Round and round we go
I have to confess to stealing someone else’s idea. Remember in my post last Sunday, I said that some blog posts I read gave me kinky inspiration and I was coming up with the beginnings of a naughty scenario? Well, I decided to make it happen.
The idea came from Sandy, over at Outside Vanilla, who was inspired by Thumper’s Belle Fille. It started with Thumper’s account of his Belle Fille allowing him to fuck her with the sole purpose of achieving his own orgasm. Sandy loved the idea of the “unenjoyable orgasm” and decided to put her own twist on it: Mykey was to get a forced orgasm every day for a week, by his own hand, while she watched. To add to the fun, he had to eat his own sperm afterward.
I loved the concept as well, and decided to put MY own twist on it. It wasn’t very different from Sandy’s take: once a day Boy Toy would have to have an orgasm while I watched. I opted not to make him eat his cum, though, because I seriously doubt he’d do it. It’s already hard enough just getting him to masturbate in front of me… Knowing he’d be difficult and might not even be able to finish, being very shy about it, I allowed for a way out. If he failed in his “task”, he would receive a spanking. Ten hits with the crop.
I really thought this idea was hot and was totally stoked about trying it out. Unfortunately, it didn’t exactly turn out as I had hoped.
I told Boy Toy about this little game Sunday night. Predictably, he tried to get out of it, telling me this is a stressful and busy time for him, but I would have none of it. It’s not that I’m not sensitive to his limits, it’s that he is pretty much always busy and stressed. So if not now, then when? I decided that this time, I wouldn’t let his excuses get in my way. This was not, in my opinion, a hard “task”, and he’d get to come. What’s not to love about it?
So I held my ground. When it came time to get to work, Monday night, Boy Toy still tried to postpone. “Next week, please?” he said. But I stayed firm. I wanted this to happen, and figured the release he’d get from submitting and from his orgasm would be a good stress relief for him.
I instructed Boy Toy to get it done during the daily 10 minutes he must kneel naked in front of me; two birds with one stone. So I put a towel on the couch platform thingie and handed him a bottle of lube. I grabbed the crop and sat on the couch in front of him.
It was very difficult to get him to start. And finish, for that matter. He balked every step of the way. I cajoled and insisted, alternating between kindly proding and harshly ordering. He would start touching himself, then stop and say this was silly, he couldn’t do it, etc. I kept pushing, hinting at the spanking I was about to give him. Finally, light caresses with the crop along the insides of his thighs got him going and it wasn’t long before he climaxed.
Wow, it was hot! By then, I was completely wet and all flustered. I made sure to let him know how much I liked it.
The next day was pretty much the same scenario, except he was even harder to manage. I was tired, too, and wasn’t into it as much as the previous night. Still, I got him there, this time by running my nails all along his back and neck. It was amazing.
And that’s how far we got. The next day when I got home from work, Boy Toy mentioned he’d be going to his friend’s later. “Fine, but you’ll have to complete your task first”, I told him. He got pissy and complained about it. I had plans to go see a movie with a friend, so I ate and left, but I was angry at him. I couldn’t help but think, I am where I am today because of him. He introduced me to kink. He is the one who liked being dominated. And now, he was getting pissed off at me for doing what he wanted me to do?
When I got back, Boy Toy said “We need to talk.” Ugh.
I was still angry and had a wicked headache, so when he told me he couldn’t go on with this game, let’s just say I wasn’t very happy. I mentioned I’m not good at controlling my emotions? Yeah. But I worked hard at it, because this is a game, after all, and the goal isn’t to make him miserable. I’ve read enough kinky stuff all over the Internet to know about limits or aftercare…
The problem is, it’s always a little more than a game, right? Real life and emotions interfere. It’s hard to know where to draw the line. The rules of this game we were playing are that he has to do what I say. He got frustrated at me instead, and I’m not strong enough to not let this get to me.
