I emailed BT during the day yesterday and asked if he’d be free for half an hour to an hour in the evening. This is me trying out different approaches: asking in advance if he’s available, providing him with an idea of the duration and giving him the opportunity to say “No, tomorrow’s better.” In the past, I might have made my little naughty plans then spring them on him, only to get turned down and feel absolutely crushed. Because hey, how could he refuse kinky sex with me?

So it’s a learning process. In this case, it worked; he did have a bit of free time in the evening. He asked me if it was for HNT pictures. It wasn’t, but I thought it would make a nice addition…

I got home from work and we ate, then I asked if he was still available for a bit of downtime with me. He said he had a few things to finish and we agreed to meet again at 7.

At 6:45, I got up and closed all the curtains. I went through our toy box and selected a collar and some handcuffs, which I set aside for later use. I then went to the bathroom and stripped down to my underwear. Finally ready, I went back to my little computer corner and sat down, waiting for BT. When he showed up a couple of minutes later, he gave my barely clad body an appreciative look and immediately made a comment about what I was wearing. I took the advantage to point out that he was way too dressed and that I wanted him naked. “Naked naked?” he asked. Well, yeah!

While he was taking off his clothes, I grabbed the collar. I waited until he was nude, then I put it around his neck. Next came the handcuffs. He didn’t question, he put his hands behind his back and I restrained him. He can be quite well behaved.

I sat down on the couch and dropped a cushion on the floor in front of me. He knew enough to kneel on it, without needing to be told. I moved closer to him and grabbed his cock, which went from flaccid to f*cking hard in about 3 seconds. Excellent!

I rubbed a bit, then brought my lips close to his ear and whispered “Don’t you dare cum!” Of course, I was aware that this alone would probably bring him even closer to the edge. He was dripping profusely, enough that it started acting as a lubricant and making my job that much easier.

All of a sudden, my phone, which was next to me on the arm of the couch, started ringing. I looked at it and said “I won’t get that.” But after a couple of rings, I changed my mind. I decided that taking the call while still fondling my handcuff Boy Toy would be pretty hot. So I answered. It was my cell phone provider, trying to sell me some sort of new service (GAH!). The guy started by asking me how I was doing, trying to make conversation before offering me anything, so it was a few moments before I could reasonably say “Not interested” and hang up, all the while jerking BT off.

By then, he was pretty lost, begging me to let him cum. Instead, I stopped, because I knew he couldn’t hold it much longer. I removed my panties and sat back, wanting him to go down on me. When he saw that, he thrust his cock forward and said something like, why not fuck instead? I sat forward again and quickly guided him in, let him thrust once or twice, then backed off. I knew this was all he could take.

He really CAN be a good boy: as soon as I sat back, he went right down on me. It felt amazing but I was a bit distracted, my shoulder and back were hurting me. I think I pulled something this weekend. I don’t know if it’s the same for guys, or even other girls, but I can’t really cum if I’m distracted. But I wanted my orgasm, so I resorted to a different tactic. I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him into me, grinding my pussy on his mouth. That worked beautifully.

BT’s work was done. I got up, picked up a washcloth in the bathroom and wiped his mouth, which was dripping with my juices. Then I uncuffed him and we sat together for a few minutes, relaxing. He told me he wasn’t sure he could hold until Friday. I felt a little bad, since I am punishing him for breaking a “rule” I didn’t really establish first, so I told him if he was really, really good, I might let him cum before then. He said he was good now (which was true) but I still want to make him wait a bit… This is just too much fun.

We took a few pictures for HNT, then he went back to work.

Today, he wrote again that he really needed to cum soon, that just rubbing on the bedsheets this morning brought him close to bursting. Oh, how I love his desperation and begging!

Friday night, Boy Toy and I had a nice supper together, along with good wine and good conversation. We cooked cedar plank salmon (you have GOT to try it!) with a side dish of carrots glazed with balsamic vinegar and butter. (Cooking delicious food is such an important part of our life, and even our relationship, that I’ve decided to share some of our favorite recipes…)

So we ate and talked. Then we moved on to the couch, where we talked some more. After a while, I laid down and put my head on his lap, and he put his hand in my pants. He started playing around with his finger, then asked “Is this the spot?” I laughed and teased him, telling him that after 2 years and a half, he sure should know where my clitoris is… But the truth is, he was slightly off. This just goes to show how rarely he uses his fingers only on me. It’s usually intercourse or his tongue, which do the job beautifully, thank you.

