I have to confess that the clickthrough behind this picture was inspired by envy. Mariposa's HNT last week was simply breathtaking. So much so that last Sunday, as I was about to leave Boy Toy's place, I handed him the camera and instructed him to take beautiful pictures of my ass. The results aren't bad. We loved the lighting. But I think an actual photoshoot needs to happen soon ;) Happy HNT! Want to join in the HNT sexy fun? Check out the guidelines at Osbasso’s place! 

Just as I had a lot of mixed feelings going to my first fetish event, I hesitated writing about it, too. It's not that it didn't go well at the club, but the night did end with an argument between Boy Toy and I. Probably one of the worse we've had, and probably one of the most useless, too. But don't worry, this was months ago and it's long forgotten. And now that I've got the awkward part out of the way, I might as well tell you the rest of my story. A few of our friends go to fetish nights almost every weekend. Boy Toy had been to many, many such events, just not since he was with me. On top of that, I guess we see our kink as something private. It IS sex, after all... Still, I let my friends convince me into accompanying them. I was curious and I thought Boy Toy would like this. I figured I had to go at least once! I was nervous. I didn't know what kind of things would happen there, what kind of people I'd meet, how the evening would transpire... I felt pretty insecure. This is, in part, why Boy Toy and I fought, later. I needed him by my side, a dutiful submissive. But he wasn't feeling like himself, had just quit his job, lots of changes going on and so he wasn't there for me the way I expected him to be. On top of that, because I was nervous, I drank too much and well there you go, you have an explosive mix. That aside, it was a very interesting experience. I do know people that aren't necessarily in our circle of close friends and who, it turns out, were there. Now, the part I'm about to tell is another reason I hesitated to write this post: I was afraid the guy in question would stumble upon my blog and recognize himself in my story. Well. I guess it's just a risk I'll have to take. K, if you ever read this, just pretend you never did, okay? ;) So, we walk into the club and what do you know, the first person we run into is this guy I know, K. He was surprised to see me there, said something along the lines of "I didn't know you were into this kind of thing". Ah, well, here I am. K was wearing a straitjacket. A real one: his arms were tied behind his back and he couldn't use his hands at all. I laughed at his predicament and asked him how the hell he managed to get his drinks wearing this, to which he replied that he had others do it for him. "Great!" I thought. Without hesitation, I fished around in his pants' pockets, found some money and walked to the bar. I bought myself a shooter and a drink for him (of his choosing), with a straw. And for the next half hour, he was like my little puppy dog, following me around because I had his drink (he couldn't hold it). Every once in a while I'd give him a sip. I'm not even sure how this even happened. It seems funny to me that I stepped right into this dominant role, as if it was totally natural for me. Which it isn't, not really. Or maybe it is. I don't really know for sure. All I know is that it felt fun and daring and sexy, and Boy Toy was quite impressed when I went up to him with my (temporary) boy in tow and told him I had a slave. It was quite an evening, really. Another of our friends was wearing this dog collar and I had his leash in my purse. I was responsible for it. Not that I'd be using it, but I would be choosing who I gave it to. I gave it to this girl I know, and it was kind of hot. There was also a show of sorts going on. A guy doing some very kinky things to this girl on stage. It was fascinating. In a way, I felt strange standing there, observing something so intimate and sexual. The girl was blindfolded and one could tell she was totally, completely in sub-space. Her reactions were amazing to watch. I won't go into more details than that because, well, anonymity, you know. But, wow. Then later on, I was talking to K again and he mentioned flogging. When I said I had never seen this done, he had me follow him to some other section of the club (which was really big and in which I kinda got lost, after). He had some guy he knew tie him up to some sort of contraption, and flog him. This is when things got a little too fuzzy for me, I tried to go back to Boy Toy and couldn't find him and I got angry at him, so we cut the night short and went home.  Now it's months later, and writing about it makes me realize that we should do it again, sometime, and communicate better first about what I expect and how he thinks he'll feel. That night, he was in his own little thoughtful universe, and I, unfortunately, failed to see it because I was in my own little nervous universe.