So I glared at him and asked: “Is it a hard limit?” Boy Toy said that it wasn’t, but he added that something was wrong with him. This little game really affected him, and not in a good way. He felt deeply ashamed and more, but he didn’t know what else he felt. He said he needed time to think it through, and asked that we take a break from the kinky stuff. He was visibly shaken.
I was angry, though, and it took a while for me to soften up. But eventually, I did. I remembered about “aftercare” and thought, if he ever needed it, this was the time. He seemed to feel guilty for not going through with something I wanted, and this touched me. I finally hugged him, shushed him, told him it was alright, we didn’t need to do this if he didn’t like it.
And we don’t need to do it, but I can’t help feeling bad over the whole thing. Couldn’t help but think I’m not very good at domination… It’s shaken me up quite a bit and it doesn’t help that Boy Toy’s been saying he wants to take a break from kink. It probably shouldn’t affect me this way, but who ever said emotions were rational?
Category: Domination, Training | 
13 Comments »
June 19th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Wow! Sorry it didn’t work out!
I’m gonna totally go into advice mode, feel free to ignore me if you like
You are doing fine, you probably know that in your head but don’t believe it in your heart. Its true, and I say that as both a sub and as a Dom. You arent doing anything wrong.
Has boy been a sub before, I mean a proper sub not as a short term or bedroom game? The reason I ask is that the way you described his reaction is very similar to how I felt when I had to face up to the full reality of the submissive part of my personality. I have played sub for many years, its been fun. THen one day I was faced with a true domme (not Sandy), one who put me in a situation where I knew this was more than just a game to her, my submission was expected, full time at her whim. She pushed my boundaries, stretched my emotional limits. She did this not by pushing me to do mad things, but by her demanding nature. She was the dominant yin to my submissive yang and so the submissive yang got fully aired for the first time ever. It scared the hell out of me! I found it hard to accept the loss of my freedom, even harder to accept myself as a man, supportive, strong, ambitious in my career, while being so controlled. My submissive aspect weakened me and made me feel diminished as a person. THis was exacerbated whenever difficult or demanding periods were going on at work. Submissive me was not welcome, he weakened me when I needed to be strong.
Its a dilemma because I consider its a very strong person who can be a good sub. I think it takes guts and trust, its a sign of a strong character to put someone else first and submit to their whims, their desires. But thats logic, considered consious opinion. My emotional soul (the lizard as thumper calls it) struggled to believe it. Our whole life men have been taught to be the strong one, the dominant one. I think for me it was very hard to believe that I could still be that and yet submit fully. To walk into a meeting with powerful people, make my case, drive my point, stand up to the other alpha males in the room, and compartmentalise the knickers I am wearing, or the memory of the humiliating, embarrasing act I was made to perform (even though I may have enjoyed it, or worse may even have wanted it). The alpha male wouldnt accept the other facet of my character, seen unvarnished and naked for the first time. Its taken a couple fo years to get to the point that the sub in me enhances me and is fully integrated with me rather than being a threat.
I dont know if boytoy is feeling the same way or I am totally off the mark, but the reactions seemed similar.
Aftercare is a good idea! Hope you get to the bottom of it, and have fun with it!
Patronising waflle over!
M
June 19th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Hey MyKey,
Thanks for your comment. I’m not actually sure whether it could be it or not. I don’t know much of Boy Toy’s past experiences. I know he’s done kinky stuff, I know about a lot of what he did try, but as for his relationships, that, I don’t know.
When we were talking Wednesday and he was saying how he felt ashamed, I told him I was aware that it shamed him and I thought that was the whole point, pushing his limits. I knew how he feels about masturbating in front of me. I’ve only gotten him to do it once or twice… But I thought if I really pushed for it, dominated him in this, it would be hot to him. It certainly was for me.