I put my hand over his, guiding his finger to just the right little spot, and I found myself suddenly buckling under the onslaught of sensation. Boy Toy continued exploring, using my body’s reactions to guide him, with my occasional suggestions, until I came nice and hard. A nice, intimate moment which was interrupted by his phone ringing: his friend wanted to know if he’d come hang out.

Boy Toy told him he would “check with the boss”. He put the phone aside and asked me if he could go. This is when I remembered that he told me, a few days before, that he was ready to get back into kinky stuff. I also thought back to our conversation just before, when we’d been talking about properly “training” him. I has asked him if some of his exes trained him, and how. He wasn’t very elaborate on this one, implying that it should be up to me.

I took a quick decision and told him: “You can go, but if you go, you get no orgasm for a week.” After all, he was cutting our nice evening together short, AND he forgot to invite me along to his friend’s. You see, I kinda want to teach him thoughtfulness. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t really want to go and quite enjoyed having some time to myself. He still didn’t think of me, and, well, I just love denying him. The fact that his last orgasm was about a week before only adds to the fun, really.

He cringed but took the phone back and told his friend he’d be on his way soon. I guess he REALLY wanted out of the house

Next morning, in the shower together, I made sure to get him as close to cuming as I could. He was VERY hard and begged me to let him cum. I would gently massage his cock, going faster and faster until I felt he was on the verge, and then I’d stop. I was behind him, with my arms wrapped around his strong, muscular body. After a while, he turned towards me and tried finding a position in which we could fuck, which is not exactly easy standing in the shower, facing each other. He managed it for a bit, until I stopped him because it was just too arduous. I turned my back to him and took his hand, guiding him between my legs.

This is something I really enjoy, feeling his body enveloping me, one hand working on my clit, the other busy pinching my nipple (I’ve realized since I’m with Boy Toy that I really like getting my nipples pinched when I’m horny). I usually feel his hard cock between my legs, sometimes fucking, sometimes not. This time, we weren’t fucking; this was for me, not him. That thought alone got me quite excited and it wasn’t long at all before I came.

Earlier today, I asked him if he was itching to cum, yet, and he said “Don’t mention it!!! It’s been on my mind.”

This should be an interesting week!

I was going to answer some of the comments I got on my last post, Kinky matters, but it was getting long and so deserved its own post.

First, thanks to everyone who commented. Your comments are always thought-provoking – and helpful!

roo-roo in particular went against the general consensus regarding locking up my Boy Toy while I’m away for the Holidays:

To counter the internet propaganda, I want to say I’m glad you’re thinking of his needs and desires when considering whether to lock him up while you’re away.

Personally, I have to wonder if it’d be worth it. Wouldn’t you rather lock him up while you’re there with him, able to tease, play, and enjoy his chastity? From my experience, chastity + distance = bland. But it may not be that way for you two, as things can vary with each couple.

I think roo-roo’s right when he says I’d enjoy it more if I was around. Not only that, but I agree that it is important to take into consideration his needs and desires…

That being said, I tested the waters by mentioning quite a few times that I’d lock him up when I left. He didn’t seem to warm up to the idea, gave me all kinds of lame excuses (can’t go to his parents wearing big baggy army pants…). It’s hard to tell if his no actually meant yes. I kinda thought so, until I mentioned it again and he said he was a bit thoughtful and mixed up these days, he feels we have issues to discuss and understand better and it might not be the best of times to play this game.

The worse part is, when he told me this, I had already decided to do the opposite: not only leave him unlocked while I’m gone, but also allow him to masturbate. It’s been a rule between us for a long, long time now that he isn’t allowed to masturbate (or rather, orgasm) unless I let him. And I never let him, unless it’s with me. I kinda like being responsible for all his orgasms. But I thought, why not give him a break? Plus, I wouldn’t be around, which would really give him free rein. After all, when would he masturbate if I’m always here? He’s too shy to do it in front of me and we share the same bed, the same shower, etc. And so, I continued pushing the “locked up” idea, with the intention of surprising him with my special Christmas gift on the day I left.

