It’s not a big deal, though. Just some thoughts that crossed my mind. They’re there, these thoughts, but I’m not sure I’d go so far as to call the whole thing an issue.

roo-roo: That’s very sensible. It’s good that I wrote it down; it made me think it through, something I don’t always do… And the comments I got were helpful

I like your analogy to food (Boy Toy and I are totally in love with food, we cook a lot and must try everything). It puts it in a different light and makes it less threatening.

Or as Tom said, maybe he simply doesn’t know you want him to initiate more.

I’m not sure that getting a bdsmer to enjoy vanilla sex just as much as bdsm is doable. You turn him on a certain amount, but when you add bdsm, there’s you plus bdsm. It’s like adding tangy seasoning to a food you already love.
In this case, X + Y > X

Or maybe we just haven’t established clear enough “protocols” and he doesn’t know what he can or cannot do.

You’ve stumbled into the gray maelstrom, where the edges of vanilla (sorry) meet the edges of D/s. It’s perfectly normal for you to want a more vanilla approach at times, but boytoy won’t understand that until the both of you sit down and work some of that out. It’s quite possible that he’s very happy where you (plural) are and has no idea that there’s anything amiss.

Your insecurities could well be holding you back, but before you fluff them off as insecurities, it’s perfectly appropriate to explore them. You have a relationship, and there’s no reason that you can’t have more of a compromise.