Last week, I mentioned how I had Boy Toy wear a locked collar while our friends were there. None of them so much as whispered a word about it, and I thought they simply hadn't noticed. After all, it could have been a decorative collar, the padlock was hidden under his shirt. Turns out that my assumption about our friends not noticing was wrong. Yesterday, Boy Toy told me that our friend M asked about it, a couple of days ago. M is a kinky boy and he knows that Boy Toy and I are pretty kinky too. Well, the same applies to several friends, really. While we don't usually discuss particulars (especially Boy Toy and I), we ARE a naughty bunch and everybody knows it. So two days ago, M asked Boy Toy if he had been wearing the chain-harness that night. Such a question shouldn't come as too much of a shock to us, because M knows about the harness. When we made the thing, I told M about it. I showed him the drawing of my design, mainly because at the time, we were wondering about making harnesses for others. We sort of thought we'd make one for him, so I talked to him about it. I laughed delightedly when Boy Toy reported this conversation! I felt thrilled that we had been "discovered" at our little game. In my opinion, this adds a little humiliation for Boy Toy into the mix, and as long as it's just a little humiliating, it's actually hot. And M is honestly curious, in a respectful and innocent way. He's very much into kink himself. Boy Toy told me it didn't bother him that M would know such things about us, which I think is pretty cool. Means I can discuss a little more openly with my friend, and maybe even someday act upon my fantasy of having Boy Toy bound naked while our friends and I are there, having fun! It's an interesting dynamic we have with our friends.

When Boy Toy has a kinky dream, he normally tells me that same day but it can take a while before he writes it down for me. I used to get upset with him at this, insist on getting his accounts in a timely fashion. I've since learned to relax about it. I get them when I get them. And when I do, it feels like a special treat, a gift to unwrap and savor word for word. This one I thought was especially hot. The dream begins with you wanting to establish full dominance and stating that I'm not submissive enough. We are at my place talking and you're defining where you want the D/s aspect of our relationship to go, but you're saying that I'm not submitting or giving all into it. You seem to say you really need and want me to give in. It almost sounds like you were trying to say something like "I really need to fully dominate you but you're a tough cookie to crack." :D You're holding up what looks like a chastity tube and it turns into a discussion about my presentation at home. It seems you want me presented in submission when at home, or something like that, I'm still not sure what that meant. I remember I was kind of confused and trying to avoid the thought of you wanting me to always be naked and collared or caged at home. Then the dream flips to me in this car, and this woman is driving, she looks middle aged. But the scenery is amazingly beautiful. There are rocket pines and stones and bushes, it looks like the coast of Italy somewhere, and we are driving up to this really huge looking house. We walk inside and you're there waiting, and I'm trying to talk about how nice this place is but you keep switching the subject and wanting me to strip. At this point I'm aware that this is a place where D/s couples get help, training for him and learning for her sort of thing. You want me to strip right there, in this huge room. She says "He's a little slow". At this point you raise your voice and say "Quickly!" I strip and I fold up my clothes on the floor, as if they will be put away for a while. I remember feeling nervous as to not having access to any clothing once I part with it! It's a no way out sort of thing. I give them to that lady and she goes away. Then I'm kneeling on the floor, with legs spread and hands behind my neck. And you are walking around me saying how fucking nice and hot it looks. You tell me to check it out, and I step out of myself. I'm looking at myself in this huge room, the floor is white marble with black specks. I'm not sure if I'm me or what, but the me that's looking at me says "Wait, put this collar and cuffs on, and the balls need something too", as I admire how helpless and submissive the poor boy is (me, I think!) as you lock them into place. Then I just remember following you to our room. It's got this huge balcony and you want me to stand in a position facing out. I'm really shy and you put on this authoritative voice, ordering me to do it. I can see what looks like workers in this garden. That part looks more Victorian than anything, probably imagery I got from old paintings. Then it flips to this sort of party. Thinking back, it looks more like a dominant women's get together. It's full of other couples and all the males seem to be collared and half or completely naked. There are some weird things going on and I'm kinda trying to stay close to you, because I feel rather shy and scared a little as to what might happen here. It seems safer close to you because at this point, I remember this strange feeling, it's like I've been trained to submit and I feel like my faith is in your hands. And you have this really cool outfit on but you say "It's just for show because you know it's not what I wear, it's more mental than that" and also "I can wear just jeans now and you still submit fully to me". I don't know what that meant, I just remember that part. Then we are standing in front of this mirror, or I think it's like a tv screen and we are looking at ourselves, and I realize I'm butt naked and doing the cuffs/collar thing and you are whispering "See how this is better now, how amazing you look? You have to accept this." I think you mean the attire and my submission. That's all I remember.

