Things often begin in the shower. We’re naked, it’s wet, hot and steamy. How could I resist his strong, manly body? It usually starts with offhand fondling. One of my favorite things to do is lube my hands with soap and jerk him off. He doesn’t know why, but this feels so very intense. I can’t go on like this for very long, though, it just feels too good and he might just come, which would foil my plans.

Wait, what? Plans? Yes, sometimes. Like last weekend. I played with him, had him penetrate me for a thrust or two… but never let him come. I had something in mind, something for after the shower. By the time we were all properly clean, he was begging me to let him come. He was starving, however, so I suggested he eat a banana before we got down to business. While he was sating one of his hungers, I rummaged through our toy box and fished out the handcuffs. He saw me, of course, and he was beginning to worry. A little.

I led him downstairs, in our bedroom. I had him kneel on the bed and I cuffed his hands behind his back. Satisfied with his position, I sat in front of him, propped against some pillows, naked still. I had my blue vibrator handy and I took it out of it’s little pouch. He was suddenly very attentive. I used the opportunity to talk a little about the kink in our relationship, but after a bit I felt too much like I was lecturing him so I started to masturbate in front of him. While he watched, I got myself all nice and wet. It was a little strange, doing something so intimate and personal in front of him. He seemed to enjoy watching it. It felt good, but I soon realized that I wasn’t going to climax, not that way.

I set his hands free and had him lay on his back, for another favorite of mine: I sit on his face, and he licks. Hmmmm. And because he is such a spoiled Boy Toy, I finished by fucking him to orgasm. I initially wanted to deny him but what is it they say about the best laid plans?

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It was a great way to start a lazy Saturday, but unfortunately things later turned sour. You may have noticed that I’m not writing much these days. It’s because things weren’t exactly going well. We kinda almost broke up and I guess we’ve both been doing a lot of thinking since. Our whole relationship has seen a lot of ups and downs and these days, it’s a lot more down than up. How ironic that just a short while ago, I posted about how well things were going…

I think we’ll be ok, but if we end up parting ways, I’m not sure what it would mean for this blog. Of course, we’ve been through hard times before and maybe this is just another one of those phases. After I started writing this post, he came downstairs and we talked for a bit. It went well, it felt kind of like progress. We have communication problems, he misunderstands me a lot, and I get upset a lot. I suggested we set aside some comfortable, relaxed time for talking and set some rules, like we aren’t allowed to interrupt the other, or we cannot get upset. We’ll see where this goes.

You can imagine the effect this has on our whole sex life… With the “disaster” of a few months ago, I’m feeling less than sure of myself. I want to go back to kink, I kinda feel everything is connected and so going back to “normal” is important to me, but it’s difficult. I do bring it up a lot, we just never manage to really get everything out in the open. There are a few things I’d like to talk about with Boy Toy, regarding kink, yet I have a hard time bringing them up, I’m not sure how to express them. Still, we do a little kink here and there, the first part of this post is a good example. I asked him this morning if he was ready to be “on” and he said yes. I wondered if it was a good idea, considering how things have been going… We agreed that we’d stop and re-evaluate if anything goes wrong. Once again, we’ll see where this goes.

I try to keep the kink and the “relationship stuff” apart but at the same time, they seem somewhat interrelated. For instance, something occured to me recently. Boy Toy has submissive tendencies, and I believe that a sub needs encouraging words, I believe he needs to be told he’s been good. And that’s something I don’t really do a lot, so maybe it makes him feel inadequate. Many signs point that way. It’s hard to say, though, he’s sometimes less than forthcoming about how he feels. In any case, I do intend on trying to give him more positive feedback.

The bottom line is, I do want this to work. We live together now, it would be silly to give up so easily. We love each other; we’re just pretty different, and not that good at understanding each other. The “different” part cannot change, but I sure as hell believe we can learn to communicate.