following me around because I had his drink (he couldn't hold it). Every once in a while I'd give him a sip. I'm not even sure how this even happened. It seems funny to me that I stepped right into this dominant role, as if it was totally natural for me. Which it isn't, not really. Or maybe it is. I don't really know for sure. All I know is that it felt fun and daring and sexy, and Boy Toy was quite impressed when I went up to him with my (temporary) boy in tow and told him I had a slave. It was quite an evening, really. Another of our friends was wearing this dog collar and I had his leash in my purse. I was responsible for it. Not that I'd be using it, but I would be choosing who I gave it to. I gave it to this girl I know, and it was kind of hot. There was also a show of sorts going on. A guy doing some very kinky things to this girl on stage. It was fascinating. In a way, I felt strange standing there, observing something so intimate and sexual. The girl was blindfolded and one could tell she was totally, completely in sub-space. Her reactions were amazing to watch. I won't go into more details than that because, well, anonymity, you know. But, wow. Then later on, I was talking to K again and he mentioned flogging. When I said I had never seen this done, he had me follow him to some other section of the club (which was really big and in which I kinda got lost, after). He had some guy he knew tie him up to some sort of contraption, and flog him. This is when things got a little too fuzzy for me, I tried to go back to Boy Toy and couldn't find him and I got angry at him, so we cut the night short and went home.  Now it's months later, and writing about it makes me realize that we should do it again, sometime, and communicate better first about what I expect and how he thinks he'll feel. That night, he was in his own little thoughtful universe, and I, unfortunately, failed to see it because I was in my own little nervous universe.

Given the subject matter of my blog, I assume many or most of my readers know what a BDSM checklist is. But I didn't, when I first started seeing Boy Toy. For those of you who might not know, a BDSM checklist is a list of sexual activities related to sadism and masochism, power play, fetishes, kink... There are different lists out there (for instance, here, here and here), but the bottom line is that for each activity, one must indicate their level of experience and their willingness to explore it - or not. These checklists are usually filled out by submissives and given to potential Doms. I believe the idea is to help along with pre-play negotiations. From what I've read online, it is suggested for the Dom to fill one out as well, and then compare lists to see if both players are compatible. That's not really how it happened with Boy Toy and I. He's the one who mentioned the thing to me in the first place, since I didn't know about it. I wanted to know what he liked, kinky sex wise, and he's not one to just enumerate his kinks in a casual conversation. I've bothered him with this many times, and the best he can come up with is: "It's no fun if I just tell you, better if you find out." Humph. All well and good, but... I'm new at this. Remember? Oh and I'm insecure, too (someday I'll stop using this as an excuse/crutch, I swear). He tells me I should do whatever I feel like, but I'm not that imaginative, and I don't really feel like doing anything he'd hate. I'm a junkie for his reactions, I love, love, love seeing him gasp, blush, get wet, hard... But the opposite is also true and any negative reaction just kills me.  So somewhere in our conversations, the BDSM checklist came up. He had filled one out for a previous partner, it turns out, and I think he still had it. But that was a long time ago and things change, so I decided he should fill it out again, for me. As an assignment. A few days later, he shyly presented me with a bundle of pages. Ten pages. This particular checklist comes in five columns. The first one lists the activities, naturally. In the second column, Boy Toy had to indicate with a yes if he'd ever done the activity, and for each of the activities he had done, in the next column he had to mark how he felt about said activity (0 means did not like at all, 5 means a wild turn-on). That's three columns. In column number four, for each activity he'd never tried before, he had to write if he wants to explore it, the choices of answers being yes, no, maybe, as punishment and not yet. Finally, in the last column, for each yes, maybe and not yet, he had to indicate how he felt about exploring the activity in question, with the same scale from 0 to 5. Ten pages means a LOT of activities. Some of them, I must admit, have me raising an eyebrow. Cold room? What, does that mean I'd lock him up in a cold room? Or delibaretly keep the heat low, in winter, and force him to strip? I also admit I don't know what's the difference between "Daddy/boy" and "Daddy/boi". Dilation. Injections. Gun play?! I guess I'll be Googling these eventually... Nonetheless, this is a great, great tool to have. This list is a complete, in-depth tour of Boy Toy's kinky side. For instance, thanks to the checklist, I know that he's already been given away temporarily (he liked that) but never tried gun play (phew!). He likes house rules, but house work not so much. Humiliation is ok in private, but not in public. I know that he's never tried harness-suspension play but would very much like to. This is  where I got the idea of trying hypnosis play (he'd never tried it before, but was pretty turned on by the idea). I haven't used Boy Toy's checklist to negotiate anything with him. I use it to know how to get to him. So a tool of power, not one of negotiation. I haven't filled it out in return, either. It's my opinion that I totally won on this one, and if I ever lost the list, I'd definitely have him fill out a new one.