It's crazy how fast the days go by! Seems like only yesterday I was posting that awesome picture of hands (mine and Boy Toy's) on my boobs, and it's already that time of the week again.

This week caught me a little unprepared. I had a cold, I couldn't very well get naked, bare-skinned in the chill air, to take new pictures. But never fear, I'm not yet out of pictures from the good old nekkid folder hidden somewhere deep within my hard drive! You'll recognize this from my photoshoot a few months ago; I've posted images from the same series before, although not these exact ones. I thought these were especially fun, and fun is what you need when you are sick with a cold, in the heart of winter. Hopefully they'll warm your hearts, as the memory of that photo session warms mine. Happy HNT! 

Want to join in the HNT sexy fun? Check out the guidelines at Osbasso’s place!

Friday, I decided that this would be the night I finally fuck Boy Toy's butt. It's been over a month since I got my strap-on harness and shiny black penis, yet we haven't used them yet. Life interfered; he was busy, I was busy, I had a bit of the winter blues and wasn't feeling very kinky/dominant... But a couple of weeks ago, I told him "You have two weeks. In the next two weeks, you have to find a time that's good for you." And of course, he didn't. This fucking him up the ass thing really embarrasses him, it turns out. It's one of those things that actually really turn him on but he's ashamed to admit it, so if I force it on him, then it makes it OK and leaves him free to be totally aroused. It's a little more psychological than that, even, in that what really turns him on is that I force my will on him. He loves the power play, the mindfuck. So Friday when he called me up, I told him I wanted to play that night, despite having a cold. He knew full well what that meant: I could practically hear him blush. But as soon as I hung up, I realized I was sicker than I had thought. Damn! It's one of those colds that you really feel in your chest. When I'm resting or not doing much, I feel pretty good, but the littlest thing will provoke this deep cough that hurts like a bitch. In other words, I'm fine if I just sit there but I feel like shit if I go for a walk outside. I went to his place anyway, and we did play a little. But I had to keep it short and decided to take a rain check on the strap-on play. Couldn't exert myself too much... ;) Still, we had a nice little session. I got there and we kissed hello then caught up a little, telling each other how our day went and those other little things we can't wait to tell each other. Eventually, we were standing and I simply said "Strip", which he promptly did. Lovely how quickly he obeys! Then I had him fetch the collar he had so recently dreamed about, and I locked it around his neck. When he recounted that latest dream of his, he told me it made him wonder if a collar would have that much effect on him and how he'd manage to get permission to take it off. So as soon as he had it on, I looked into his eyes for dramatic effect and told him this was our chance to find out. I decided to start this one with a massage. I knew he needed it, for one, but I also knew this relaxes him and sex is a thing he enjoys most when relaxed. Yes, yes, I know, I SPOIL my Boy Toy. It's funny too that I asked him if giving him a massage would be too much spoiling. He answered eagerly and enthusiastically that yes, it would be spoiling him very much. I decided to do it anyway so I had him go get the baby oil, which we normally use for massages, and in the meantime I stripped down to my bra and panties. He came back and lay on his stomach on the couch. I sat on his butt and whispered in his ear: "Since this is supposed to be relaxing for you, I won't give you any instructions - for now." I rubbed the baby oil into the skin of his back with long, languorous strokes, kneading his sore muscles to the sound of his satisfied moans, then moving down to his legs. When I thought I'd massaged him enough, I told him to turn around and lay on his back, while I took off my underwears. I forbid him to talk, ordered him to keep his eyes closed. Dripping baby oil on him, I rubbed him all over his chest, sometimes coming teasingly close to his cock, at other times running my hands down his legs. Then I took him in my mouth. Now, blowjobs aren't something we do very often. I had reason not to feel completely comfortable with them before (not anymore) and Boy Toy also feels somewhat uncomfortable. I discussed it with him afterward: I think it's because he feels I am, in a way, servicing him. To just lay back and do nothing while I'm actively pleasing him isn't natural to him. I guess he feels it should be the other way around. Nonetheless, I wanted to give him this sensation. It is arousing. So I licked and suckled and tickled his fancy until he was good and hard. This took a bit of work, because as I said, he wasn't entirely comfortable. Once properly hard, I moved onto him, guiding his penis inside of me. I rocked back and forth a few times until he gasped from arousal and then, slipping off of his cock, I moved higher up and straddled his face. With his eyes still closed, he started licking in earnest, his hands all over my body. I moved off his face after only one orgasm, because I didn't think I could keep it up for much longer. I went back to fucking him and shortly had him coming. We both sighed with deep satisfaction and lay in each other's arms for a while, until we decided to get up and cook something. Our friends called while we were eating, asking if they could stop by. Boy Toy was still wearing his collar and I declared that he would keep it on all night. A little experiment. He hid the padlock under his shirt but you could still see the metal ring around his neck, yet none of our friends said anything. Whether they noticed it and decided not to pry or simply didn't realize what it was, I do not know. We went to bed later and Boy Toy never asked for the key. So I let him sleep in it. The next day though, he asked to be let out because we were about to jump in the shower and he feared the collar or the lock would rust. I let him take it off, telling him it was too bad because I liked seeing this demonstration of my ownership. The rest of the weekend was pretty tame, considering my cold. I somehow managed to be reasonable and not go out. Boy Toy and I had shower sex, twice.  Just can't keep our hands off of each other in that shower, what can I say? And now I'm back home. My throat is killing me, but I'm happy. I had a wonderful time with Boy Toy this weekend, and I'm not forgetting that rain check...

