I've been thinking, lately, that the old nature versus nurture debate can be applied to kink. If you read me regularly, you know that in the past few weeks, I've imposed some rules on my boy toy regarding his orgasms and surprisingly (or maybe not so surprisingly, if one knows Boy Toy well), this has brought out a very submissive side in him. He tells me that he is in an almost constant state of arousal, with his thoughts always turned towards me. He's been dreaming almost every night of 24/7 scenarios where he surrenders completely to me. He talks of rules and training that I could impose on him, has mentioned that in his current state, he would accept to be owned and ruled by me forever. We've talked about moving in together and he brings up house rules... I think you get my drift. Sometimes I wish I had psychology training, just to understand or study these reactions. I can't help but wonder, where do they come from? Is Boy Toy submissive because it's in his nature, he was born with some sort of "submissive" gene? Or is it because of how he was brought up? We haven't talked at length of his childhood, but I remember when we were first getting to know each other and he was trying to explain his kinks, he told me of some childish games he would play with his sisters and cousins when they were kids. They were not sexual, but they involved getting caught by the others and being made to do something humiliating, like stripping or being kept in a trunk. He was the only boy, with several sisters, and, predictably, they could be a little bossy. Likening these games and situations to BDSM didn't take a vast amount of imagination... So nurture seems to win some points, here. Nature, on the other hand, is a little harder to analyze without having some insight in Boy Toy's parents' or grandparents' sex lives. Besides, do we really want to go there? When I brought this up to a friend of ours, though, without hesitation he said that for him, it's genetic. "I've had kinky thoughts and feelings for as long as I remember" he says. This whole subject came up a few times in conversations between Boy Toy and I, over the last week or so. Last weekend, we were having breakfast and started joking about a whole secret Dom society that breeds and raises submissives. Doms would just have to sort of, apply for a sub, and once they were introduced to one, decide on whether they would keep it or not. When they decide to keep a sub, said sub would be taken off the "available" list. Hey, it could make a good movie! Later on that same day, I was home and watching TV and stumbled upon a show that sort of broached the same subject. Well, in a manner of speaking. It was called Born a boy raised a girl and it was about a little boy who's penis got accidentally mangled during a "circumcision accident". I know, it sounds weird... and it was. The boy's parents, not knowing what to do to ensure him a somewhat normal life (imagine, if you're a boy, living without a penis!) decided to raise him as a girl, and when the time came, give him a sex change operation. There was a theory, at that time, that nurture was pretty much everything. Raise him a girl, and he'd BE a girl. It was a fascinating yet disturbing program. When it was over, I was left with an uncomfortable feeling. It doesn't help that the poor "guy" ends up killing himself... How depressing! But anyway, the point here is that even though he was raised like a girl and was told he was a girl, deep down, he remained a boy. Acted as one, thought as one. And when he started having trouble, during his teens, and his parents finally told him the truth, he chose without hesitation to be a boy. Here's nature for you. Ok, this is about sexual identity, not kink, but still, it shows how strongly we are what our genes make us. I don't think I will ever really know why Boy Toy is wired the way he is and why he finds it so hot to imagine himself submitting to me fully, for the rest of his life. I think I might need to start reading up on sexuality, how and when it develops... But in the meantime, it sure is interesting to observe Boy Toy, and of course, pretty damn enjoyable to have him so aroused and compliant all the time.