I've been having a bit of a dry spell, lately. Not really feeling inspired to write, and not much happening on the sex side either. We both work hard, we hate winter, we're stressed, we're tired... All these things conspire against us. I would lie if I said it didn't bother me. After all, I still have control of his orgasms, and it used to be that after just a few days of denial, he was totally aroused, could think of nothing but sex, and he would beg me for release. Not so anymore. What can I say, life interferes! But it's ok, if it bothers me, it's just my insecurity talking. That being said, we did have something of a breakthrough, two weekends ago. You see, Boy Toy had always refused to masturbate in front of me. He felt way too self-conscious to do it. Didn't matter if I ordered him to, he was too shy to do it. And I just love a challenge. So, two weekends ago, we were in the shower together, as is our habit when I sleep over. It was Saturday morning, and we hadn't had sex yet that weekend. Come to think of it, he probably hadn't had an orgasm for at least a week. I got him all worked up, using my hands, and when he was nicely hard I took his hand and closed it around his cock. He immediately let go and started groping me, instead. I patiently put his hand back around his cock. We repeated this a few times, then when he said "Come on! Let's fuck!" I became more insistant. "Do it", I told him. And he did. A year and a half, I've been with this guy. I don't even know how many times I've tried to get him to masturbate for me, for my viewing pleasure. And I don't know what did it this time, but I'm not calling it a breakthrough for nothing! I never thought I'd find it so hot to get a guy to masturbate in front of me, for me. But it was... He was standing really close to me, close enough that he came all over me. We were under the hot water, and while he was jerking off, I was kissing him, fondling him, cajoling him. Yes, definitely hot. Now, regarding that dry spell... I have a few ideas. He still owes me two weeks as my slave. And I still haven't tried out my new toy. Then, there's the option of simply stretching the denial period, wait until it finally gets to him. Have him give me oral sex, while he gets no release... That's hot, too! Yes, there are definitely quite a few options to get us back on track.

