Conspiracy theories are all the rage these days. “Big Brother is watching!” If the government is watching you, who else is? Which in turn brings the thought: What if I was “found out”?

I think about that, sometimes. A few weeks ago, I went downtown for a day of professional training. My boss decided I should know more stuff. When I got the email confirmation for the activity, it said I could bring my laptop, that there would be wireless Internet available. My first thought was that it’d be cool to have it with me. I could check email, maybe even chat if things got too boring. But then I remembered how full my hard drive is of naughty pictures and stuff related to my blog. Hmm. Kinda risky, especially with some of this shit right on my desktop. Of course, I could move everything to a less conspicuous location, but still. Who knows who can access my ‘puter when I’m on a public, non-secure wireless network? And what about when I’d leave the laptop in the classroom during lunch?

I’m probably just paranoid, but I decided I’d content myself with taking notes. Besides, it’s my own personal machine, not my work’s, and it wasn’t mandatory to bring one along.   

As I was sitting there, listening to our teacher throw his technical babble at us, I watched the other participants and remembered my left-behind laptop. What WOULD happen if I was found out? Probably not much. Except that some people I know would look at me (and Boy Toy) quite differently Read the rest of this entry »

Insecurity. Yeah, yeah. We all know I’ve got it. I fight it and fight it and fight it. But it has a strange fluid nature: I don’t always feel insecure. No.

Boy Toy and I were talking about sexy clothes, the other night. I thought we had a different view on this subject because of our gender difference, but in retrospect, it was probably insecurity on my part. Well, maybe a bit of the boy-girl thing, too.

Whenever he talks about a sexy style that I would consider trashy (because the snob in me believes there’s a classy way to do sexy) I end up feeling… I don’t know. As if he is saying I should dress that way. That the way I dress isn’t sexy enough or something. Yeah, I know.

He told me that most of the girls he knew who would once in a while dress very provocatively did it in fact to boost their confidence. They would revel in the attention they got, in how sexy they felt. When he said that, I explained that I have to be in a certain frame of mind to dress sexy at all, I have to feel comfortable with myself. And all of a sudden, I was crying [editor's note: PMS].

The rest of the conversation was pretty difficult as the insecurity-beast in me raged and raged.

Then we smoothed things out and people arrived. We drank our usual shots and went out dancing. As I walked in the club, this song I like was playing. Boy Toy wasn’t even done checking his coat, I was already on the dance floor. And there I was, all of a sudden feeling pretty damn sexy and completely self-confident.

I was alone on the dance floor. Well, not literally alone, there were many others dancing. But I wasn’t dancing with anyone I know. Oh, I saw a friend or two, waved and smiled, but I went on dancing in my little private universe. In this universe of mine, I was a goddess. I grooved to the beats and the melodies, my limbs fluid, my movements speaking of sex. I totally owned the dance floor.

Ahhh, there’s no dancing like drunken dancing!

This is where the thought hit me, that insecurity is such a liquid thing. In my vodka-induced state, this made a lot of sense and I recall thinking, I should remember this and write about it on my blog. Then another thought: I’m Elle, from Kink Unleashed, and no one here is the wiser. I write about kinky sex and post alluring and provocative pictures of myself. Oh how sexy and confident I felt, right at that moment.

I guess it’s a start?

Boy Toy usually helps me with my HNT pictures, but not so this week. These are self-portraits. Feeling independent last Sunday, I grabbed the camera, shut myself in the bathroom and proceeded with my own personal photoshoot. I’m not even close to half the photographer he is but… these are mine and that makes them a little more personal.

Happy HNT! 

Want to join in the HNT sexy fun? Check out the guidelines at Osbasso’s place!   

I go to Boy Toy’s a few times a week to work out, and last Wednesday, after my workout, Boy Toy offered to give me a massage. I lay down on his couch, naked, and he sat on top of me. He gave me a wonderful, erotic massage which ended with his tongue between my legs and as he was licking and suckling, I was thinking of how I could get this to happen more often.

It’s a hard subject to bring up, I find. I didn’t want him to feel insulted or pressured, I just wanted more intimate moments because they feel great and I need this intimacy with him. The thing is, I find we let life intrude too much, we don’t make enough time for these fleeting moments of sensuality. 

I decided the best way to go about this was to make a new rule for him: he’d have to give me three orgasms per weekend. Sounded reasonable. More than what we usually have, yet far from impossible. Yes, this was definitely a good idea I was having while his face was buried in my crotch. Read the rest of this entry »

In a recent post, I mentioned a dream of Boy Toy’s which started a whole conversation on D/s and 24/7. Perhaps you were curious about this dream. Well, ladies and gentlemen, wonder no more. I give you Boy Toy’s dream!

Ok, so it’s about the living together trial thing or the two weeks slave thing. Something happened and we need to talk, and I’m kneeling in my usual submissive position on the couch, like I do in the morning. You tell me you’ve decided that for you, it has to be full on 24/7 and before I can muster any words you’ve put on me collar, cuffs, ankle cuffs and ball cuff!

Then I remember a talk about punishments. You had me get the saw horse out and told me to always have it accessible downstairs, and you made me put hooks on it that you would use to cuff me up and you would leave me there for a while… to think about the rule I broke. And you punished me right then, for attempting to negotiate conditions without getting into position first. :$ Read the rest of this entry »

I was at Boy Toy’s Monday to work out, and I asked him to help me with my next HNT post. “Let’s take a more clothed picture, for a change” he said, surprising me. For he’s a guy after all: the less clothing the better, no?

We looked through the bunch of clothes I have at his place and found this ultra short, sleek and shiny black skirt. Hmmm… I guess it still counts as more clothed.

