My, but time flies! Seems like not so long ago, I was perusing my HNTs, trying to figure out which one I liked the best, and now here I am again.

I bet it’s not an easy task for anyone. Luckily (I think), I’ve been so short on time that I couldn’t agonize over it. Hey, it’s 4 am, I just got back from the club and here I am, sitting at my computer, posting my favorite HNT of 2009…

So I looked through all my HNTs once, and the one that stood out, for me, is a picture of Boy Toy and I. It’s one that I find fun and sexy. It’s a story we were telling, it doesn’t necessarily reflect the truth, yet it’s kinky and playful in a way that does reflect us. Not to mention that I like the way we both look on this one. I’m definitely liking the outfits, mine and his. The click-through wasn’t bad either.

On that note… Good night, and happy New Year!

Want to join in the HNT sexy fun? Check out the guidelines at Osbasso’s place!

Why hello, there!

I’m not here at the moment. You can leave a comment at the end of the post, if you like. And if someone could stop by Os’ and let everyone know I’ve put up my wish list, that’d be nice.. Meanwhile, let me tell you what I’d give for Xmas to…

Vixen: I’m sure many of us will send our Xmas wishes Vixen’s way. And who could blame us? Such a lovely lady! Well, if I could, I’d give her an all-you-can-buy shopping spree at Agent Provocateur. Because she would probably rock each and every one of their pieces, and because we’d get a sneak peek in her HNT pictures. Yumm!

Tom: I’d get him a Fort Stainless Steel Locking Chastity Device. Simply because I know he wants one. And I’d be hoping he didn’t get it before I gave it to him! Mrs Edge would get the key, of course.

And last but not least, I would get the always sexy Lilly an Njoy Eleven, because she wants it but has a hard time choosing to go ahead and get it. I’d be happy to save her from her indecision.  This one was a bit of a cheat since I saw her mentioning it in her last post. But then again, I remember her mentioning it several times before.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Want to join in the HNT sexy fun? Check out the guidelines at Osbasso’s place!

I was going to answer some of the comments I got on my last post, Kinky matters, but it was getting long and so deserved its own post.

First, thanks to everyone who commented. Your comments are always thought-provoking – and helpful!

roo-roo in particular went against the general consensus regarding locking up my Boy Toy while I’m away for the Holidays:

To counter the internet propaganda, I want to say I’m glad you’re thinking of his needs and desires when considering whether to lock him up while you’re away.

Personally, I have to wonder if it’d be worth it. Wouldn’t you rather lock him up while you’re there with him, able to tease, play, and enjoy his chastity? From my experience, chastity + distance = bland. But it may not be that way for you two, as things can vary with each couple.

I think roo-roo’s right when he says I’d enjoy it more if I was around. Not only that, but I agree that it is important to take into consideration his needs and desires…

That being said, I tested the waters by mentioning quite a few times that I’d lock him up when I left. He didn’t seem to warm up to the idea, gave me all kinds of lame excuses (can’t go to his parents wearing big baggy army pants…). It’s hard to tell if his no actually meant yes. I kinda thought so, until I mentioned it again and he said he was a bit thoughtful and mixed up these days, he feels we have issues to discuss and understand better and it might not be the best of times to play this game.

The worse part is, when he told me this, I had already decided to do the opposite: not only leave him unlocked while I’m gone, but also allow him to masturbate. It’s been a rule between us for a long, long time now that he isn’t allowed to masturbate (or rather, orgasm) unless I let him. And I never let him, unless it’s with me. I kinda like being responsible for all his orgasms. But I thought, why not give him a break? Plus, I wouldn’t be around, which would really give him free rein. After all, when would he masturbate if I’m always here? He’s too shy to do it in front of me and we share the same bed, the same shower, etc. And so, I continued pushing the “locked up” idea, with the intention of surprising him with my special Christmas gift on the day I left.

This unfortunately backfired when he said he was mixed up these days.

Frankly, when he first said this, I was a bit hurt. I guess I just don’t know how to take what I saw as his rejection of my domination. It’s hard not to see it as rejection and remember that it’s about his needs and desires, as roo-roo put it. When he said we had things to think through and discuss, my first thought was that I’m not very good at the Domme thing; I can’t even figure out if his no means yes, if the timing’s not right, etc. And when I do try to impose my wants on him, he doesn’t obey. Humph.

My second thought was that the “things to think through and discuss” mean our relationship’s going badly. Very scary, for me. But Boy Toy assured me that the fact that he wants to think about things to understand them better is a good thing. Ok, but that still means my plan got all screwed up!

I went to see him, a little later, and told him what I had intended. He barely reacted, which twisted the knife just a bit more. Then he asked why I looked sad about it. But how to explain it? I just… felt sad. Sad that my plan didn’t work, that things seemed so complicated, that communication between us is so hard…

But then, relationships are always a learning process. Always. And these days, I’m learning a hell of a lot. I think we both are and I think it’s a very good thing.

