In my last post, I left off with Saturday morning's sex episode. But this wasn't Boy Toy's last orgasm of the weekend, even though that was initially my intention. We spent most of the day out and when we got back to Boy Toy's, we ran to the grocery store to get something yummy for supper. Back home with the food, I remembered that Boy Toy owed me some chain-harness time, so I told him to put it on. He responded with his usual "Now?" but when I insisted that yes, I wanted him to put it on "now", he complied without further complaint. I helped him in the harness, because I enjoy doing so but also because putting it on is complicated business. There are things to attach in the back, for one. But what I most wanted to help with was putting the collar on, and locking it. It is a measure of Boy Toy's trust in me that he let me put the padlock on, and close it, without even asking me if I knew where the key for the thing is. Oh well, as we both remarked after, we could always cut him out of the harness if anything happened to the key... But that would make me very sad, I love our home-made chain-harness! I love it when Boy Toy wears the harness. I'm starting to think I have a metal fetish, like him (Steelwerk's Chastity Cage is oh, so hot, me want one). I find the thing looks hot on him. Or he looks hot in it: he definitely has a body that I thoroughly enjoy looking at. I often find myself doing just that, looking at him and enjoying it. Which is fun because when he notices, he blushes.

But back to Saturday night... While he got busy preparing our supper, I took out his camera and started shooting pictures of him. I used to do that quite a bit, and it had been a while. Thelighting was great for this type of picture, and with the harness it looks simply gorgeous. After supper Boy Toy needed a cigarette, so we moved on to the couch where he kneeled while I watched, as usual. When he was done, I told him to give me a massage. He did a very decent and thorough job of it. He didn't forget my clitoris. He played with it until I came. This is where my plans got ruined. I just had to have him inside of me. What can I say? I'm weak. I'm fickle. But I'm in charge, so if I want to fuck him, I fuck him. So, plans changed. I figured, might as well give him another orgasm, because I don't want him to have any this week and haven't decided yet about next weekend. So, we had sex, with him still wearing the chain-harness. The ring around his cock and balls acts as a cock ring and makes him nice and big and hard and the chain grinds against my clitoris while I ride him. Hmm.   As soon as we were done, a friend of ours called and said he was coming over so unfortunately, I had to let Boy Toy out of the harness. But it's ok, it means I only used up 2 of the 4 hours in harness he owed me. And on top of that, later on Boy Toy wanted to smoke without kneeling/stripping, so I delt for another 2 hours in harness. More harness-training later, then. As a side note, I just asked him how he's doing with the orgasm denial and he said "not bad today, I had a good weekend".  We'll see what he says later this week... 