A few days have passed since last I wrote. When I left you, Boy Toy was locked in the CB6000 and I was just fresh out of a face-sitting session. Unfortunately, he isn't locked in the CB anymore. I can never bring myself to leave him in very long. It just looks so... uncomfortable. And he complains about it. When I saw him Friday night, he told me he had slept really badly because of the device. Then he mentioned he wanted to go jogging that day but couldn't because of his predicament. And he told me he was itchy because he couldn't shave underneath­... Finally, a little frustrated, I handed him the key. I understand, though. It does look pretty cumbersome. Besides, for me, the point isn't the device but the denial. I've said this before: I kinda prefer the denial without the CB. Sure, locking his sex away is kinky, but when he doesn't masturbate simply because I told him he can't... that's hot. The control is more mental. And there is no feeling of guilt for the discomfort the device can cause. So that's how things stood Friday night. He was free. Yet he hadn't had an orgasm in several days, since I've instructed him not to for three days before every Friday. That's my way of having a fresh, eager Boy Toy when the weekend finally arrives and I get to see him. Nothing much happened for the rest of the weekend, until this (Sunday) morning. Sometimes we just don't feel up for it. Actually, even this morning, I still didn't feel up for it. We were sitting on the couch, naked, and that's exactly what I was reflecting upon, thinking about how I didn't feel like having sex at all. Funny thing, really. He had just brought me my coffee, and we were just sitting side by side, sharing a tiny little blanket and trying to stay warm. It was a chilly morning. Then Boy Toy got a cigarette out and assumed his smoking position, that is, kneeling naked in front of me, for my viewing pleasure. How I will miss this when he finally stops smoking! Anyway... I playfully mentioned the red silk trigger words, and he told me he had had a strange, kinky dream. A dream in which I was wearing a red dress, which is funny because it's the second time he dreams of me wearing that, lately, and I don't own such a garment. I'm thinking it has to do with red silk. His cigarette finished, he joined me again on the couch. He said "It's weird, right now, how submissive I feel..." I wonder if it has to do with my uttering the trigger words. And then...  And then I decided I'd given him a long enough break. We played with orgasm denial earlier this Fall and although I loved it, things started getting really stressful for Boy Toy, work-wise. I backed off because I felt that's what was needed. His mind was too taken by the whole denial thing and he needed it focused elsewhere. Now, he's still busy. But he's had his break. And maybe, just maybe, this will somehow help him with his stress. Both MyKey and Marianne suggested as much in their comments to my last post. Marianne, in particular, says that "being dominated can really take you outside of yourself, make you feel like someone else is taking over the pressure." In Boy Toy's case, I'm not sure, but I feel like trying and I'll see as we go along. So we sat there and I told him he couldn't come anymore unless given permission. And to my surprise, this turned me on. I felt the familiar throbbing start down in my pussy. I mean, I knew I liked playing this game, but this is new. As for Boy Toy, he must have felt submissive indeed, because he curled up next to me, with his head in my lap. Finally, we decided it was time to shower. I had Boy Toy wash me. I instructed him on how he should wash my hair, how much conditioner to use and how to apply it, which soap to use for my body and occasionally, I had to point out a spot he was forgetting, such as between my toes. I even had him wash my face. It was sweet.  When he was done, I told him his next job: I wanted him as my stool. He looked at me a little perplexed, so I explained I was going to sit on him. Still confused, he said "Here?" We were still in the shower. I'm sure I had a sparkle in the eye when I said "No, no. You'll see." And he did see: I repeated last Thursday's little scenario. I just enjoyed the face-sitting too much. The feel of his tongue working my pussy, teasing my clitoris, while his hands roam my body... I think I'm addicted. This time, I moved off his face after the first orgasm. He sat back up and I teasingly rested my wet pussy on his penis. I sat there for a bit, with his hands on my hips while he did his best not to ravage me. And then we did have sex. He's pretty lucky, my Boy Toy. We launch into orgasm denial... with an orgasm! I figure it'll help him get through the week. By Friday, I'm sure he'll be pretty frantic. And in sub-mode.