<3

Want to join in the HNT sexy fun? Check out the guidelines at Osbasso’s place!

I’ve been meaning to keep you updated but it seems that I just don’t get any less busy. And I didn’t know what to say.

Still, I thought I’d give you a little update. I did not bring up kink with my therapist, and now I’m not seeing her until after the Holidays. Thanks to everyone who responded, though; you brought up good points and it’s nice to know I can count on my readers when I need to bounce ideas off someone!

I have not brought up kink partly because I’m probably too shy to do it, but also because I don’t think it’s causing problems. It might be a factor to consider in the big picture. I don’t know. But it’s not a problem or a cause of problems. My issues lay elsewhere, in my insecurity, my fear of being abandonned by Boy Toy or that he does not care “enough” about me (have I ever mentioned that an ex of mine left me for someone else?). It could be that sometimes I worry I’m not doing the Domme thing well enough, which I’d say comes from my insecurity. But it isn’t the other way around.

The good news is that I think I’m figuring a lot of things out, with the help of my therapist. Boy Toy and I are still doing good, and it even looks like we’re learning better communication.

One thing I do know is that after more than two years with him, I can still say, without hesitation, that I love him. I’d say that’s the most important thing

We haven’t been doing much in terms of kinky stuff these last few weeks. I haven’t even kept him locked in the Fort! He’s starting work on new contracts and felt a little stressed so I let him be. I did mention it at one point and he said he just wasn’t in the mood for kink these days. Could be because it’s winter. He assured me it wasn’t me, he wasn’t bored with me and he still finds me sexy. I’ll take his word for it. In the meantime, I still think we should have more sex.

It’s too bad about the little break from kink; I kinda wanted to perform one last test on the Fort. I wanted Boy Toy to wear it out when it’s cold, to see how the steel would react. Would it become cold or retain Boy Toy’s body heat? I want to know because then, he can never beg me to let him out of the device because it’s cold outside. Just like he can no longer tell me I should release him so he can work out. I know for a fact he can work out with the thing on, I had him use the elliptical machine while wearing the cage.

I am also considering locking him up while I’m away for the Holidays. He’s staying behind and I like the idea of him locked up at home. The only thing is, the Fort creates a noticeable bulge and I KNOW he’ll bring that up as an excuse not to proceed. What should I do? Tell him that he’ll just have to deal with it? Or give him complete freedom for those few days I’ll be gone? If you have suggestions or thoughts on the “bulge issue”, I’ll be all ears.

I’m off for now, but stay tuned for HNT later.

I’ve been looking for this man, these last few weeks. Today, I caught him.

Now, I doubt many caught on, but the inspiration behind this series was a song: Headhunter, one of my old time favorites. I’m not sure this is exactly how Front 242 meant to “catch the man”, but I think I like my way better

Happy HNT!

Headhunter

Today has no means, he’s alone and anonymous
But written in his cells he’s got the marks of a genius
I’m looking for this man, to sell him to other men

One: You lock the target
Two: You bait the line
Three: You slowly spread the net
And four: You catch the man

You catch the man!

I’m looking for this man, to sell him to other men
Sell him to other man, at ten times his prize at least
Who’s able to forget them to realize my aim

One: You lock the target
Two: You bait the line

Bait the line! Spread the net! Catch the man!
Lock the target! Bait the line! Spread the net! And catch the man!

Freeze! Shoot to kill! Or die!

Lock the target! Bait the line! Spread the net! And catch the man! (x4)

You catch the man!

I’m looking for this man! To sell him to other men!
Sell him to other men, at ten times his prize at least

Lock the target! Spread the net, and catch the man
Spread the net! Spread the net, and catch the man
Lock the target! Spread the net, and catch the man
Lock the target! Bait the line! Spread the net! And catch the man!

Want to join in the HNT sexy fun? Check out the guidelines at Osbasso’s place!

Wow, thanks to everyone who commented on my post yesterday! I wanted a discussion, and I got one, yay!

Now, there’s something else that’s been on my mind and I just couldn’t talk about it with anyone but Boy Toy. Then I finally realized I could ask my readers! But first, I must confess something: I’ve been seeing a therapist. I was sick and tired of being so damn insecure that it was poisoning my relationship. My relationships, for Boy Toy is not the first to suffer the consequences of my lack of self-confidence. For the longest time, I meant to get help but I never could bring myself to do it. I didn’t know where to start, I didn’t know how it would go, if it would really help, how much it would cost, etc… All very good reasons for procrastinating.

A couple of months ago, however, Boy Toy and I had a huge fight. Things had been going downhill for a while, we were stuck in a downward spiral. The worse it got, the more insecure I felt, the more reassurance I needed, but the less Boy Toy felt up to it. When everything finally exploded, we came this close to breaking up. Well, we sort of did break up. We said we probably should, and Boy Toy left for a walk. I was devastated; I sat in the shower, under the running water, in the dark, for about an hour, crying (I feel like crying just writing about it)… I didn’t want it to end but I didn’t know what would happen when he came back. That’s when I decided I would see someone, whether we broke up or not.

