Oh, hi there! Yeah, I’m still alive. There just hasn’t been much going on kink-wise these days, so I have trouble finding things to blog about. I don’t really want to get political (I’ve always avoided politics anyway). I could probably start a food blog with all the cooking that goes on in this house, but yeah, that’d have to be a different blog. Or would it? Does kink go well with food?

Anyway, things have been allright. I’ve been keeping busy, as usual. The days are definitely too short! I guess that explains in part the lack of blogging. And yeah, there’s also the lack of kinky sex. There’s been sex, though. But winter’s taking its toll and neither of us are feeling especially naughty. Perhaps I just need to take the initiative. Hmm, maybe…

Boy Toy has been having a few kinky dreams. I might get around to posting them, if he gets around to writing them down. It’s intriguing, how he seems a little more attentive after such a dream. How cute is that?

In other news, I had an interesting time at a friend’s house party recently. Someone made a play-flogger and we all took turns flogging each other’s ass. And no, they’re not kinky. Well, not that I know of. We did talk about pain in a sexual context, a little later on. One of my friends thinks that to enjoy pain sexually, you must have had some sort of traumatic experience as a kid. She thinks the whole concept of sado-masochism is unhealthy. A couple of us argued that if it’s consensual, then there is nothing unhealthy there. Perhaps it is caused by some sort of experience as a child, but maybe not. We’re all different.

As I was typing the previous paragraph, I decided to Google “cause of masochism” and the first result brings you to the Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders. Mental disorder? Really? I’m not off to a good start! In any case, this is what they say in regards to cause:

There is no universally accepted cause or theory explaining the origin of sexual masochism, or sadomasochism in general. However, there are some theories that attempt to explain the presence of sexual paraphilias in general. One theory is based on learning theory that paraphilias originate because inappropriate sexual fantasies are suppressed. Because they are not acted upon initially, the urge to carry out the fantasies increases and when they are finally acted upon, a person is in a state of considerable distress and/or arousal. In the case of sexual masochism, masochistic behavior becomes associated with and inextricably linked to sexual behavior.

There is also a belief that masochistic individuals truly want to be in the dominating role. This causes them to become conflicted and thus submissive to others.

Another theory suggests that people seek out sadomasochistic behavior as a means of escape. They get to act out fantasies and become new and different people.

Interesting. And interesting how the text uses terms such as “diagnosis”, “treatments”, “symptoms”… One would think masochism isn’t normal!

I think the smartest thing in the article is this: “Because it is sometimes unclear whether sadomasochistic behavior is within the realm of normal experimentation or indicative of a diagnosis of sexual masochism, prevention is a tricky issue.”

What are your thoughts?

______________________________________________

Edit: I should have read more before posting… The article does differentiate between “problematic” masochism and normal sexual experimentation:

The diagnostic criteria also require that the person has experienced significant distress or impairment because of these behaviors, urges, or fantasies. The distress and impairment can be present in social, occupational, or other functioning.

Sexual masochism must be differentiated from normal sexual arousal, behavior, and experimentation. It should also be differentiated from sadomasochistic behavior involving mild pain and/or the simulation of more dangerous pain. When this is the case, a diagnosis of sexual masochism is not necessarily warranted.