Sorry for leaving you hanging with my last post. It wasn't an intentional cliffhanger. My first thought was to write about Friday night's sexual antics but then I realized I needed to explain the hypnosis thing first to set the stage. And it turned out to be a complete post, in and of itself. Besides, I was sleepy and my cold was making me feel a bit dizzy, so I decided to tell the rest later and go for a nap. So where was I? Ah, yes. I was about to tell you what went on Friday night. There was a lot of naughtiness involved, and not much hypnosis, to tell you the truth. But it did come into play a little, and I would like to think that it worked. Boy Toy certainly does, and he says he's scared. Anyway, on with the sex, I'll tell you a bit more about the hypnosis after. When I got home after work, Friday, I continued talking to Boy Toy on MSN. I told him I had a dilemma, I was wondering whether to take a bath here or shower at his place. He solved it for me when he said he had to shower too; a few minutes later I was on my way to his place. After a quick bite, we hit the shower. As you know, this is a favorite of mine, to be under the steamy hot water with Boy Toy. We hadn't had sex in two weeks and I know he hadn't masturbated since the beginning of the week. I think I forgot to mention it here but I've instructed him not to jerk off for 3 days before Owner Fridays. I want him to be fresh and attentive, when I finally see him. So predictably, we started fooling around. Kissing, fondling each other. After a while I turned my back to him so he could fuck me. He rubbed my clitoris mercilessly with his fingers while penetrating me and so I came almost right away. He, on the other hand, ended up having to stop. He had gone jogging the day before and his thighs just couldn't take it. When he stopped, I pressed my hand flat against his chest, pushed him away from me and started to rinse out my hair. When he reached for me and whimpered, I said: "What is it? What do you want?" Eyes downcast, he replied: "I wanted to come, but it'll be another time, I guess." You got it, Boy Toy. We got out of the shower and soon, he wanted a cigarette. This was just what I had been waiting for. I wanted to try the trigger words while he was naked and in a submissive position. You know, so I could easily see whether it affected him or not. He stripped, kneeled in front of me and started puffing on his cigarette. I waited a minute or so before I said: "You know, I was thinking I'd buy myself a new scarf. I was thinking red silk." Slight pause. "Why red silk?" "I don't know. Red silk is soft and sexy. Don't you think red silk is a good idea? I like it. Red silk." As I was saying this, I was paying close attention to him. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary, though. He finished his cigarette and asked if he could get dressed again. I said no, of course. He should know better than to ask me that, by now. He joined me on the couch and snuggled against me under the big, soft down blanket. After a few minutes, I thought I'd test the waters, see if he was more submissive than usual. "Give me a massage", I told him. I'm not normally very authoritative and usually, I would have asked, not told. His answer? A definitive "Ok", without hesitation. He went to get some baby oil while I stripped. Up until then, he had been naked and I was clothed. I like the imbalance, how it makes him feel vulnerable and subby. Now we were on equal grounds. He massaged me, rubbing the oil into my skin. When I was satisfied, I told him to make me come. He was still straddling my back. He immediately turned around, still straddling my back but facing the other way, towards my legs, and started working on my clitoris with his fingers. Once again, it didn't take me long... We snuggled together, naked. I reached down and started playing with his penis. I soon had him erect and pretty damn horny, so I made him lie on his back and it was now my turn to straddle him... He came quickly (we both always come quickly) and I must say, it was intense. After all the frolicking, we finally sat down and got to talk about the hypnosis session recording, which I had him listen to three times last week. I told him about how Lady Julia uses the phrase "good boy" many times throughout the recording. I also told him about the trigger words, red silk. He admitted that he had felt something when I said them. "It was as if the words meant something", he said. I don't know, though. Since the suggestion embedded in the recording is a general one, it's difficult to tell if anything is a hardproof that the hypnosis worked. Sure, the words got his attention when I said them. And he grudgingly admits to feeling submissive and kind of aroused after I uttered them. But hypnosis is a fetish/fantasm of his, and so of course he'll react to any attempt at it. It scares him yet turns him on. I did use the trigger words a couple more times throughout the weekend. Last night, after going out, we had drunken sex. We were both very horny but he was having a bit of a hard time because of the alcohol. I whispered "red silk" in his ear. I think he got hornier. I'm not sure. This morning, he didn't remember that I had said that. At any rate, in the end we gave up on sex. We were both a little too enebriated to come ;) This morning we were sitting on the couch, he naked and I dressed (it was a little too chilly for me) and I looked at him, smiled and said the words. He got all flustered, saying that he feels strange when I use the trigger. Hmmm, interesting! We then jumped in the shower and I reached for his penis and started caressing him, thinking I'd make him come that way. But it turned into full blown shower sex. This time, his legs held on... It was short, but oh, so intense! I still feel a throb between my legs just thinking about it. So there you have it. A very sexy weekend indeed. As for our conclusion concerning the hypnosis? I think Boy Toy is suggestible enough that hypnosis would/did work on him. He reported feeling strange when I called him a good boy and when I said red silk, before I even told him these words were meaningful. I asked him for his final verdict of my little experiment and he is convinced it worked. He is quite scared of it and of what I'll do with it. And that's what remains to be seen... One thing is for sure, I would love to learn to do it myself. 

We had a not-really-Owner-Friday, yesterday. Not really, because I just sort of let things go as they would. I could have said, Boy, this night is mine. Or better yet, Boy, strip and put on that harness. But I don't know, I'm pretty spent on Friday nights. Plus I have a bit of a cold. As a matter of fact, I took a tylenol for cold earlier today and it's making me feel a little dizzy. So if my writing's fuzzy, please do forgive me. So, I was saying. Not-really-Owner-Friday. Well, as it turns out, our friends had other plans and we spent the night just he and I, which was nice. It gave me the perfect opportunity to test out a little something, and I must say, it's really, very interesting. Let me go back, here, to give you some background. A while ago, a very helpful gentleman named Robert left a comment on one of my posts suggesting that I try erotic hypnosis. When I expressed my interest, he was nice enough to provide me with some information and suggested I visit his friend's website, Lady Julia's Entranced Realms. I did a bit of reading on Lady Julia's site but was unable to find actual instructions on how I could hypnotize Boy Toy myself. Perhaps I wasn't looking in the right place. I know there is a site she links to, but I would have to become a member. I figured I'd try to learn a bit more before going there. Her site does provide several hypnosis MP3s and this week, I decided to look into those. I checked out her Red Silk recording (warning to men who might want to have it tried on them, I give out information you probably shouldn't read before trying this). The MP3 is a little over 15 minutes long and it contains the following:

• Breathing induction utilizing the temptation of submission.
• Deepener utilizing visualization of individual body parts.
• Visual deepener with submissive overtones.
• Suggestions of arousal and submissiveness.
• Countdown deepener with submissive overtones.
• Visualization of arousal and submission.
• Trigger for use by the subject's Mistress.
• Upcount waking sequence.

