What do you think?
Emotions often make me shy away from “playing” with Boy Toy. I mean, for example, if I find that Boy Toy hasn’t been paying me, his alleged Owner, enough attention and I’m feeling bad about it, the thought sneaks up on me: I could simply put him in the CB6000, keep him in there a few days, maybe a week or a month, and see how his attitude is then.
My gut feeling is that this isn’t right, and so I don’t do it. Many a time, I’ve refrained from putting him in the device (or any similar mistreatment) because I had some sort of emotion attached to the situation.
Yet… it would work, wouldn’t it? Put Boy Toy in a chastity device and trust me, he becomes a much sweeter, loving boyfriend. What girl doesn’t want an attentive lover?
The problem, I’d say, lies with the intention behind the order. I wouldn’t be playing Dom, would I? I’d be doing it to satisfy something else. I think.
My thoughts on the matter are not completely formed. So far, I’ve been going with the assumption that feelings don’t mix too well with D/s. Well, to an extent. If you love and care about your partner, I believe the D/s dynamic will be all the hotter. Good feelings are good. Just as bad feelings are bad.
Unless… one could get a positive outcome out of it? If Boy Toy in a CB6000 is more attentive (while super horny and loving it) and I am happier, is this wrong? Actually, I touched the whole “using D/s to resolve a problem” thing in a recent post:
I tried using D/s to resolve a problem. Well, not a problem per say, but a situation which, in my opinion, could improve. I thought it was a good idea; Boy Toy gets all subby and turned on when I order him around. But when this didn’t work, I got upset because things didn’t improve AND because Boy Toy didn’t obey. We got into an argument over it. And on top of everything, the next day, I punished him for it! I called it discipline, but I’m pretty sure my frustrations had a lot to do with it.
Yeah. So when I wrote this, seems I was pretty sure it was a big no-no. But what if we had communicated about it better and I hadn’t gotten upset when it didn’t work? Couldn’t it be a fun, sexy way to improve on certain situations?
Putting aside my obvious lack of control when it comes to my emotions… I’ve laid down a few thoughts here but I’m interested in knowing what YOU all think about it.
Category: Domination, Ramblings | 
8 Comments »
April 8th, 2009 at 9:18 am
Not in my opinion. When I’m locked up, I recognize I’m a different person. I *like* that person (just as much as the non-locked Thumper). I also think Belle like’s that person (up to a point – locked Thumper is a lot needier than unlock Thumper – there are always trade-offs). BT has entered into a D/s relationship with you and that carried certain expectations. I think it’s entirely within your rights to use the accoutrement of that relationship to play your role.
In other words, if the device is being used to enhance and already healthy, loving relationship between two consenting people that underlies the D/s, then I think it’s all fair. However, if you were saying BT wasn’t really into you or the D/s thing so you were going to lock him up to help adjust his tude, then NO, that’d be BAD. But you’re not saying that. Are you?
April 8th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
One big problem- Doing that could lead BT to associate the chastity device with negativity or with your anger. That’s not a good thing.
From what you’re saying here, it sounds like he isn’t even aware there’s a problem.
The problem, I’d say, lies with the intention behind the order.
I agree with this statement completely. Doing it this way seems like an underhanded way of achieving an end which would be better reached through more straightforward communication. If you want him to be more submissive (and he’s aware of this) but he’s not doing it, he’s either not interested in going to that level, or he’s bratting in order to provoke a reaction.
April 8th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
I kind of see both sides of the story. I think if the intention to be the partner you need is there, and vice versa, then using the ds dynamic to supercharge it isnt a bad thing. If its being purely driven by ds and without it he has no interest in being the man you need, then its just papering over the cracks.
Or something
Hope that made sense
April 8th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
I really think that is what he wants you to do. It may be that his inattention is his way of saying pay attention to me, by showing me you are in control, or you want to control me.
Just a thought.
Web
April 9th, 2009 at 7:45 am
Thumper: I’ve often told Boy Toy that he’s different when denied, but he *denies* this
I’m not saying Boy Toy isn’t into me. This summer, it’ll be 2 years we’re together, so… And he loves the D/s, too. But my insecurity often makes me doubt that he loves me, as silly as it may be. And that, in turn, makes me want to see him attentive and loving, but I look in the wrong places. I look at what he doesn’t do, all the while ignoring what he does do. A problem of perception that makes me hesitate when I think “Hmm, in the CB he WOULD be more attentive”.
Roo-roo: that’s very true, and I haven’t used it as “punishment” for my feelings of insecurity, no matter that it’s sometimes tempting. That was the idea behind this post, that I often refrain from locking him up because of just this. But whatever problems we do have, we do talk about them and he is aware. I’m not sure just how much he understands what’s going on on my end, but that’s ok. We’re very different. Just as long as he’s caring enough to listen, and so far, he does very good at that. Still, I think I want to steer the discussion away from issues and more towards kink, for a little while.
Bratting to provoke a reaction? I’m not sure. It WOULD be just like him, though
Mikey: Yup, made sense. Boy Toy read your comment but didn’t understand it, though. Something I told him, then, is: “I’m thinking I would have to be totally ok with something before using D/s on that something. Like, if we wanted to make you more attentive to me by using a CB. Well I wouldn’t go there unless I was ok with how you are without the CB.” I think that’s what you meant? Sorta?
web: It could be. But Boy Toy does love his brattish ways. He loves feeling free to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. But then again, he loves my control, turns him on.
If he wants more control from me, I’m thinking he might not say it because he wouldn’t want me to feel pressured that way. Yup, that’s a suggestion that needs more thinkin’. And maybe a bit of a talk with Boy Toy.
April 9th, 2009 at 10:01 am
I think my Belle could have written that, word for word. We have historical issues in our relationship you (probably) don’t have, but I know she has similar insecurities and tends to not focus on those things that (I think) prove my devotion to her. That’s a big part of why I like it when she denies me and/or locks me up. I become more attentive and more likely to do and say those things that she wants and are inside me all the time but tend not to come out when I’m not totally over the moon horny for her. You and she might want to avoid having to resort to a chastity device to get the feedback you want, but I think it’s just another tactic to lubricate and maintain our relationship. It is *totally fair* because I want her to play her role as my dominant. I don’t think either of you should feel any hesitation in using the weapons in your arsenal that we *want* you to use.
He’s either just saying that to make you “try harder” or he’s got more than one kind of denial going on!
April 9th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Thanks, Thumper. Maybe it was his way of telling me he wanted me to show his control, after all. I’ve decided I’d test it out, told him to wear the CB while I was away this weekend. I got no brattish trying-to-get-out-of-it behavior, none whatsoever.
Knowing that he’ll be feeling all subby while I’m away having fun, that’s pretty hot! On that note, off I go!
April 9th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
[...] make a man act more attentive, affectionate, etc.? Is that manipulative? Is it fair? Feel free to read her post for yourself, but that’s my take on what she was getting at. I left some comments over there [...]