is that it’s not easy. At least for us, anyway. We’re so different in that regard. As I wrote in a reply to a comment, Boy Toy needs time to think things through. As for me, I need to talk them through, which is my way of thinking them through. And which is why sometimes I write the very personal stuff here, the fights and arguments, even if it makes me look like an emotional nutcase. Writing this stuff down helps me make sense of things. I do try not to make Boy Toy sound like a jerk, even when I’m pissed at him. I figure this isn’t the place for it. Besides, he’s much, much better than I usually make him seem, and that’s the truth.

We had a talk, tonight. I think there are still things to smooth out, especially on my side because I accumulated some resentment and it needs to blow off. Or something. But it’s better than it was.

I’m thinking what we should really concentrate on, actually, is communicating about communication. We need to figure this one out. I’m just too emotional about stuff and I can get quite worked up. Yeah, I know, I’m quite the case. In the end, it does get to Boy Toy too: he ends up being afraid of bringing stuff up, because the melodrama just isn’t for him. He also hates the kind of conversation that drags on, which, incidentally, is what I’m super good at. After bringing up Tom’s suggestion, we sort of agreed that smaller doses, more often, might work better. In fact, I’m convinced it’ll work better for him, and I think it could work well for me, too, if I can manage it. Gah.

As for the situation that brought all this on, we did manage to talk about it, a little. One of the things that came up is that the protocols, or rules, were beginning to feel too routine to Boy Toy, and he did need a break. It just so happens that we had this “incident” at the same time, which is unfortunate. I’m hoping to talk about this some more, minus the emotional baggage, and I guess it means I was on the right track the other day when wrote of coming up with new ideas…