Seems like Boy Toy's back in the game, with two dreams this week only. It was about time! I had a collar locked on, the one we use with the chain-harness. And apparently you had put me through some training so that when I had the collar on, I would follow protocols or something. I remember that if I touched myself, before I knew it I would have this metal chastity tube on my cock, and I was trying to find out if, when I stopped touching myself and started again, the chastity tube would disappear and reappear. Apparently, taking the collar off would take me out of submission or trained mode. It felt like a periodic thing, something you did according to your own schedule, but you wouldn't  say what that schedule was, and you were really different when I had the collar on, like much more in control of me, giving hard orders or commands, and I didn't dare disobey because there was something about punishments. I also remember various things like being in collared mode and bending over the corner of a large table to be punished. I had to stand on my toes, with legs spread, for a humiliating spanking, and I was thinking "I wish the collar wasn't on right now". You were demanding that I hold that position for a while after punishment so as to make me realize that I fucked up or something. Then the collar was off and I was trying to remember the rules, and wondering if I could only remember them when it was on or while I was in sub-space. Then the collar is back on, I’m stripped, and you’re telling me something along the lines that I was bred or trained to submit, and I'm kinda trying to disagree and you’re asking me why I'm wet then, or why I’m being submissive right now.

It's HNT time, and as luck would have it, I had Boy Toy take a few pictures of scantily clad me last weekend. Remember how I shot a few photos of naked, kneeling Boy Toy Sunday? Well what I didn't tell you is that once I had satisfied my need for hot images of my submitting boy, and his 10 minutes were up, I handed him the camera. I love having new pictures to show you! Happy HNT!

Want to join in the HNT sexy fun? Check out the guidelines at Osbasso’s place! PS: If you wonder about the scantily clad bit, well, I AM wearing hands.