This unfortunately backfired when he said he was mixed up these days.

Frankly, when he first said this, I was a bit hurt. I guess I just don’t know how to take what I saw as his rejection of my domination. It’s hard not to see it as rejection and remember that it’s about his needs and desires, as roo-roo put it. When he said we had things to think through and discuss, my first thought was that I’m not very good at the Domme thing; I can’t even figure out if his no means yes, if the timing’s not right, etc. And when I do try to impose my wants on him, he doesn’t obey. Humph.

My second thought was that the “things to think through and discuss” mean our relationship’s going badly. Very scary, for me. But Boy Toy assured me that the fact that he wants to think about things to understand them better is a good thing. Ok, but that still means my plan got all screwed up!

I went to see him, a little later, and told him what I had intended. He barely reacted, which twisted the knife just a bit more. Then he asked why I looked sad about it. But how to explain it? I just… felt sad. Sad that my plan didn’t work, that things seemed so complicated, that communication between us is so hard…

But then, relationships are always a learning process. Always. And these days, I’m learning a hell of a lot. I think we both are and I think it’s a very good thing.

<3

I thought I had a pretty hot idea, leaving him a note to put on the CB6000, but after a few days I realized he just didn’t seem to be into it. No subby behavior, no constant arousal, nothing. A few kinky dreams, true, but the lack of reaction gave me enough second thoughts to go up and see him, last night, and tell him I didn’t think chastity play was a good idea at the moment. He said he had been having doubts too, given our problems these days, and I needed no more convincing, I gave him the key.

It’s a lesson learned. I wanted to spice things up a little, in the hope that the fun and games would make us feel better, bring us closer. Plus, I usually love locking him up because he becomes so subby and kinda desperate. It’s really hot, and I wanted this but it’s just not a good idea when our couple’s going through something of a crisis.

It seemed to be going well Saturday: we took a shower together and he asked to be unlocked so he could shave. I agreed, as long as he put it back on after. But being in each other’s company, naked under the hot water, almost always brings on naughtiness. I was determined to keep playing, though, so I let him touch me all over, bring me to orgasm, but I did not let him come. He was fucking horny and begged to come. I kept refusing him, until he suggested I handcuff him, make him come, then lock him back up before removing the handcuffs. I agreed. And then I added “I think this needs the strap-on.” Now, we were getting somewhere!

But what is it they say about the best laid plans? As soon as we got out of the shower, Boy Toy got the handcuffs out… and started fretting about the renovations he had planned on doing that day. When he said we’d have to hurry because he had work to do, it had the effect of a bucket of cold water on me. I told him we didn’t have to have sex if he wanted to work on his renovations, and he opted to go back in the CB. I felt horrible. He was choosing renovations over sex. He said he wasn’t, and that I always perceive things as an attack on myself, but, I mean… My feelings of being undesired came crashing down on me and that was it for the sexiness that day.

We had other difficult moments this weekend, but good ones too. As I mentioned in my previous post, we talked for almost 2 hours Friday night, while busy emptying a good bottle of wine. We had agreed to keep this talk positive, which was a wonderful idea. We talked about kink, among other things. Boy Toy described his first experience as a Dom. He told me he thinks he dominates the way he likes to be dominated; he likes to objectify, to make the sub know and feel that she is his, he likes to impose a position which leaves the sub totally exposed… A fascinating insight in how my Boy Toy thinks, and a great help for dominating him later. I was definitely taking notes.

Now, things are a bit better. I don’t know how, but I think we may have somehow re-opened the lines of communication. Maybe because I bombarded him with emails explaining how I felt, sharing some thoughts I suddenly had and just generally trying to bridge the gap between us. Something I said must have reached through to him, because he’s suddenly present and actually communicating. Right now, we’re chatting about some kinky stuff…

Yesterday night, before I went to bed, I left the CB6000 on the counter in the bathroom, with a post-it note which said “Put it on!”

