Sometimes being Boy Toy’s Owner feels like a lot of work. To the uninitiated, this might seem contradictory: he does what she says but it’s work for HER? Yeah, I’ve wondered about it too.

Is it because my insecurity makes me struggle to find an idea of some kinky activity that’s good and original enough? It could be. I do put pressure on myself. Owner Fridays, for instance. The initial idea was that I get to decide what we do because, well, I pretty much never got to. When Boy Toy came up with this solution, I took it and I ran with it. But somehow it’s becoming a little stressful, because I feel I must come up with some witty, kinky plan for the night.

So I rack my brain. What sweet torture could I put him through? What new experience to live? Then I find an idea. Last Friday, I thought I’d spend the evening objectifying Boy Toy. But, and this happens often, the idea just kind of… stalled. The idea that seemed so hot at first loses its luster, or I can’t get further than just the general notion, I can’t come up with the particular steps I’ll take to realize this idea. Read the rest of this entry »