So I told him something like: “So what if you feel ashamed? It’s supposed to be about me, this is you doing what *I* want you to do. I know how you feel about it, and it’s my whole point, to push you beyond that limit.” I was trying to be really Domme, there
It might explain why he felt so guilty not doing what I’d told him to do…
What’s really, really not helping me is that he refuses to talk about it. He says he needs to think about it, and I can’t even ask one little question on the subject, he’ll immediately get defensive, tell me I’m stressing him, that he needs time, etc. Well yeah, ok, I know it’s upsetting to him… But I’m upset too, and I feel like what *I* feel in this has been tossed aside. A constant problem I have, really… Maybe I’m so worried about him not considering my feelings, I forget to consider his. Who knows.
I’ll tell him to go and read your reply. Might provide some good insight for him.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Oh don’t get discouraged! I think you did an excellent job. I think it is *him* who is having some issues. And maybe being ‘vanilla’ for a bit is what he needs to get his feet back on the ground.
I kind of agree with McKey in the thought that I wonder if this is his (BT) first experience with *long term* kink and it’s effecting him. Maybe he just needs to wrap his mind around it a bit????
IDK. Part of being submissive and what most subs like about being a sub is the ‘being ashamed part’.
I’m sure being a sub can be very confusing but being a dom sure can be too! *sigh*
xo
June 19th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
I wish you both well in this. Having no experience with this, I have no advice to offer. I can only say that my thoughts are with you and Boy Toy here.
June 21st, 2009 at 12:45 am
I’m with 13messages, but I am very interested to see how this turns out. I’m learning through you two.
June 21st, 2009 at 11:34 am
It’s a fine line between fun (spontaneous) and a job (pre-programmed)…. Perhaps a fixed number of obligations per time period (week?). “If not once today, twice tomorrow!” Or a ‘tax’ for failure to perform?
June 21st, 2009 at 11:35 am
…sometimes, as with a dog, a long leash and a quick yank work better than a short chain…. In both cases, you get what you want (obedience), but the dog is happier if he runs out to the length of the leash and then hits the end — suddenly.
June 22nd, 2009 at 7:18 am
I wouldn’t worry too much about it, it seems like one of those typical speed bumps that happen in a D/s situation. Don’t blame yourself for not being able to deal with him not being able to deal with the situation. My advice is to go vanilla for a while – and wait. He’ll come back to you and want you to dominate him again. (He has no choice, it’s in his nature, but perhaps he hasn’t learned to accept it yet.) BUT, ask him (patiently) for some guarantee about what to do when/if this happens again, and DON’T dominate him again until YOU are satisfied with the situation. You’re doing great. Everyone’s just learning….
June 22nd, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Thanks, Vixen. As usual, we seem to see eye to eye. I guess he IS having issues, but because I’m insecure, it’s so, so hard for me to not take this personally, to not see this as something I somehow did wrong…
It’d be easier if I could talk with him about it. That’s how I work, I gotta talk. And talk. And talk. Him though? Apparently he’s gotta figure it out in his head, all by himself. If I bring it up, it stresses him… Well it stresses me not to talk about it
But not much I can do. He’s got a huge work load right now and the best I can do for him is leave it be.
June 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 pm
13messages: thanks for the good wishes… We’re ok, though. At least superficially. We hang out, we go out, we cook together, we have sex… Just no kink, and can’t talk about it. As long as I don’t dwell on it and I don’t let insecurity overtake me, I’m fine.
June 22nd, 2009 at 9:05 pm
TUG: Glad to be of service
June 22nd, 2009 at 9:08 pm
bambootoy: I think I can safely say that he has a very long leash. He’s a weird creature, my Boy Toy. Sure, submitting to me turns him on, but he also has to be able to do what he wants, when he wants. He’s independent that way.
June 22nd, 2009 at 9:13 pm
RossK: I WOULD ask him for a way to deal with this kind of situations in the future, but he just won’t talk about it. He’s gotta think it through, he says.
We do have plenty of speed bumps, in this relationship, whether they are vanilla or kink-related. We’re generally good but I think our communication could improve.
And yeah, I agree. No kink, no dominating him, until he’s brought it up. Because apparently, *I* can’t bring it up. It kinda frustrates me, but I guess I have to accept that respecting him in this is the best way to go