It woke me up when he joined me at 2 am, and I sleepily felt his crotch to see if he had obeyed. “It’s on”, he said, and I went right back to sleep. Today, at work, I had afterthoughts so I emailed him to make sure he was ok with it, considering how things have been of late. We only got to talk about it when I got back home from work, but I’m satisfied that it’s not a hard limit. He says he’s ok with it as long as I don’t do it as a means of getting what I want. What I told him is: “I’m doing it to get what I want, yes. But not “relationship-wise” (which is what I think he meant). I’m doing it to get your attention, sexually.”

Because a locked-up Boy Toy is a different Boy Toy. I’m sure most men into chastity play know this. I guess maybe I’m cheating a bit, because I wish I had this kind of attention from him all the time, in the “normal” course of our relationship, if that makes any sense… He thought I was saying it was a means of getting more attention, but that’s not really it. It’s not the same kind of attention. Constant sexual awareness and wakefulness, is more like it. And I simply love that.

We opened a bottle of wine and talked, tonight. It was great. We talked about kink and I’m feeling more positive than I have in a long time. I’ll have to tell you all about it another time, right now I gotta go finish my wine.

Tom over at The Edge of Vanilla wrote a great post this weekend, in which he attacks the common notion that to lock up a cock is emasculating, belittling. That it’s done for humiliation purposes, the penis basically considered useless. I had never thought about it that way myself, never really reflected on it, even though Boy Toy and I frequently indulge in orgasm control/denial, and I read Tom’s post with much fascination… and lust, I must admit. In it, he says:

“One of the reasons that she kinks on chastity and denying me, is that she sees it as having power over a part of me that in itself is powerful. Mrs. Edge does not lock up my “worthless little dickie” (or worse, my “sissy clitty”… ugh, sorry, just the term grates on me). Rather, she locks up my cock – my thick, raging, turgid, veiny, purple, manly, hard cock.”

Exactly!

Ok, I do not want to judge other people’s kinks, so if you do like the “worthless worm” type play, please don’t be offended. What’s hot to you is hot to you. And I guess it’s the game, the humiliation itself, that must be hot to both humiliator and humiliated. But it’s just not in me. I love Boy Toy and it does not feel natural at all to me, to treat him as a small man. I totally look up to him. Which might seem contradictory with the fact that I dominate him.

Yet it’s not. It’s all the more hot that this big, strong man whom I really admire and love, whom I think is smart, wild and independent, will kneel for me, submit to me. It’s not only hot, I see it as devotion and love. Sure, it turns him on, it’s not all selfless, but he wouldn’t let just anybody dominate him. And, well, I also love to have such an effect on him. I love to see his reactions, I feed off of them, as I’ve already mentioned before.

Ranat, in answer to Tom’s post, goes on to say:

“Another reason why I’m attracted to chastity/orgasm denial with male bodies is because of the cultural idea that their cock is valuable and worth something to them. And I get to have control over it even thought it is so valued, precious, and guarded.”

That’s also a pretty sizzling idea. Here’s that thing which has so much cultural bagage, and I get to lock it up and decide its faith. And judging by the effect locking it up has on Boy Toy, it IS important to him. Seems to me that a man’s penis is very central to him. It’s no wonder we constantly joke about men thinking with their penises…

It wasn’t exactly true that there isn’t much going on in my life in terms of kink these days. There’s at least a little happening. Nolens Volens asked me, in reply to my previous post, when was the last time I put Boy Toy in a device and by doing so, he reminded me that I had Boy Toy locked up while I was out of town.

It’s become almost customary for him to be locked up when I’m away. I’ve come to very much enjoy the state he gets into; he’ll message me frequently, tell me he misses me, act all subby… I know for a fact that I’m on his mind (he does tell me he thinks about me more than I seem to believe), and it’s great. It’s my little secret which makes me smile whenever I think about it.

