We have friends, a couple, who are real kinky. They don’t usually give us any details of their sex life, but I’ve seen scratch marks and they go to fetish parties/clubs all the time. So yeah, they’re kinky. Besides, we’ve touched the subject… just not in depth.

I know the guy much more than I know the girl. M has been a friend of mine for years, we’ve even had our almost-fling at one point. I know he likes latex, loves a girl who dresses the part. It’s a big fetish of his. He loves a girl who wears a choker, and I’ve heard snatches about bondage and, mostly, pain.

His girlfriend, let’s call her M2, I don’t know quite as much. He’s been seeing her since last summer but I just haven’t gotten on a personal level with her. That isn’t to say I don’t like her or anything, just don’t really know her all that much. She is younger.

I wrote of her once. It was when she and M were just starting to date. She asked me, then, ”Who’s dominant and who’s submissive? Who gives the pain?” It led me to think that her and M’s kink is more geared towards physical pain than mine and Boy Toy’s.

It still seems to be the case. Last Friday, we were hanging out around a few drinks and the subject of D/s came up. A friend asked M2 if her boyfriend, M, was more sub or dom. ”About 75% dominant”, she said. And when asked about her own preferences, she replied that she would like to be more dominant, but wasn’t very good at giving pain. (I might add here that she’s not very big.)

Hmmm. So dominating someone is only about pain?

I beg to differ. I barely ever hurt Boy Toy, except maybe that time I cropped him. No, I’d say it’s about control. Mind games. Having the other at your mercy and wondering at what you’ll do next. It’s the satisfaction of seeing your partner obey your orders, knowing that you have that power over them, that if you tell him to stand on all four so you can fuck him with a dildo, he’ll do it. It’s spying for the tell-tale drop of pre-cum that betrays his arousal when you tell him he’s yours. Looking at him kneel naked in front of you for 10 minutes every morning. Or locking his cock in a CB6000 and watch him act more and more submissive. It’s whispering “You’re my property” in his ear when he’s about to fall asleep, and listening to him tell of his kinky dreams, the next morning.

Of course, I realise some people are simply into pain. To each their kink. But I think if they limit themselves to this aspect of things, they are missing out. So I told M2 we should have a talk over coffee, sometime.