Given the subject matter of my blog, I assume many or most of my readers know what a BDSM checklist is. But I didn’t, when I first started seeing Boy Toy.

For those of you who might not know, a BDSM checklist is a list of sexual activities related to sadism and masochism, power play, fetishes, kink… There are different lists out there (for instance, here, here and here), but the bottom line is that for each activity, one must indicate their level of experience and their willingness to explore it – or not.

These checklists are usually filled out by submissives and given to potential Doms. I believe the idea is to help along with pre-play negotiations. From what I’ve read online, it is suggested for the Dom to fill one out as well, and then compare lists to see if both players are compatible.

That’s not really how it happened with Boy Toy and I. He’s the one who mentioned the thing to me in the first place, since I didn’t know about it. I wanted to know what he liked, kinky sex wise, and he’s not one to just enumerate his kinks in a casual conversation. I’ve bothered him with this many times, and the best he can come up with is: “It’s no fun if I just tell you, better if you find out.” Humph. Read the rest of this entry »

Looking back, I realize I tend to apologize for my HNTs. “It’s a little more than half-nekkid, sorry…” “I’ve posted a similar picture before, but I’m sure you’ll forgive me…” or “I didn’t have much time today so I dug up this old picture”…

It’s kind of ironic, really. I post a sexy or erotic picture, on which I’m barely dressed, and I apologize for it.

Well, not this week.

Want to join in the HNT sexy fun? Check out the guidelines at Osbasso’s place! 

Boy Toy likes to be tricked, caught. It’s part of his kink; feeling like I got him, that he has no choice but to suck it in and take whatever I inflict upon him, totally turns him on.

I must admit, I’ve never found it hard to “catch” him. He likes to put up a show of a fight, complain like the brat he is, but if I insist just a little, I have him.

For instance, there was the time he offered to be my slave for two weeks. I jumped on the opportunity, and before the end of the two weeks, I ordered him to say “From now on, if my owner orders me to put on the CB6000, I will do it.” And then: “From now on, I will let my owner tie me up whenever she wants.” Having said these things out loud, he is now bound to honour his word. Read the rest of this entry »

I wasn’t going to do a HNT this week. I was at Boy Toy’s tonight and only just got home. I just want to crawl into bed, snuggle under the warm blankets. I’m halfway there, really, since I’m sitting in bed with my laptop… But it isn’t the same.

So anyway, I got home, and figured I’d just dig up something on my computer. I’ve posted a picture very similar to this one before, one that was taken at the same time, but I’m sure you’ll forgive me. It was that or nothing. And hey, it’s got those sexy boots!

Happy HNT!

Want to join in the HNT sexy fun? Check out the guidelines at Osbasso’s place! 

I’ve been having a bit of a dry spell, lately. Not really feeling inspired to write, and not much happening on the sex side either. We both work hard, we hate winter, we’re stressed, we’re tired… All these things conspire against us.

I would lie if I said it didn’t bother me. After all, I still have control of his orgasms, and it used to be that after just a few days of denial, he was totally aroused, could think of nothing but sex, and he would beg me for release. Not so anymore. What can I say, life interferes! But it’s ok, if it bothers me, it’s just my insecurity talking.

That being said, we did have something of a breakthrough, two weekends ago. You see, Boy Toy had always refused to masturbate in front of me. He felt way too self-conscious to do it. Didn’t matter if I ordered him to, he was too shy to do it.

And I just love a challenge. Read the rest of this entry »

Last week, I mentioned how Boy Toy and I had to make some adjustments to our cigarette agreement. Well, I am sad to report that the agreement has died…

We both agreed to let it go, don’t worry. But I’m still unsure of how I feel about it. I’m learning just how hard it is to give up control.

Boy Toy is the one who asked for this. He believes that the cigarette limit wasn’t helping him quit, because he kept thinking about how many cigarettes he had left for the day, he focused on it. Made him want the cigarettes more. He really wants to quit and he argued that it has to be on his own terms and he wants to be able to just smoke without worry, until he’s ready. I’m not sure I put it down right, but when he explained it to me, it made sense and so I said yes.

Still, I feel uneasy. It’s the only rules we were able to actually keep going, and it had been over a year. I tried to address this with Boy Toy but he refuses to talk about cigarettes. Puts pressure on him, he says, because he sees it as me asking when he’s quitting. It was stressing him. I backed off.

But I can say it here, in a post.