Since I haven't had much to write about of late, I decided to find my inspiration elsewhere. The results? My very first TMI Tuesday! 1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body? Strange but I really had to think about this one. I thought over every part of Boy Toy's body and I must admit I got side-tracked a couple of times... In the end, I decided that I don't particularly like the inside of ears or nose, or the weird little knob of flesh that covers the very tip of the elbow. Boy Toy's big toe also gets a special mention, for his fucked up nail. 2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about? I know it's supposed to go over, but I really don't care about it at all. I have a distinct memory of a once boyfriend telling me it was supposed to be OVER but he liked it better under and so that's how he'd put it. That was the first time I ever knew it was supposed to matter! I must have been around 17 or 18. 3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner? No. I'm too much of a good girl for that ;)  4. Did your parents have a "birds & bees" talk with you? If so, at what age? Apparently, yes! I don't remember it, but my mom actually told me, over the holidays, that I asked her where babies come from when I was a child, and that she explained it to me. I have no clue how old I was. 5. What is one thing a someone could do to you to rock your world? Rock my world. Sexually? Well, I love, love, love when Boy Toy goes down on me. He's damn good with his tongue, that boy. He's given me a new appreciation for the activity. Bonus (as in optional): What does sex mean to you? Now, THIS is a hard one. I will not be so beautifully eloquent as Ms I. about it, I'm afraid. And I find I am having difficulty detaching this question from Boy Toy. After all, he's the only person I've had sex with in over a year and a half. Sex is connection and closeness. Lust and arousal. And it's letting go. Letting myself be naughty, sensual, sometimes dirty. Freedom. It's sharing my body, giving and receiving pleasure. That's the best I can come up with :P

A few weeks ago, I wrote that I was going through something of a dry spell. That Boy Toy and I weren't having much sex, that I wasn't feeling much inspired to write. The situation hasn't changed a whole lot since. In fact, I feel kind of out of control. Over myself and over Boy Toy. Winter and hormones have been hitting pretty hard and let's just say that the last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me. I try - and fail - not to impose it on Boy Toy, who is so totally different than me he has a hard time getting me (I blame this on the fact that he is a boy and I am a girl). I try not to lash out, not to say anything, not to ask for reassurance, because I know it's such a mess in my head, it can't possibly make sense to him when I blurt it out. It would be much better if I waited until it made sense to me, so I could explain it properly. And so I could tell him exactly what it is I want. As it is, I start with saying something is wrong and by the end of the conversation, I've asked him 10 different things and we've both lost track. Yeah, out of control... It's hard to be very kinky when you feel like this, so not much has been going on there. I haven't even tried my new strap-on yet. We have sex, just not quite as often as usual and mostly it's shower sex (quite nice). But I've kinda let kink go. I feel like I've lost that control and I don't like it. But he's been especially busy too, so it seems we're both just not in the mood. He still isn't allowed to cum unless given permission, which means he only cums during the weekend, when/if we have sex. And he still kneels naked for 10 minutes every morning, for me. However, these are things that happen while I'm not there and he doesn't mention them, so they remain sort of abstract, unreal, in my mind. Once in a while I make a comment, ask a question, try to regain a bit of my control over him. For a few fleeting moments, I recapture these feelings of confident domination. This morning, for instance. I got up a while after him and walked downstairs, naked and messy haired. There he was, wearing sweat pants and a tank and I asked him why he was dressed, told him to take his clothes off. Once he had made my coffee, I had him kneel in front of me, for his 10 minutes. My 10 minutes. I watched him, enjoying the view as I always do. He saw the proprietary look in my eye and it made him wet - I caught him wipe an errand drop once or twice. After a few minutes, I said it would look pleasing if he kept his hands behind his neck. Then I got up, grabbed the camera and shot a few pictures of my lovely Boy Toy.

Once the 10 minutes were over, we showered, had sex, ate breakfast and went on with our day. These were just a few moments, but it felt like I had found myself again. I felt a little less out of control.