I listened to the whole thing, not wanting to expose Boy Toy to it without knowing exactly what I was getting him into. I had to fight sleep the whole time, it was a bit late at night and Lady Julia has such a relaxing, put me to sleep, voice. I mean this in a good way ;) Basically, the recording is a hypnosis session meant to give the subject feelings of submission and arousal. There is a trigger word, Red Silk, worked into the session so that the Mistress can later use it to bring forth these feelings. Ok, sounded benign enough to me, so I sent Boy Toy the direct link to the MP3, with orders to listen to it when he went to bed. The next day, he reported that he fell asleep while listening and woke up during the up count. His feeling was that it hadn't worked, because he fell asleep, but my opinion was that you are SUPPOSED to fall asleep! I told him to listen to it again when he went to bed that night, which he did. I had to do a lot of reassuring with Boy Toy throughout the whole thing. Hypnosis clearly is a big fantasy of his, and it scares him a little. He had these visions of finding himself doing whatever I wanted with just a little trigger word, and being unable to resist. He even dreamed about it a few times this week. That's Boy Toy for you: bring something up in conversation or something, and he's bound to dream a kinky dream about it. You gotta love a boy like him! Friday my boss wasn't there so I took advantage of this to log into MSN Messenger and chat some with Boy Toy. He felt nervous and a little more submissive than usual, he said. But then again, it could just be a phase he was in, as this does happen. Especially since he hadn't had an orgasm all week. Sometime during our chat, I told him he was a good boy. Lady Julia says "good boy" quite a few times during her recording, so I thought I'd use it, too. Well, Boy Toy reported feeling especially happy, as if I had rewarded him somehow. Cool! When he said he was feeling sleepy and decided to go for a nap, I told him to listen to the MP3 one more time. I didn't tell him anything about its contents, didn't mention anything about the "Good boy" bit, I just left it at that. I had plans for later that night... To be continued. :P

Meet my vibrator, the G Twist. I call him the Smurfator, obviously because he's blue.

 

He is my very first, and I got him a little more than a year ago. As common-place as a vibrator may seem to you, in a way, this puppy marked the beginning of my sexual explorations. When it comes to sex, I'm a late bloomer. Well, not completely, as I had sex for the first time when I was 16. I believe that's a reasonnably young age. But for some reason, my sexuality never developped much more than that, for the longuest time. Even masturbation, which I imagine is the first thing most girls experiment with, some as young as 8 years old (Ms Inconspicuous for instance tells of her first masturbatory aid at age 10 or 11)... Well I remember touching myself, a little, when I was 12 or 13, maybe 14. But I never got myself off. I felt guilty and dirty. I don't know where I got that guilt. My parents never said sex was bad, that I can remember. They're pretty open, really. I remember my mom sitting at the kitchen table and casually talking about sex with my brother's girlfriend (who must have been around 16 or so, then). When I first had sex, I somehow got really scared that I had gotten myself pregnant and I was nervous enough to make my period late. Well, I told my mom about it and she was great. Cool, helpful, never judgemental. It was a false alarm, thankfully, but I'm still very grateful for her reaction. After that first experience, I kept having boyfriends and sleeping with them, nothing strange or unusual there. Finally, in my early 20's, I managed to make myself cum. That's right. Early 20's. Maybe even late 20's, come to think of it, I'm not sure anymore. During that time, my sex life remained very vanilla. Ok, it went beyond the missionary, but not much further ;) There was some oral sex given and received. Hand jobs. The occasional 69. With one partner, I was even wild enough to try anal sex, once or twice. Excited yet? I bet. And I bet you can well imagine that when I first met Boy Toy and he told me that he, and many of his friends, was a kinkster, I got a little intimidated. The whole thing is just really, really silly. Here I was, a grown woman (I was 28 when I met Boy Toy for the first time) who was raised in a very open and loving family, who was never told sex was bad in any way, who hung out in goth-ish bars where half the people were into fetish and dressed accordingly, and I let this intimidate me? Hell, a little thing like kissing a girl made me totally shy (well, it still does LOL), yet all my friends were doing it! After some time, I just couldn't ignore anymore the chemistry, the attraction, between Boy Toy and I, and I finally made my move. So we started fucking. And talking. And exploring. And playing. And one of Boy Toy's first ideas was to buy me a vibrator. We shopped online for it together, emailing each other links to toys that seemed interesting. I got quite into it and read a few things here and there on how to choose a vibrator. I finally settled for the G Twist because it seemed sturdy, I liked that it was splash proof and made out of silicone. It was supposedly stronger than most silicone vibes and gave good g-spot stimulation. Plus, let's face it, it looks wicked! I don't regret my choice. This is a reliable toy. The only thing though is that I'd advise the use of lube with it, as the material makes it less than slippery. Other than that, no complaint from me. It uses AA batteries (very practical) and lasts a hell of a long time on them. Well, I find. So Boy Toy ordered and got the toy, and of course, he did the honors of first trying it out on me. And frankly, that's the best use I've found for it so far: Boy Toy using it on me. Sometimes he'll surprise me with it while massaging me... Wow! I've brought it in the shower with me, once. Took me about 10 seconds to get off, and THAT is a record... I still don't masturbate very much, the touch of another turns me on much, much more. But still, that's progress, right? My first sex toy! Or maybe it was my second, I did get the remote control vibrating egg quite early on with Boy Toy... (you can read that story here).

