Last week, I mentioned how Boy Toy and I had to make some adjustments to our cigarette agreement. Well, I am sad to report that the agreement has died…

We both agreed to let it go, don’t worry. But I’m still unsure of how I feel about it. I’m learning just how hard it is to give up control.

Boy Toy is the one who asked for this. He believes that the cigarette limit wasn’t helping him quit, because he kept thinking about how many cigarettes he had left for the day, he focused on it. Made him want the cigarettes more. He really wants to quit and he argued that it has to be on his own terms and he wants to be able to just smoke without worry, until he’s ready. I’m not sure I put it down right, but when he explained it to me, it made sense and so I said yes.

Still, I feel uneasy. It’s the only rules we were able to actually keep going, and it had been over a year. I tried to address this with Boy Toy but he refuses to talk about cigarettes. Puts pressure on him, he says, because he sees it as me asking when he’s quitting. It was stressing him. I backed off.

But I can say it here, in a post.

As long as he does quit smoking, I totally agree with our giving up on our contract. Quitting is much, much more important than any uneasy feeling I may have, obviously. Besides, there’s still the 10 minutes of naked kneeling he does every morning, for me. We’ll call it the replacement rule, and I’m quite happy with that.

On another note, Boy Toy and I decided we’d do another trip this summer, which makes us both happy and excited. And I had major work done to my teeth AND IT’S OVER. Yay!