As long as he does quit smoking, I totally agree with our giving up on our contract. Quitting is much, much more important than any uneasy feeling I may have, obviously. Besides, there’s still the 10 minutes of naked kneeling he does every morning, for me. We’ll call it the replacement rule, and I’m quite happy with that.

On another note, Boy Toy and I decided we’d do another trip this summer, which makes us both happy and excited. And I had major work done to my teeth AND IT’S OVER. Yay!

Why is it that when we think BDSM, we think black leather shiny things? PVC? Black high heel boots? Has this vision of kink been created by the media, or did the media really just portray what was already going on?

I can’t say. But I sure as hell can wear the black PVC corset…

Happy HNT!

Want to join in the HNT sexy fun? Check out the guidelines at Osbasso’s place! 

I finally got around to editing Boy Toy’s dream. I edit them because he makes little grammar and spelling mistakes, and I’m anal about stuff like that. It’s not long, and it’s kind of cute that it incorporates us buying a house together. Everybody say “awwwww”!

I had dream. We were buying a house together, but you were setting down house rules by the looks of things. You wanted me naked at all times! Then I realized that included a collar and ball cuff, and I tried to win by telling you you had said only naked, but you got frustrated in my trying to sidestep rules. I shut up because there was the threat of always being in the chain harness. Oh but you were nice, you said I could dress with special permission… I think the special permissions included working on windows.

It was a funny purchase, we visited and it just became ours, very easy like that. I wish it was like that in real life. I don’t know why but I remember the agent wearing a green dress and jacket.

So then I remember a sort of ritual, I was stripping and it was meant to be the last time I’d be able to dress. I was kinda nervous in the process, especially with the fact that you seemed to look at is as the usual stripping of Boy Toy thing… like you seemed to find it common while I was nervous of loosing all clothing rights! :$

Then I realized that you were quite comfortable with your friends visiting while I was like this, and I just remember kneeling while you were locking on that little chrome collar and I was rushing before you got further, rushing to convince you to let me dress when your friends are there, and I was really panicking, trying to find the right way to ask, as you were checking the ball cuff and telling me to take this other very exposing position. I was trying to find the right words, in a panic but all the while doing what you asked, trying not to make any bad moves that would make you say no to getting dressed, once I got around to asking the right way!

Then I woke up, panic saved. Yay! 

I wanted to post, tonight. Boy Toy emailed me a dream last week, but it needs to be edited and I’m too damn tired to do it. But I wanted to.

This weekend, I managed to get myself really, really drunk. I’m not sure how I did it, all I know is I’m not too proud of myself. I went out with friends, Boy Toy was to join us later, but he ended up overlooking the time and finally, I left the club alone. Not smart. He doesn’t live far, but still, I don’t like walking alone at night. Drunk. In the snow and cold. I ran into him halfway home (luckily, I didn’t get lost along the way). I got sick, too. I was so bad he thought someone had spiked my drink. I don’t really see how that could have happened, as I drank with my friends only, but who knows. It’s true that the amount I drank doesn’t really explain how drunk and sick I got. Maybe I was just too tired for it.

After a few hours of puking, I got myself out of the bathroom only to find Boy Toy had fallen asleep on the couch, waiting for me to get better. It was about 7 AM. I woke him up and we went to bed.

I spent all of Sunday on a wicked hangover. Couldn’t eat anything until 3 or 4 PM, and only had a toast. Went back to bed after that, and managed to go back to my place around 8 or 9.

Felt pretty good today, so after work I spent the whole evening cleaning. It’s 11 PM now and I just finished. My apartment hasn’t been this clean in a long time This explains the tiredness more than Saturday’s mishap, actually.

And there you have it. I feel pretty ashamed that I got so out of hand. So I punish myself by telling you guys about it. Oh and by doing a shitload of cleaning!

Now, off to bed.

Let’s get personal. Ok, you’re probably thinking that I have a kinky sex blog and how much more personal can it get? But talking about my relationship with Boy Toy, our feelings, our fears, is more personal, in my opinion, than talking about our sex life.

So here it goes: there is a fine line Boy Toy and I walk, in this relationship. It’s something that scares us both, each from our end of the line.

Boy Toy is the experienced of the two. Sure, he’s older than me. But it’s not just age. He’s been into kink/BDSM for years and years. He’s done all the naughty stuff (or, more acurately, had it done to him), he’s been to all the kinky events, he’s been part of the local scene. And this is where I come in. Innocent, practically a virgin (compared to him!), me. Read the rest of this entry »