A blurry line
I go to Boy Toy’s a few times a week to work out, and last Wednesday, after my workout, Boy Toy offered to give me a massage. I lay down on his couch, naked, and he sat on top of me. He gave me a wonderful, erotic massage which ended with his tongue between my legs and as he was licking and suckling, I was thinking of how I could get this to happen more often.
It’s a hard subject to bring up, I find. I didn’t want him to feel insulted or pressured, I just wanted more intimate moments because they feel great and I need this intimacy with him. The thing is, I find we let life intrude too much, we don’t make enough time for these fleeting moments of sensuality.
I decided the best way to go about this was to make a new rule for him: he’d have to give me three orgasms per weekend. Sounded reasonable. More than what we usually have, yet far from impossible. Yes, this was definitely a good idea I was having while his face was buried in my crotch.
While fantasizing about my new rule, I came pretty hard. And I purposefully ignored Boy Toy’s cock. No orgasm for him, not that night.
The next day, over IM, I told him about my new rule. To make it even more appealing, I told him if he complied, he would be allowed one orgasm during the week (he is forbidden to cum unless allowed). I had considered imposing a punishment if he failed, but in the end I opted for a reward. I felt this was more fun and positive.
Sounds like a great deal, no? I thought so, anyway, and Boy Toy seemed to as well.
Friday came along and as usual, I showed up at his place. We had a friend over then went to bed early and… went right to sleep. The next morning, he got up before me, as usual, but instead of showering with me like he normally does, he said he’d shower later. Hmmm…
To move matters along, when I got out of the shower, I grabbed Boy Toy’s shiny, sexy cock ring and looked at him with a knowing smile. That’s about all it took for him to pull down his pants and put the thing on. It must have been around 1 PM.
Later that night, before our friends were due to come over, I tried talking with Boy Toy about my new rule. I was disappointed and upset that nothing had come of it. Unfortunately, we aren’t always very good at communicating and it turned into a fight… We dropped the subject and made up before anyone arrived and simply left it at that. No use ruining the evening for ourselves or anyone else. We had a great time, partied with our friends, went out, then came back and went to bed, Boy Toy still wearing his cock ring.
Sunday morning, as I was sipping my coffee, Boy Toy kneeled on the couch, naked, for his daily 10 minutes of submission. I didn’t have to remind him, like I usually do on weekends. And as he kneeled there, exposed and vulnerable, I idly mentioned that perhaps he needed some… discipline. Maybe a little spanking would help him. “How many spanks should I give you?”, I asked. I had planned on doubling his number but since he said “zero” and then “two”, I opted for 10.
And so, as soon as his 10 minutes were up, I told him to get on hands and knees. He obeyed, and I cropped the hell out of his ass.
Now, this is not something I usually do. I must have spanked him once before, when I played at being a cop with Boy Toy. I went a little harder this time and left marks. A first.
After Boy Toy’s spanking, I allowed him to finally remove the cock ring and we showered. When I took off my shorts and underwear, I realized the cropping had left me wet, a fact that I made sure to point out.
Once we were nice and clean, we went back up in his little sun room and frolicked in the sun. He went down on me and we had sex, it was hot, steamy, lovely.
Now… Now I’m back home and these things have been going round and round in my head. I’ve often reflected on the line between D/s and “real life” and if these events prove anything, it’s that the line is not clearly drawn in my mind.
I tried using D/s to resolve a problem. Well, not a problem per say, but a situation which, in my opinion, could improve. I thought it was a good idea; Boy Toy gets all subby and turned on when I order him around. But when this didn’t work, I got upset because things didn’t improve AND because Boy Toy didn’t obey. We got into an argument over it. And on top of everything, the next day, I punished him for it! I called it discipline, but I’m pretty sure my frustrations had a lot to do with it.
Talk about a blurry line…
So yeah. I feel kinda bad. Well except for the crop marks, I’m pretty proud of those. Thankfully, my Boy Toy’s quite smitten with me and doesn’t hold such things against me.
I’m a lucky owner.
Category: Domination, Punishment, Ramblings | 
6 Comments »
March 24th, 2009 at 4:53 am
From my experience, using d/s to try to work on ‘nilla stuff usually doesn’t work. Communication (as equals) does though.
If you want him to get you off more often, why not initiate? Dropping hints doesn’t seem to work, so being a little more up front may be necessary. After all, you said he gets all jello-ish when you give him orders.
