Insecurity. Yeah, yeah. We all know I’ve got it. I fight it and fight it and fight it. But it has a strange fluid nature: I don’t always feel insecure. No.

Boy Toy and I were talking about sexy clothes, the other night. I thought we had a different view on this subject because of our gender difference, but in retrospect, it was probably insecurity on my part. Well, maybe a bit of the boy-girl thing, too.

Whenever he talks about a sexy style that I would consider trashy (because the snob in me believes there’s a classy way to do sexy) I end up feeling… I don’t know. As if he is saying I should dress that way. That the way I dress isn’t sexy enough or something. Yeah, I know.

He told me that most of the girls he knew who would once in a while dress very provocatively did it in fact to boost their confidence. They would revel in the attention they got, in how sexy they felt. When he said that, I explained that I have to be in a certain frame of mind to dress sexy at all, I have to feel comfortable with myself. And all of a sudden, I was crying [editor's note: PMS].

The rest of the conversation was pretty difficult as the insecurity-beast in me raged and raged.

Then we smoothed things out and people arrived. We drank our usual shots and went out dancing. As I walked in the club, this song I like was playing. Boy Toy wasn’t even done checking his coat, I was already on the dance floor. And there I was, all of a sudden feeling pretty damn sexy and completely self-confident.

I was alone on the dance floor. Well, not literally alone, there were many others dancing. But I wasn’t dancing with anyone I know. Oh, I saw a friend or two, waved and smiled, but I went on dancing in my little private universe. In this universe of mine, I was a goddess. I grooved to the beats and the melodies, my limbs fluid, my movements speaking of sex. I totally owned the dance floor.

Ahhh, there’s no dancing like drunken dancing!

This is where the thought hit me, that insecurity is such a liquid thing. In my vodka-induced state, this made a lot of sense and I recall thinking, I should remember this and write about it on my blog. Then another thought: I’m Elle, from Kink Unleashed, and no one here is the wiser. I write about kinky sex and post alluring and provocative pictures of myself. Oh how sexy and confident I felt, right at that moment.

I guess it’s a start?