So the day before I left, I made him put on the CB6000. We were downstairs when I told him it was time. Good boy that he is, he went upstairs and proceeded to put the thing on. I went up a little while later and asked if he was wearing it, and a good thing I did since he hadn’t locked it. Apparently it’s psychologically difficult to close the padlock…  

Boy Toy maintains that he cannot go jogging when wearing the chastity cage. I’ve read men saying otherwise, but he insists on wearing these little tight black shorts that would show quite a bulge. Sometimes I think he’s being difficult… but I don’t find it easy being a hardass. When I left, I knew he’d been jogging regularly and wouldn’t want to lose his rhythm, so I planned. I hid a key.  

A day or two into my trip, when I knew the weather was nice, I texted him asking if he would like to go jogging. When he replied “Yes, please!!!”, I told him where the key was hidden, and that he was to put the device back on after his run. I also felt a little better knowing he had a key available, in case of emergency or something.

This was the first time I locked him up and allowed him access to the key. Could it be mere coincidence that he barely messaged me while I was gone and wasn’t exactly all subby when I came back? I was a little disappointed, but he says it’s because he’d been busy. Who knows.

All I know is that I wanted my subby Boy Toy. I left the key where it was for one more day so he could go jogging again. That night, I allowed him to remove the CB6000 to shave, and I warned him I’d take the key after. Unfortunately, when he came out of the shower, he told me he was in quite a bit of pain. Seems the device caused some chaffing on his balls. I doubt that’s the good kind of pain so I let him off the hook.

As of now, he’s still free, but I’m hoping to play again sometime soon.

Last week, I wrote of my sometimes hesitation to put Boy Toy in a chastity device because of underlying issues. I tend to over-think and over-worry and in this case, I was afraid of the occasional resentment I feel when Boy Toy is really busy, afraid that I’d be using the CB6000 as some sort of misplaced punishment. But Web made a comment that struck me:

“It may be that his inattention is his way of saying pay attention to me, by showing me you are in control, or you want to control me.”

Ah. Well, we HAD been stuck in something of a rut. Both pretty stressed, Boy Toy especially busy. And me, trying to give him all the space I could despite needing his comfort, feeling sometimes neglected and therefore, not sexy/kinky at all. Maybe if I quit thinking so hard about it and just tried…

So last Thursday, I sent him this email:

I want you to wear the CB while I’m gone. It’d be perfect if you put it on tonight at 6, when I’m due to take the train. Use one of the little plastic lock thingies (safer, since I’ll be far away with the key) and text me the little number on it. I like knowing you’re wearing it while I’m gone, I like the subby feelings it causes in you. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve been having a bit of a dry spell, lately. Not really feeling inspired to write, and not much happening on the sex side either. We both work hard, we hate winter, we’re stressed, we’re tired… All these things conspire against us.

I would lie if I said it didn’t bother me. After all, I still have control of his orgasms, and it used to be that after just a few days of denial, he was totally aroused, could think of nothing but sex, and he would beg me for release. Not so anymore. What can I say, life interferes! But it’s ok, if it bothers me, it’s just my insecurity talking.

That being said, we did have something of a breakthrough, two weekends ago. You see, Boy Toy had always refused to masturbate in front of me. He felt way too self-conscious to do it. Didn’t matter if I ordered him to, he was too shy to do it.

And I just love a challenge. Read the rest of this entry »

Kink… I guess you could say it’s my New Year resolution. But it doesn’t really matter whether I make it a resolution or not: with Boy Toy and I, it’s inevitable.

We started 2009 with a bang, an orgasm for him I mean. He hadn’t had one since the Sunday just before Christmas. I was away for a few days after that and I had instructed him not to cum unless allowed. I got back on Monday and saw him that night, when he cooked for me. After supper, I teased him a little, then sat on his face for some release. For me. I decided I wanted to keep him denied a little while longer.

I saw him some more Tuesday and last night, but sex just wasn’t on our agenda. This morning though… We were snuggling in bed and I reached down, started stroking him. Soon, I was sitting on him, pinned on his cock, and we were both cuming. A good beginning for 2009. 

I know, I know, that wasn’t so very kinky. But there’s more naughty stuff coming, I promise. Last Monday, Boy Toy went over his cigarette limit. By the time I got there, he had already had one too many and he was itching for another. He asked me if he could smoke one more that night, and one less the next day. But I had something else in mind… Read the rest of this entry »