March 24th, 2009 at 6:40 am
Trust me, I know. I just didn’t see my want for more intimacy as a problem. I did give it some thought first and I concluded it was a fun, kinky way to bring… improvement. And from Boy Toy’s initial reaction, he seemed to think so too.
But Boy Toy is stressed and tired of late and I guess sex isn’t on his mind much. I knew this, but the way I see it, a nice moment of intimacy can be relaxing and fun and get your mind off things. I figured it might help him, too, in this sense. So I opted for what I saw as a fun rule for both of us. Especially since he would get an extra orgasm during the week out of this. It wasn’t meant as pressure, but was supposed to be fun.
When things didn’t work out my way, I got upset. I know, I know, I shouldn’t have…
Here is where I tried communication. Truth is, I didn’t want to bring it up. Communication between us is often difficult and I just didn’t think this conversation would turn out well. But he noticed I was upset (I’m too transparent for my own good) and asked what was up. I first chalked it up to being tired but he insisted. So I told him, calmly and nicely, in my humble opinion, that I would like more intimacy. What can I say, intimacy with my boy feels amazing. But Boy Toy felt pressure from this and things went downhill from there.
I should have waited until I wasn’t upset to discuss this with him, I guess. That’s why I didn’t want to talk about it at first, I wanted to avoid the inevitable fight. When Boy Toy feels pressured from stuff I tell him, it makes me feel pretty bad and well, I’m an emotional person, I feel and react real quick.
I also think Boy Toy’s submissive tendencies don’t help us, here. It seems to me that everything and anything I tell him make him feel pressured. I’ve come to believe this is because he feels he must do and comply with everything I tell him. That he sees my attempt at communicating as somewhat of an order, while on my end, I feel I’m putting what’s in my head on the table so it’ll be up for examination, reflection and negotiation between us.
This, communication, is our biggest problem. We get through it fairly well, all things considered. After the initial outbursts, we usually calm down and figure SOME of it out, and keep the rest for the next outburst
I didn’t go this deep into it in my post because, well, it’s personal and also, I don’t necessarily want to use my blog to wash my dirty laundry. It’s ok, though, I think in the end, writing it down just helps me put my thoughts in something like order, it helps me understand. I do want to talk about it with Boy Toy and this will help, whether he reads it or not.
As for initiating, Boy Toy being the subby type, he rarely initiates. A girl gets tired of initiating. I’ve told him this before.
Whew! TMI?
March 24th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
No, not TMI at all.
Is he aware of the differences in your goals in communication? In other words, does he know you’re not giving him orders when you have conversations like that? He may be seeing it that way, or it could just be him trying to go the extra mile for you. Just a guess; I’m not sure which it is.
March 24th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
I’m not sure which it is either. I’ve tried to bring it up but I don’t think I’ve managed to explain my goal in communication clearly, yet. The way I wrote it here, I think it’s the best I’ve explained it so far, so I’ll be sure to forward it to him.
When I’ve told him, in the past, that he doesn’t have to DO something when I bring it up, he’s countered that if he doesn’t do the something, I get upset. Maybe. Probably. But actually, I think I get upset if he doesn’t react and it looks like he doesn’t care. He’s just not super expressive and I’m quick to assume it’s indifference.
I think it’s time we figure this out!
March 24th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
I say it every time you write a post like this…. But it’s nice to know there is someone else in a similar position as I am. Trying to find the ‘right’ way to make such a relationship work.
I learn through you, lol.
xo
March 24th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
Vixen: thanks, it’s good to be understood! But I think it’s not just “our kind” of relationship, it’s any relationship.
As strange (and lame) as this may sound, I find that reading these silly self-help psychology-type articles help me at times like this. They might not be full of the ultimate wisdom, but they do have the merit of helping me think, showing me different perspectives and pushing me to instrospection. Then I throw some tidbits of my new-found enlightment at Boy Toy and he humours me and things feel better. lol!
I read this today: “As it happens, women find their stress levels go down when they are able to talk in detail about themselves, their work, their problems. Women are good at doing this kind of talk, and most men are not.” lol… so true! For me, anyway. I just want to talk and talk and talk about stuff, ya know? And Boy Toy? Not so much…
At least, it feels good to know we’re actually normal in this!