To be frank, though, we had a hard time coming up with an idea for these pictures. We tried a few things and a few places before opting for what you see below. Sooo if anyone has a suggestion for next week…

Anyone?

By the way, I had a bit of fun with Photoshop on these shots. Boy Toy sent me a link with instructions on how to do a cross-processing effect. Decided I’d try my hand at it (it’s easy, actually) and Boy Toy loved the results so I thought I’d defer to his judgement and show you. Don’t ask me what cross-processing is, though. Some photography thing. And since I’m no expert, I can’t tell if the Photoshop effect is good :D

Happy HNT!

Want to join in the HNT sexy fun? Check out the guidelines at Osbasso’s place!  

Wow, I sure wrote quite the post the other day. I felt a little confused over the place D/s has in our relationship. Scared is probably the better term; 24/7 sounds hardcore and scary, to me. But in retrospect, I realize I asked the wrong question. That’s what roo-roo said, anyway, and he’s right. Besides, I answered my own question right in my post: “With time, I’ve come to sort of admit that our relationship is 24/7, or at least some aspects of it are, since I basically decide when and how we play.”

No, I think the real issue is to find the correct balance, as web said. I really like the way roo-roo puts it, too:

“24/7 doesn’t have to mean that d/s flavors every single interaction. It can be a constant background hum which occasionally gets louder and fades.

Rather than focusing on whether you’re 24/7 or not, I think it’s best to look at where each of you want this to go. How do you want things to be? What do you want to explore or get a tiny taste of? What have you tried that you want more of? These are the things you may want to look at rather than the “game vs. lifestyle” question.”

And this is something we haven’t really done. We just let things flow as they will. I imagine balance will be achieved naturally, with time… Or will it? I sure hope so because I can’t seem to bring myself to set rules and protocols and define clear limits. It would take a lot of fun out of it, for me. And it sounds like too much work

In my post, I also did sorta kinda mention that D/s shouldn’t be a solution to relationship issues. I said: “As for my insecurity, I told him I’m not sure domination is the answer. I want the relationship to work well on its own, not rely on D/s or something like that. I told him he can help me feel secure with his feelings for me, which he indeed does.”

Well, the next day I happened to read a wonderfully written post on just this subject, written by Devastating Yet Inconsequential. I mention it because she has a much clearer way with words than I and her post is worth reading (as is the rest of her blog).

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On another note, Boy Toy and I took a few pictures tonight. As a matter of fact, I took a few naked pictures of him this weekend, while he was kneeling in front of me for his daily 10 minutes of submission. But those are for my eyes only.

The pictures we took tonight, though, are meant for my next HNT. I had just finished training and I was hungry, which means I was grumpy. Poor Boy Toy! I really did my best not to be too bitchy. But it seems like none of his ideas pleased me. First he had me sitting on the cold, cold washing machine with nothing but a skimpy short skirt on. Ouch! Then he thought we should do something with a little weight (for weight lifting). Something about training. In the end, I opted for an equally skimpy skirt, this one tight and shiny. And socks, knee high socks. Stay tuned!

There were no kinky dreams for Boy Toy this week, but the week before saw plenty of them. And as usual, his dreams revolve around hardcore 24/7. Check them out if you want to have a little look in the deepest, darkest corners of Boy Toy’s head.

This latest bunch of dreams got us talking about full on 24/7. It certainly isn’t the first time this happens, and it certainly isn’t the first time I give this whole thing serious thought. For proof, you only need read this post, this one, this one and this one… And the list probably goes on.

This time, the conversation went on via emails we sent each other while I was at work. It started when Boy Toy sent me his last dream, one which I haven’t posted yet. It involved training and punishment, rules about masturbating in front of me or him having to wait for me by the sawhorse, with the crop, when he did anything that called for punishment. When I told him this was quite a nice dream, he said: “In reality, I’m not sure I’m 24/7 convertible though.”

This got me thinking. With time, I’ve come to sort of admit that our relationship is 24/7, or at least some aspects of it are, since I basically decide when and how we play. Most of our time is spent living a “normal” relationship but if I were to say “tonight, I’m tying you up and using my strap-on harness and dildo on you”, he would oblige. Unless he really wasn’t in the mood, which I would respect, but that’s rare. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s a challenge to come up with hot – and different – HNT pictures every week. No, really

Boy Toy and I have gotten into the habit of coming up with my HNT pictures on Sunday afternoons, before I go back home. It’s great: it’s quickly done and it means different pictures every week. Still, we gotta have an idea, first!

Last Sunday, I rummaged through our toy box and found some bondage tape. We figured we could do something with it… et voilà!

Enjoy (and click)!

 Want to join in the HNT sexy fun? Check out the guidelines at Osbasso’s place! 

This one is fucked up. First thing I remember is that we are with friends having shooters, listening to music and some word is going around, I remember M saying with a smile that he knows someone’s going to get some chastity device. He doesn’t say it directly like that, he’s sort of hinting at it and others are asking him questions while I’m confused, wondering what this is about and wondering if he’s talking about me. It’s a new device, and word is that it’s 100% safe. It’s like he is saying that something is going to happen here tonight.

Just remember a few bits as I’m kinda worried… what guy wouldn’t be. Ha!

Then next scene, I’m downstairs. I didn’t want to go because of the ”word” going around and I think I was tricked or forced there, not sure. And there is another couple there, a friend of yours or something, just not that close I think. And then I’m forced into this bound position and I remember saying “oh fuck it was me” but your friend or whatever also has the boy toy thing going with her guy. And he’s getting his chastity device put on first as I watch him, bound. Read the rest of this entry »