Kinky matters
I’ve been meaning to keep you updated but it seems that I just don’t get any less busy. And I didn’t know what to say.
Still, I thought I’d give you a little update. I did not bring up kink with my therapist, and now I’m not seeing her until after the Holidays. Thanks to everyone who responded, though; you brought up good points and it’s nice to know I can count on my readers when I need to bounce ideas off someone!
I have not brought up kink partly because I’m probably too shy to do it, but also because I don’t think it’s causing problems. It might be a factor to consider in the big picture. I don’t know. But it’s not a problem or a cause of problems. My issues lay elsewhere, in my insecurity, my fear of being abandonned by Boy Toy or that he does not care “enough” about me (have I ever mentioned that an ex of mine left me for someone else?). It could be that sometimes I worry I’m not doing the Domme thing well enough, which I’d say comes from my insecurity. But it isn’t the other way around.
The good news is that I think I’m figuring a lot of things out, with the help of my therapist. Boy Toy and I are still doing good, and it even looks like we’re learning better communication.
One thing I do know is that after more than two years with him, I can still say, without hesitation, that I love him. I’d say that’s the most important thing 
We haven’t been doing much in terms of kinky stuff these last few weeks. I haven’t even kept him locked in the Fort! He’s starting work on new contracts and felt a little stressed so I let him be. I did mention it at one point and he said he just wasn’t in the mood for kink these days. Could be because it’s winter. He assured me it wasn’t me, he wasn’t bored with me and he still finds me sexy. I’ll take his word for it. In the meantime, I still think we should have more sex.
It’s too bad about the little break from kink; I kinda wanted to perform one last test on the Fort. I wanted Boy Toy to wear it out when it’s cold, to see how the steel would react. Would it become cold or retain Boy Toy’s body heat? I want to know because then, he can never beg me to let him out of the device because it’s cold outside. Just like he can no longer tell me I should release him so he can work out. I know for a fact he can work out with the thing on, I had him use the elliptical machine while wearing the cage.
I am also considering locking him up while I’m away for the Holidays. He’s staying behind and I like the idea of him locked up at home. The only thing is, the Fort creates a noticeable bulge and I KNOW he’ll bring that up as an excuse not to proceed. What should I do? Tell him that he’ll just have to deal with it? Or give him complete freedom for those few days I’ll be gone? If you have suggestions or thoughts on the “bulge issue”, I’ll be all ears.
I’m off for now, but stay tuned for HNT later.
Category: Ramblings | 
6 Comments »
December 16th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
You should do what would make YOU happy! You are the the one in charge. If You would feel better having him locked up while You were away, he should do it. He should also do it because he wants to please You and make You happy.
December 16th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Thank you for broaching the subject of a Wife not just keeping her husband in chastity but also her lover.
i can easily see that someday inh the not too far off future as more and more women embrase male chasity that it will be the norm for a wife to keep as many males locked up at her disposal as she desires.
you go girl!
December 17th, 2009 at 10:22 am
To counter the internet propaganda, I want to say I’m glad you’re thinking of his needs and desires when considering whether to lock him up while you’re away.
Personally, I have to wonder if it’d be worth it. Wouldn’t you rather lock him up while you’re there with him, able to tease, play, and enjoy his chastity? From my experience, chastity + distance = bland. But it may not be that way for you two, as things can vary with each couple.
December 17th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
First off, Mrs. Edge had no problem whatsoever leaving me locked up when she was gone for a month. I’m just saying, is all
Actually, leaving him in the 6k for a week might be doable. You could leave it on the looser rings, so even if he could pull out, he’ll still have a collar of sorts to remind him of you.
As for your other issue, as someone who has talked over kink issues with a therapist in the past (and who has both good and bad experiences), I can tell you that a *good* therapist won’t bat an eye; he should ask questions on points upon which he is unclear, and if necessary, be willing to look up some things (websites, etc.) that you give him for some perspective.
That said, some years ago when Mrs. Edge and I were in marriage counseling, we each had private sessions with the counselor. He had no idea that normal people in his town engaged in weird sex acts, and he had a deer-in-the-headlights look for the entire time that I explained to him about BDSM, power exchange, sensation play, etc. I walked out of the private session feeling embarrassed and humiliated.
My advice to you, based on lessons learned: talk to your therapist about this. Ask him if he understands. Be sure to tell him if you’re feeling embarrassed when you do, and then ask him how he feels about this, and whether or not it’s going to be a problem for him. You might be pleasantly surprised.
December 17th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
*hugs* i get the insecurities.. it still blows my mind that i can have such an amazing man with no ulterior motives. he is not looking for the next best thing and that blows my freaking mind.
sucks what those previous bastards do to our heads eh?
keep the love and communication flowing. its the best thing
December 18th, 2009 at 12:34 am
so…may I offer some humble words?
First, I have been under lock consistently for the last 2+ months using a CB6000. I am let out weekly for cleaning and sex and then relocked afterward. One weekend my KH left me unlocked overnight and I have to admit that I really missed the sensations and the dreams. Since then, she hasn’t let me sleep unlocked.
Second and, I think, more important. You should not worry that you are “doing the Domme thing correctly”. The point is that you are doing the kink thing and you are continuing to explore WITH boy toy. If he is anything like me, there is no right or wrong way (assuming no boundaries are broken) to do kink. The entire point of kink is to find new ways to experience each other. The fact that you are worried about it is wonderful. That means that you are committed to him as much as he is committed to you. Every session doesn’t have to involve kink…just often enough that he knows you don’t want it to become routine and that you will occasionally surprise him.
Lastly, don’t let him get away with too much. Again, if he is like me he wants you to push his limits and take charge. It drives me crazy when my KH takes it too easy on me.
OK…i will shut up now. I am thrilled you are doing so well. I love your blog!!!