This post gets a little personal. Sure, I’ve written all about sex and stuff, which technically is personal, right? But this one touches dynamics between Boy Toy and I that go beyond sex and kink. It will mention a small issue between us, and this is something I’m not entirely comfortable with. I think a blog is not the place to resolve issues, for one. And the last thing I want to do, is criticize Boy Toy here, or seem like I criticize him; this is not the place for it. So it’s a delicate line to walk, but I think I’ll be ok, because the issue has been addressed, I will not be writing anything he doesn’t know, and because I have no criticism to make. Here I go…

Despite my apparent domination of Boy Toy, I am actually far from being completely in control. Part of this is due to his independent nature, and part is due to my hesitation to take control. We have a sometimes strange, always evolving, relationship.

So, Boy Toy is independent. I’ve said this before. He can also be resistant to change, and since he always had friends come over to go out and party, on Fridays and Saturdays, well, then, that’s how things have got to be. I’ve been following along, but it gets tiring. Fridays, especially, I find hard, after working all week. Once in a while, I’d like to just relax and hang out with Boy Toy, but he feels full of energy and wants to go out… and doesn’t see why he shouldn’t.

And most of the time, I’m fine with that, I like my Boy Toy happy. But what started to bother me is that if I wanted to see Boy Toy on Fridays, I had to go out. Or go to his place, hang out with the bunch of friends who invariably show up, and when they and Boy Toy go out, I go to bed. Yeah, kinda lame. It felt like I had no other choice, like the plans were always already laid out in advance, no matter what I wanted to do, and I resented that feeling. Read the rest of this entry »