I’ve had a bit of an interesting conversation with Saratoga, following one of his posts. In a reply to my comment, he referred to me as Boy Toy’s Mistress. Isn’t it funny, that my first reaction was to guffaw and deny it? “I don't consider myself his mistress, I told him, I consider myself his owner.” Because, in my mind, “Mistress” and “Owner” are different; it’s a matter of degree. I like to think of myself as Boy Toy’s Owner. Mistress seems too severe, too harsh, for poor little beginner kinky girl me. But Saratoga begged to differ, and told me he finds the term “Owner” to be far edgier. He went so far as to write a whole post about his perception of the two terms, using the Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary to support his opinion. He went on to explain:

“Perhaps that's really the core of my own perception of the difference. Mistresses may have male submissives. Female Owner's have male slaves.

And, perhaps, the implication is that a Mistress might have a more emotional connection with Her male submissive than a Female Owner would for Her mere male slave. Then again, perhaps the enslaved male is so because of his Female Owner's deep desire for him. So great as to make him Her owned property, totally Hers, rather than merely Her submissive.”

I couldn’t help but smile to myself when I read this, as I consider the term “Owner” the “softer” term because for me, it involves an emotional connection, whereas “Mistress” just seems… dry. Less involved. Maybe I sort of thought "Owner" went with "relationship", and not "Mistress". But that’s just my take on it. I think Saratoga’s and my perceptions differ because he looks at it in such a logical, analytical, way, not at all unlike Boy Toy's way of thinking, while I, ever the woman, approach it from an emotional standpoint. In other words, I went with my gut feeling. But it gets more complicated. I don’t consider Boy Toy to be my slave or my submissive. Maybe this is due to a remnant of Vanilla Girl in me. I don’t know. I find these two terms to be somewhat permanent or full-time, and my Boy Toy and I only delve into power play on occasion. I don’t dominate him all the time. Outside of play, we’re a pretty regular couple, really. And the power play is always sexual, too. Well, mostly... There IS the cigarette contract, and a few other rules here and there. Still, I like to think of him as mine, and of myself as his Owner. The notion simply appeals to me. I find it hot. Although, I secretly believe that this is just a normal occurence, in a relationship. And as if it's not complicated enough, it’s all entangled in this strange and strong emotion, “love”. One day, last winter, Boy Toy and I were online chatting and the conversation drifted towards ownership. Not that we were talking about the term itself or using it, but I was saying that I liked the idea of him being mine, or something along those lines. I don’t recall how I put it exactly, but he took it as me sort of saying I wanted to own him. So he said “Well, if there ever was a time to say it, this is it.” Confused, I replied “What?” I really had no clue what he was talking about. “Well, here goes... I love you”, he said, for the first time.