Locking up my man
Tom over at The Edge of Vanilla wrote a great post this weekend, in which he attacks the common notion that to lock up a cock is emasculating, belittling. That it’s done for humiliation purposes, the penis basically considered useless. I had never thought about it that way myself, never really reflected on it, even though Boy Toy and I frequently indulge in orgasm control/denial, and I read Tom’s post with much fascination… and lust, I must admit. In it, he says:
“One of the reasons that she kinks on chastity and denying me, is that she sees it as having power over a part of me that in itself is powerful. Mrs. Edge does not lock up my “worthless little dickie” (or worse, my “sissy clitty”… ugh, sorry, just the term grates on me). Rather, she locks up my cock – my thick, raging, turgid, veiny, purple, manly, hard cock.”
Exactly!
Ok, I do not want to judge other people’s kinks, so if you do like the “worthless worm” type play, please don’t be offended. What’s hot to you is hot to you. And I guess it’s the game, the humiliation itself, that must be hot to both humiliator and humiliated. But it’s just not in me. I love Boy Toy and it does not feel natural at all to me, to treat him as a small man. I totally look up to him. Which might seem contradictory with the fact that I dominate him.
Yet it’s not. It’s all the more hot that this big, strong man whom I really admire and love, whom I think is smart, wild and independent, will kneel for me, submit to me. It’s not only hot, I see it as devotion and love. Sure, it turns him on, it’s not all selfless, but he wouldn’t let just anybody dominate him. And, well, I also love to have such an effect on him. I love to see his reactions, I feed off of them, as I’ve already mentioned before.
Ranat, in answer to Tom’s post, goes on to say:
“Another reason why I’m attracted to chastity/orgasm denial with male bodies is because of the cultural idea that their cock is valuable and worth something to them. And I get to have control over it even thought it is so valued, precious, and guarded.”
That’s also a pretty sizzling idea. Here’s that thing which has so much cultural bagage, and I get to lock it up and decide its faith. And judging by the effect locking it up has on Boy Toy, it IS important to him. Seems to me that a man’s penis is very central to him. It’s no wonder we constantly joke about men thinking with their penises…
Category: Denial, Domination | 
12 Comments »
August 4th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
We talked about it for a while this afternoon. She knows that I’ll work hard to please her, regardless if I’m caged or not, so it becomes a little power trip for her to make me work at pleasuring her.
That, and she likes the idea of keeping a strong, virile, man under her control. In her mind, anybody can control a “worthless worm”, but for me to hand over the keys (so to speak) gives her dominion over something much more worthwhile and valuable.
August 5th, 2009 at 9:38 am
Hmm, interesting, I should ask E to consider this…
By the way, tagged you for the List of 8 (http://lomaxxx.blogspot.com/2009/08/list-of-8.html)
August 6th, 2009 at 9:04 am
I am totally with you! I don’t see my husband as a worthless worm-that’s not our thing either. But I love that he is a strong man willing to submit to ME. Like Boy Toy, he wouldn’t submit to just anybody, and I love that.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:01 am
Maybe I’m just missing (or avoiding) other portions of the blogosphere/Scene, but I haven’t actually encountered and had a real conversation with anyone who actually wants to be treated as a worthless worm, or anyone who wants to treat anybody as a worthless worm.
Strangely, the general rule seems to be that people like and value the person they’re having sex with, and want to be liked and valued in turn.
August 6th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Hi Sexy, glad you are back.
I should let Sandy read this and Toms post. She tends to associate CBs with the more negative connotations.
M
August 6th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
@Ranat – that attitude is more often seen on web forums and Yahoo groups, but I’ve run across it in blogs. Often, but not always, it’s accompanied by a desire for penis humiliation or cuckolding.
Perhaps I notice it more because I’m more sensitized to it, being the one who is actually locked up most of the time. Or perhaps because I tend to read more groups directly related to chastity. But if you have not run across this very often, consider yourself fortunate.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Tom: Yes, I very much like the idea of having a strong, virile man under my control. Thanks for answering Ranat, too. I wasn’t sure where to start…
But I’ll say this to Ranat: You’re probably right. I haven’t really run across that attitude much myself and perhaps I wrote of it too quickly. I kinda tend to think it IS a common attitude, but perhaps I’m wrong. Still, for me, the important part here was Tom’s take on it, the control over a strong, virile man. The rest is just something I thoughtlessly imagined to be the way of the majority. All I knew was that it didn’t resonate with me.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Kevin: Thanks for the tag… Sorry I haven’t gotten around to it!
August 11th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Mineforever: Yes, and for me, that’s what makes it so hot
August 11th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
myKey: I can understand why she’d make that kind of association, I think. I sort of did, too. Maybe it’s got to do with the fact that I’m not that great at introspection. The connotations, as you put it, will affect me but I might not realize it or understand why.
That’s why I was so taken with Tom’s post, it shed light on this, it made me think, and it felt right.
August 12th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Tom: Yes, I very much like the idea of having a strong, virile man under my control.
The dominion over something more physically powerful than yourself is a heady thing, indeed. Now you can understand why men love driving monster trucks and construction equipment
In our case – not saying that everybody thinks this way – her desire to keep me locked up makes me feel even more sexy and virile, because I think of myself as something powerful that needs to be controlled.
And since she’s been back from her trip, she’s been telling me that she finds me wearing the cage to be very sexy; admittedly, I have sometimes felt a bit embarrassed about walking around in front of her with it, but knowing that she likes the look just adds to my self-perception. Lately, I’m feeling as sexy as hell!
September 13th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Ahhh… I have been away from the blogs for way too long. GREAT conversation everyone; and thanks for sharing… right on track with my brain.