Comments on: Round and round we go

By: Elle

Elle — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 01:13:09 +0000

RossK: I WOULD ask him for a way to deal with this kind of situations in the future, but he just won’t talk about it. He’s gotta think it through, he says.

We do have plenty of speed bumps, in this relationship, whether they are vanilla or kink-related. We’re generally good but I think our communication could improve.

And yeah, I agree. No kink, no dominating him, until he’s brought it up. Because apparently, *I* can’t bring it up. It kinda frustrates me, but I guess I have to accept that respecting him in this is the best way to go

By: Elle

Elle — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 01:08:04 +0000

bambootoy: I think I can safely say that he has a very long leash. He’s a weird creature, my Boy Toy. Sure, submitting to me turns him on, but he also has to be able to do what he wants, when he wants. He’s independent that way.

By: Elle

Elle — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 01:05:36 +0000

TUG: Glad to be of service

By: Elle

Elle — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 01:04:58 +0000

13messages: thanks for the good wishes… We’re ok, though. At least superficially. We hang out, we go out, we cook together, we have sex… Just no kink, and can’t talk about it. As long as I don’t dwell on it and I don’t let insecurity overtake me, I’m fine.

By: Elle

Elle — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 00:39:09 +0000

Thanks, Vixen. As usual, we seem to see eye to eye. I guess he IS having issues, but because I’m insecure, it’s so, so hard for me to not take this personally, to not see this as something I somehow did wrong…

It’d be easier if I could talk with him about it. That’s how I work, I gotta talk. And talk. And talk. Him though? Apparently he’s gotta figure it out in his head, all by himself. If I bring it up, it stresses him… Well it stresses me not to talk about it But not much I can do. He’s got a huge work load right now and the best I can do for him is leave it be.

By: RossK

RossK — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 11:18:29 +0000

I wouldn’t worry too much about it, it seems like one of those typical speed bumps that happen in a D/s situation. Don’t blame yourself for not being able to deal with him not being able to deal with the situation. My advice is to go vanilla for a while – and wait. He’ll come back to you and want you to dominate him again. (He has no choice, it’s in his nature, but perhaps he hasn’t learned to accept it yet.) BUT, ask him (patiently) for some guarantee about what to do when/if this happens again, and DON’T dominate him again until YOU are satisfied with the situation. You’re doing great. Everyone’s just learning….

By: bambootoy

bambootoy — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 15:35:54 +0000

…sometimes, as with a dog, a long leash and a quick yank work better than a short chain…. In both cases, you get what you want (obedience), but the dog is happier if he runs out to the length of the leash and then hits the end — suddenly.

By: bambootoy

bambootoy — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 15:34:19 +0000

It’s a fine line between fun (spontaneous) and a job (pre-programmed)…. Perhaps a fixed number of obligations per time period (week?). “If not once today, twice tomorrow!” Or a ‘tax’ for failure to perform?

By: TUG

TUG — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 04:45:50 +0000

I’m with 13messages, but I am very interested to see how this turns out. I’m learning through you two.

By: 13messages

13messages — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 03:56:45 +0000

I wish you both well in this. Having no experience with this, I have no advice to offer. I can only say that my thoughts are with you and Boy Toy here.