Things have gotten much better since, thankfully, but I intend on seeing this therapy thing through so as to avoid future problems. And this brings me to my quandary, if you will: should I discuss kink with my therapist?

All things kinky in this relationship are things that I never experienced with anybody else before. I don’t believe the playful games are much of an issue, but I wonder about the D/s. Not that I secretely hate it or anything, but it’s not exactly all black and white, all the time, you know? It’s sometimes hard to manage domination when I’m so insecure. Anytime that Boy Toy rebels against my control, it feels like a huge blow, even when it shouldn’t. I mean, it’s normal that sometimes he’s not in the mood. He’s a human being, he works, he gets tired and stressed and all that other good stuff. Yet I take it as a personal slight. Surely, it must mean that I’m not good at domination, I can’t even tell when the timing’s not right… I’m sure you get my drift.

I don’t believe this is part of the source of the problem, not really, but sometimes it would feel good to get it off my chest, to talk about it with someone who’s unbiased and knows how to make sense out of my jumble of thoughts and feelings, someone who asks the right questions. But I think if I brought this up with my therapist, I’d blush for sure. It’s a line I feel unsure about crossing.

What would you do? I’d love to read about your thoughts and experiences on the matter!

Ever since I started this blog, I couldn’t help but notice that many sex bloggers post sex toy reviews. In exchange, the product seller sends them the item for free.

I’ve always been a bit unsure on this matter, when it comes to my blog. Boy Toy, on the other hand, thinks it’d be cool for me to get free toys. I agree, it’d be nice. But it seems to me that it would feel like a little of my blog was a little less “me”. Does that make any sense? On the other hand, I’d get free toys. And, I’d provide useful information, right? Because one thing is for sure, no matter what I post, I will remain honest. That’s very important to me.

I guess what makes me balk is the idea that I’d be doing it to get free stuff. Would it change the nature of my blog? Would it be perceived as “noise” or even advertising? And when one posts such a review, should there be a disclaimer to let readers know that the product they’re reviewing has been given them for free by the seller?

I did post a review or two in the past, actually. But the items I posted about were not given to me. The Fort Stainless Steel Locking Chastity Device, for instance. I paid for that. Does it make my review totally unbiased? I don’t know. But if you must know, I did make money with my review, indirectly. I have an affiliate account with Extreme Restraints and after posting about the Fort, a few people clicked on my link and bought it. I haven’t made enough to pay for the device, mind you. But it helps   (By the way, the affiliate links were Boy Toy’s idea. Obviously he doesn’t have my scruples!)

That being said, I have been approached at least twice for product reviews. The first time, and I’ve mentioned this here before, I decided to give it a try. I provided my full name and mailing address with my choice of items, and never heard from the seller again. I was definitely put off… This is, after all, an anonymous blog. So thanks, assholes.

But anyway. I got another offer in the last couple of weeks. The site itself didn’t offer that great of a selection, IMHO. What was a little more interesting to me was the mention of competitions, free giveaways and special discounts for my readers. That’s something I might have gone for… but I have no idea if anyone who reads this would be interested. Once again, does it reek too much of advertising?

In the end, I sent a polite refusal because I couldn’t really find any interesting toy (for me) on the site. But I’d like to know, in the future, should such an offer surface again, is anyone interested in contests or discounts? And what are your thoughts on bloggers who post toy reviews? On affiliates?

I guess what I’m trying to do here is throw in a few thoughts and start a discussion. Thanks for your comments

______________________________

I want to specify that when I see other bloggers post reviews, it does not bother me in the least. I do not judge others. Actually, I like reading those reviews, especially if I’m interested in the toy.

Want to join in the HNT sexy fun? Check out the guidelines at Osbasso’s place!

So, I was complaining about how long the locking pin was, on Boy Toy’s new Fort Stainless Steel Locking Chastity Device, and Tom Allen offered to mail me an extra set.

That’s right, some people are just that nice.

Earlier this year Tom started making some prototypes of stainless steel pins and spacers for the CB3000. He wants to start a line of stainless steel components and accessories for the CBx000 devices and sell them. I certainly hope he goes through with his plan. Imagine all the chastity geeks out there, wishing they had custom-made pieces for their device? Stainless steel pieces? Some of you are probably drooling already.

As it turns out, the locking pin for the CB3000 is the same shape and size as the pin for the Fort, so I was a good candidate to test-drive Tom’s prototypes. Or rather, Boy Toy was.

So without further ado, the pictures you probably all came here for.

Here’s the Fort with its original locking pin:

And here it is with Tom’s custom pin and spacer:

As you can see, it doesn’t stick out nearly as much. Thanks so much, Tom!