Knowing that he’ll be feeling all subby while I’m away having fun, that’s pretty hot! On that note, off I go!

…my insecurity often makes me doubt that he loves me, as silly as it may be. And that, in turn, makes me want to see him attentive and loving, but I look in the wrong places. I look at what he doesn’t do, all the while ignoring what he does do. A problem of perception that makes me hesitate when I think “Hmm, in the CB he WOULD be more attentive”.

I think my Belle could have written that, word for word. We have historical issues in our relationship you (probably) don’t have, but I know she has similar insecurities and tends to not focus on those things that (I think) prove my devotion to her. That’s a big part of why I like it when she denies me and/or locks me up. I become more attentive and more likely to do and say those things that she wants and are inside me all the time but tend not to come out when I’m not totally over the moon horny for her. You and she might want to avoid having to resort to a chastity device to get the feedback you want, but I think it’s just another tactic to lubricate and maintain our relationship. It is *totally fair* because I want her to play her role as my dominant. I don’t think either of you should feel any hesitation in using the weapons in your arsenal that we *want* you to use.

I’ve often told Boy Toy that he’s different when denied, but he *denies* this.

He’s either just saying that to make you “try harder” or he’s got more than one kind of denial going on!

I’m not saying Boy Toy isn’t into me. This summer, it’ll be 2 years we’re together, so… And he loves the D/s, too. But my insecurity often makes me doubt that he loves me, as silly as it may be. And that, in turn, makes me want to see him attentive and loving, but I look in the wrong places. I look at what he doesn’t do, all the while ignoring what he does do. A problem of perception that makes me hesitate when I think “Hmm, in the CB he WOULD be more attentive”.

Roo-roo: that’s very true, and I haven’t used it as “punishment” for my feelings of insecurity, no matter that it’s sometimes tempting. That was the idea behind this post, that I often refrain from locking him up because of just this. But whatever problems we do have, we do talk about them and he is aware. I’m not sure just how much he understands what’s going on on my end, but that’s ok. We’re very different. Just as long as he’s caring enough to listen, and so far, he does very good at that. Still, I think I want to steer the discussion away from issues and more towards kink, for a little while.

Bratting to provoke a reaction? I’m not sure. It WOULD be just like him, though

Mikey: Yup, made sense. Boy Toy read your comment but didn’t understand it, though. Something I told him, then, is: “I’m thinking I would have to be totally ok with something before using D/s on that something. Like, if we wanted to make you more attentive to me by using a CB. Well I wouldn’t go there unless I was ok with how you are without the CB.” I think that’s what you meant? Sorta?

web: It could be. But Boy Toy does love his brattish ways. He loves feeling free to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. But then again, he loves my control, turns him on.

If he wants more control from me, I’m thinking he might not say it because he wouldn’t want me to feel pressured that way. Yup, that’s a suggestion that needs more thinkin’. And maybe a bit of a talk with Boy Toy.

Just a thought.

Web

Or something

Hope that made sense

From what you’re saying here, it sounds like he isn’t even aware there’s a problem.

The problem, I’d say, lies with the intention behind the order.

I agree with this statement completely. Doing it this way seems like an underhanded way of achieving an end which would be better reached through more straightforward communication. If you want him to be more submissive (and he’s aware of this) but he’s not doing it, he’s either not interested in going to that level, or he’s bratting in order to provoke a reaction.

If Boy Toy in a CB6000 is more attentive (while super horny and loving it) and I am happier, is this wrong?

Not in my opinion. When I’m locked up, I recognize I’m a different person. I *like* that person (just as much as the non-locked Thumper). I also think Belle like’s that person (up to a point – locked Thumper is a lot needier than unlock Thumper – there are always trade-offs). BT has entered into a D/s relationship with you and that carried certain expectations. I think it’s entirely within your rights to use the accoutrement of that relationship to play your role.

In other words, if the device is being used to enhance and already healthy, loving relationship between two consenting people that underlies the D/s, then I think it’s all fair. However, if you were saying BT wasn’t really into you or the D/s thing so you were going to lock him up to help adjust his tude, then NO, that’d be BAD. But you’re not saying that. Are you?