I’ve had a bit of an interesting conversation with Saratoga, following one of his posts. In a reply to my comment, he referred to me as Boy Toy’s Mistress. Isn’t it funny, that my first reaction was to guffaw and deny it? “I don't consider myself his mistress, I told him, I consider myself his owner.” Because, in my mind, “Mistress” and “Owner” are different; it’s a matter of degree. I like to think of myself as Boy Toy’s Owner. Mistress seems too severe, too harsh, for poor little beginner kinky girl me. But Saratoga begged to differ, and told me he finds the term “Owner” to be far edgier. He went so far as to write a whole post about his perception of the two terms, using the Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary to support his opinion. He went on to explain:

“Perhaps that's really the core of my own perception of the difference. Mistresses may have male submissives. Female Owner's have male slaves.

And, perhaps, the implication is that a Mistress might have a more emotional connection with Her male submissive than a Female Owner would for Her mere male slave. Then again, perhaps the enslaved male is so because of his Female Owner's deep desire for him. So great as to make him Her owned property, totally Hers, rather than merely Her submissive.”

I couldn’t help but smile to myself when I read this, as I consider the term “Owner” the “softer” term because for me, it involves an emotional connection, whereas “Mistress” just seems… dry. Less involved. Maybe I sort of thought "Owner" went with "relationship", and not "Mistress". But that’s just my take on it. I think Saratoga’s and my perceptions differ because he looks at it in such a logical, analytical, way, not at all unlike Boy Toy's way of thinking, while I, ever the woman, approach it from an emotional standpoint. In other words, I went with my gut feeling. But it gets more complicated. I don’t consider Boy Toy to be my slave or my submissive. Maybe this is due to a remnant of Vanilla Girl in me. I don’t know. I find these two terms to be somewhat permanent or full-time, and my Boy Toy and I only delve into power play on occasion. I don’t dominate him all the time. Outside of play, we’re a pretty regular couple, really. And the power play is always sexual, too. Well, mostly... There IS the cigarette contract, and a few other rules here and there. Still, I like to think of him as mine, and of myself as his Owner. The notion simply appeals to me. I find it hot. Although, I secretly believe that this is just a normal occurence, in a relationship. And as if it's not complicated enough, it’s all entangled in this strange and strong emotion, “love”. One day, last winter, Boy Toy and I were online chatting and the conversation drifted towards ownership. Not that we were talking about the term itself or using it, but I was saying that I liked the idea of him being mine, or something along those lines. I don’t recall how I put it exactly, but he took it as me sort of saying I wanted to own him. So he said “Well, if there ever was a time to say it, this is it.” Confused, I replied “What?” I really had no clue what he was talking about. “Well, here goes... I love you”, he said, for the first time.