Well, hello there. Yeah, I’m still here. I just haven’t had anything to say. I do feel a little bad about it; when I first started my blog, I was posting pretty much every day. Then it slowed down some and got into this groove, I’d post about 2-3 times a week and add a HNT as a bonus. At times when I didn’t feel like blogging, I made myself post at least once or twice a week, aside from HNT. Which means I had better post soon if I don’t want to miss the boat this week, right?

So here I am.

And I don’t have much to say. Things are still somewhat rocky with Boy Toy. Or maybe that’s just the norm, for us? Or maybe it’s just my distorted perception.

Anyway, we’re ok. Except when we fight, then it’s not so good. The rest of the time, we manage really well. We enjoy each other’s company, do our own things too, and throw in a bit of sex here and there. But no kink.

If you’ll remember, we had a bit of a situation last time I decided to play, it didn’t turn out as I had hoped. Things sucked for me after that; I got very insecure over the whole thing and Boy Toy needed time to think about it, which left me worried sick. Needlessly so, all I had to do was wait until he was ready to talk about it. I guess I’m just not the patient type… Bottom line is, this kind of play was pushing him too far and when I got mad at him on top of that, he sort of snapped. To my defense, he had gotten mad first… When he was done thinking about it and finally told me it was my mixing anger with domination that had bothered him, I explained why I had gotten mad and he went silent. I got the impression he had forgotten why I’d gotten mad in the first place, or maybe he hadn’t understood at the time. We left it at that, but a few days later I asked him if we were ok, in that regard. When he said that we were, I told him I wasn’t going to dominate him until he asked for it. Until he begged for it.

So far, he hasn’t. Considering he’s still head over heel in this project of his, it’s totally understandable. And I’m doing my best to stay true to my word, because I really want him to wake up one day REALLY missing this aspect of our relationship. I do want him to beg for it.

It’s hard, though. I’m not one to do much introspection and contemplation, so I’m not sure where D/s starts, exactly. If I grab his cock and balls in the shower and defiantly look him in the eye, does it count? What about the fact that I still want him to make my coffee on weekend mornings?

I’d say these days, there’s not much more hint of domination than that. Yet I have to admit I’m finding it hard to hold back, and I am looking forward to ordering him around. I want to play. But I want him to beg for it, so I’ll wait. I’ll try.