Where did the orgasm denial go?
October 21st, 2008 by Elle
I mentioned in passing, in a post last week, that I decided to give the orgasm denial thing a break, but I haven't said much about it, aside from this:
"[...] it was very intense and I felt Boy Toy had a hard time concentrating on anything else, which I think he needs. I also wanted to see how things would be without the denial, if he just goes back to his old self or if a bit of the submission remains. And I’d like to figure out what I really want, before going too far along that road."
There are a few things I'd like to add to that. I'll start with saying that nothing went wrong. I didn't stop this little experiment of mine because I didn't like it or we had a fight or any such thing. I was just a little unsure. Like I said last week, it was very intense. I had never seen Boy Toy act quite that way before. Sure, all the attention was fun, but it's not what I'm used to. I have a busy Boy Toy, he likes to do things, you know. And this isn't exactly easy for someone who has a bit of an insecurity issue like I do, but we get by. So in this, the denial was great help. But Boy Toy was having a hard time concentrating on anything else. He has many projects, he's always working on something and it makes him happy. And while I was controlling his orgasms, I'm not sure he got very much accomplished. He was so focused on me. Frankly, I felt guilty about this. If I know my Boy Toy at all, he NEEDS to work on stuff, get things done. I imagine after a while, the intensity would have toned down a bit and he would have been able to go back to his projects. Still, I didn't know how far he could go down this road and what would be the effect of putting a stop to the denial. Actually, I was a little afraid he would see this as some sort of rejection, as he had been talking a lot about my owning him completely. I felt this was a bit much for me, at this time. So I talked to him, I made sure he understood this, that it's definitely not rejection. We did have one issue with sex. Boy Toy was so intent on obeying my "no orgasms" order that he couldn't really perform... My lack of clarity was at fault, here, for I hadn't told him "hey, if I decide to fuck you, it means you can cum". Since he didn't know, he was left wondering and you know what can happen when a guy's mind isn't focused on the act at hand. When I realized this and told him he was allowed to cum during sex, the "problem" was resolved and we had an amazing time of it. I've also said that I wanted to see how things would be afterward... Well, he's gone back to his bratty self. Hell, I had to spank him last Friday! In front of our friends, no less. At least this "fear" has been put to rest, I know he can snap out of subville. Actually, Boy Toy's been especially busy last week and this week, so I'm not hearing much from him. He's still sweet - despite his being a brat - and he does send me a word here and there. But it's a far cry from the weeks before... and I admit this was a little hard. At the same time, though, I got so much good feelings from the weeks I kept him under my control, and I was so tired and kind of out of it, last week, that it was fine. I was fine. So, will I go back to orgasm denial for Boy Toy? Definitely. Given what I've learned from my little experiment, I know I want to do it again. I know, also, that it's not realistic to keep at it on a permanent basis. He'll need some breaks, so he can get back to normal and get some shit done. Besides, it'd get boring, after a while. Much better to keep him on his toes, not knowing when the game will start again or when he'll regain his freedom.Category: Kinky stuff, Ramblings, Training |
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