Almost two weeks without orgasm, and Boy Toy’s getting pretty desperate. This is the longest we’ve gone. I know, I know… It isn’t very long at all! I fact, I haven’t had an orgasm either in all that time. Nothing’s stopping me from getting one, yet I don’t feel the need. Boy Toy, though… Boy Toy told me he plays with himself every chance he gets. He’s in subspace most of the time. And the dreams! They come almost every night, getting kinkier and kinkier. This is his latest one:

This one is a little hardcore fetish, mixed with D/s relationship stuff, maybe because of the denial. And lots of pushing limits! I think it’s my current state!!!

You’re going through rules I’ll have to follow and before I know it I’m stripped right down and I have this feeling that you have everything planned and controlled, that you’re taking everything into your hands.

I’m listening to you talk about our relationship, that D/s has been in the works or planned for some time. And you’re sort of re-defining things and going into it more seriously. It’s tied to me not being allowed to cum. And it goes towards submitting to you fully as total property because you’re tired of me trying to resist that or something, it’s hindering your progression into this and you would like to go deeper.

At some point I remember being on the couch in a submissive position and you’re sitting back and talking, sometimes standing, and I feel too horny and submissive to try to resist. Maybe denial has made me hit a new level.

I’m trying to hide how wet I am as you walk behind me and lock my arms behind my neck.

And then it goes on to denial stuff, and you’re saying something to the fact that from now on you want to go that way permanently, or it’s the new direction and I wont have a choice but to accept it. I remember fearing never cuming or wondering when you would allow it.

Then I think I’m missing parts… Next, I’m laying down on the couch, my arms seem to be tied to a collar on my neck, they can’t be moved from being clasped behind my neck, and my legs are folded spread wide in some kind of submission position you ordered me into. The position seems to make me feel really vulnerable and totally exposed. You are walking around me, looking down at me. But then you begin to masturbate me, and I remember going all wild and feeling so helpless in this position with my arms bound. I remember begging you and you saying “shhhh, you can’t beg, you’re my property and can only get it if I decide you’re good enough to have it”.

You straddle me, indicating that you want me to make you cum with my tongue, lips, mouth. Then feels like this is going on and I think I can’t cum at this point, I’m not allowed or something, so I have to tell you and you stop.

Then you unlock one of my hands, saying something in regards to training, that I have to masturbate in front of you, and it goes back to you on my mouth, and I feel shy about masturbating but I’m feeling really fucked. I can’t stop and I know you will win in training me to do it. You keep telling me I can’t cum so I’m stopping just before and I fear cuming for some reason, I think because I fear punishment or disappointing you. And I think I slip into thoughts here. I’m seeing scenes of me naked an no longer allowed to dress unless you give me permission, I’m seeing myself kneel before you in position when you give the order, a bunch of things like this, and in my mind I’m asking myself, “Can I still resist submission? She knows too much. Do I fully see her as my owner? She knows my psychology too well, and I might have to give all the way in.”

Then both my hands are clipped back behind me again and I’m feeling like my orgasm is totally at your mercy. You’re saying something about my situation, I think you mean my position and mental state, that cuming now will take me deeper in realizing and accepting I’m your total property. I would be submitting fully to this sort of dark side, and I remember being a little scared, and saying “Maybe I’m not ready” but not having a choice. There is something about every orgasm given this way only, till you feel I’ve reached full acceptance. And you’re asking me to keep saying something or you’re saying something, and I feel I’m letting go as I’m apparently reaching orgasm and you are whispering to me that I’m allowed to cum. And I know if I do cum, I’ll be conditioned in some way.

Then I woke up, turned, and still half asleep, touched myself, but fell asleep again and the dream continued or it was another one that was sort of related.

I’m standing, apparently I had an orgasm and my hands are still clipped behind my back. You’re telling me it’s a critical moment because I’ve had an orgasm and I’m different mentally now. I’m trying to get you to unlock my hands but you’re in the bathroom searching for something and I come in to try to coerce you.

Then you’re laying out this sort of chastity thing, I’ve never seen it and I’m a little scared of what it can do. I remember thinking it might be un-cheatable and un-excusable.

There is this struggle, you win, it’s on me.

Then you’re talking about pushing limits and getting what you desire, it’s something about me or males masturbating for show for women, and you mention that you and your girlfriend C are into this, and you want to get some status as having trained me to entertain like this. I’d have to perform. I’m totally nervous and freaking but I feel helpless. I’m like saying no way, and you’re going on about pushing limits.

All I remember.

But I got up, it was a little after midnight, and I was thinking and writing. I was in a bad state. The denial stuff is hard because I was constantly bringing myself close to orgasm but stopping just before. I managed to get back to bed but before I did, I tried the position from my dream, I don’t know why, I just wanted to see I guess. I think I fell asleep right there, or soon after, it was a little blurry, I was really horny and kinda mentally horny in a submissive way. I woke up late, like 10ish, and I smoked my cigarette in the submission position, thinking of the dream. I wanted to play with myself, but A called and wanted to stop by, it was early.