Wow, thanks to everyone who commented on my post yesterday! I wanted a discussion, and I got one, yay!

Now, there’s something else that’s been on my mind and I just couldn’t talk about it with anyone but Boy Toy. Then I finally realized I could ask my readers! But first, I must confess something: I’ve been seeing a therapist. I was sick and tired of being so damn insecure that it was poisoning my relationship. My relationships, for Boy Toy is not the first to suffer the consequences of my lack of self-confidence. For the longest time, I meant to get help but I never could bring myself to do it. I didn’t know where to start, I didn’t know how it would go, if it would really help, how much it would cost, etc… All very good reasons for procrastinating.

A couple of months ago, however, Boy Toy and I had a huge fight. Things had been going downhill for a while, we were stuck in a downward spiral. The worse it got, the more insecure I felt, the more reassurance I needed, but the less Boy Toy felt up to it. When everything finally exploded, we came this close to breaking up. Well, we sort of did break up. We said we probably should, and Boy Toy left for a walk. I was devastated; I sat in the shower, under the running water, in the dark, for about an hour, crying (I feel like crying just writing about it)… I didn’t want it to end but I didn’t know what would happen when he came back. That’s when I decided I would see someone, whether we broke up or not.

Things have gotten much better since, thankfully, but I intend on seeing this therapy thing through so as to avoid future problems. And this brings me to my quandary, if you will: should I discuss kink with my therapist?

All things kinky in this relationship are things that I never experienced with anybody else before. I don’t believe the playful games are much of an issue, but I wonder about the D/s. Not that I secretely hate it or anything, but it’s not exactly all black and white, all the time, you know? It’s sometimes hard to manage domination when I’m so insecure. Anytime that Boy Toy rebels against my control, it feels like a huge blow, even when it shouldn’t. I mean, it’s normal that sometimes he’s not in the mood. He’s a human being, he works, he gets tired and stressed and all that other good stuff. Yet I take it as a personal slight. Surely, it must mean that I’m not good at domination, I can’t even tell when the timing’s not right… I’m sure you get my drift.

I don’t believe this is part of the source of the problem, not really, but sometimes it would feel good to get it off my chest, to talk about it with someone who’s unbiased and knows how to make sense out of my jumble of thoughts and feelings, someone who asks the right questions. But I think if I brought this up with my therapist, I’d blush for sure. It’s a line I feel unsure about crossing.

What would you do? I’d love to read about your thoughts and experiences on the matter!