So, where did I leave you guys off? Oh, yeah. I'm still playing at orgasm denial with Boy Toy. Well, not exactly denial, I've let him cum a few times. I'm way too generous, really. So, orgasm control, then. Last week, I gave him a special permission. He could have one orgasm, but during a specific time frame. It was to be Wednesday night, or rather Thursday morning, starting at midnight, and he would have half an hour only. I thought this would make an interesting dilemma, since Boy Toy usually goes out with the boys Wednesday nights. I was curious to see how he'd manage it, if he would skip going out or if he would take a little "bathroom" break while the boys were at his place. He decided not to go out. I guess he wanted to cum THAT much! The next morning, however, he reported that he went a little over his time limit. It was 12:20 by the time the boys left, he got to bed and started playing with himself, and it seems his fear of disobeying, of going over the limit, made it hard for him to get into it. He says he then started fantasizing and must have orgasmed around 12:50, he's not sure as he had no clock handy. I'm still trying to decide if I want to punish him for that or not. I had thought that letting him cum once during the week might "ruin" the effects of his imposed denial. I was curious to find out, which is pretty much why I did give him that permission. I was also wondering if the fact that I gave him such a specific instruction might not ADD to his submissiveness. Interestingly enough, in the next couple of days, he remained in quite a state, sending me messages about the kinky dreams he'd been having and about how he really needed to masturbate. He spent much time chatting with me. He reported that his penis was dripping pre-cum most of that time, or, as he put it, he was wetting. Good! Then Friday night came along and I went to Boy Toy's for the weekend. We had some shopping to do, then some friends came over and we went out. We got back home early. After grabbing a bite, I stripped to get ready for bed and Boy Toy announced that he needed a cigarette. So I sat on the couch, watching him, enjoying the view, while he kneeled in front of me, naked and legs spread. He soon started positively dripping, despite his orgasm only two days before. Of course, it doesn't help that I watched him with an obvious look of satisfaction and a small, coy smile on my lips. What can I say? It just pleases me to see him in this position. While he was smoking his cigarette, I got on my knees in front of him, naked too, but towering over him since his legs were spread. I reached down and grabbed his balls in a definite gesture of ownership, and whispered in his ear "You like being denied for me, don't you?" Gasping at my touch, he agreed that yes, he likes being denied for me. After his cigarette, he laid back on the couch and I straddled him. Soon, his fingers had found my pussy and he had me aroused and slippery wet. I decided I wanted his tongue so I moved forward to straddle his face. I don't think I'd call it face-sitting, exactly, as I didn't put much weight into it... Nonetheless, a precious few minutes later, I was cuming on his face, grinding against his lips, his tongue, enjoying the feeling of being on top of him and the fact that at that moment, only my pleasure mattered. We then went to bed and fucked, but fatigue and alcohol had the better of us and we soon abandoned sex to favor sleep. Next day found me much more generous with Boy Toy's orgasms. It started with sex in the morning, and this time, being rested and relaxed, his orgasm exploded into me quite quickly. I like the idea that his orgasms are given only by me, and so I make sure he cums inside of me. We'll eventually see if this, combined with the orgasm denial the rest of the time, has an effect on him. I initially thought that this would be the only time I let him cum this weekend, but later that day found my plans changed... To be continued...

Boy Toy is telling me that his dreams tend more and more towards the "24/7" theme, which has got him worried... But I think it's just that the fantasy is fucking hot to him. The actual thing is unrealistic. Right? It's something about a contract that you want me to sign and some of the items in it scare me a little. There is public sort of stuff and I really want to alter it or to avoid signing it, but I feel trapped, I have no choice but to sign. I'm too weak not to sign it, yet I'm hesitant. Then there's a fight, an argument between us and next thing I remember, I'm signing it. You're talking about pushing limits or where you want this to go, something along the lines that you're making this happen for you yet you have to push me or force me. I'm too scared, or chicken. But there's a 24/7 element here as you're saying this isn't a game anymore, you want to fully incorporate it into our relationship. I just remember I felt too weak to resist, but scared like hell and it was too late, it was signed. Then you're saying the previous contracts failed, I had opted out or not taken them seriously and there's no way this is going to happen to this one, it's sort of related to our relationship or making sure you don't have insecurity or something like that. After that there is this period, I'm not sure how long, I just remember that suddenly the dream takes place later, when the contract goes into effect. And I'm standing in front of you, I feel shaken, I'm scared or anxious and not too sure how the contract goes. You're sort of waiting for me, and I say "Can we go back, because I'm a little confused as to what the contract says?" You're walking around me while I'm stripping naked as apparently the contract says I'm not allowed clothing at all anymore, except if I give you a valid reason. I'm thinking, "fuck this is going to be hard, and what if I drip and how will I hide a bit and I'll always be exposed and how this all makes me more submissive..." and then I'm reading the contract, trying to find a way out. Maybe I can still get dressed in certain conditions. And you're sort of present or I see you in a flash and you're saying "this is what's wrong, you can't move forward, it's my way and you have to let go." I'm in conflict trying to let go, go with it, but I'm really scared and trying to find reasons to back out. Then there's a bunch of other things, like permanent things such as collar and cuffs, getting locked into items to signify our contract or my total submission to you. I hesitate locking on various devices but you're there to finish the job before I can say "wait!" They feel permanent and I fear I might have to be in public with them. But trying to let go completely to see your way. The last part is major evil! I'm on all four straddling a rack, and I'm humping something, I'm really fucking horny, like I'll do anything. And as I'm going at it, you are locking down my wrists and knees to this rack. But I don't care, I just want to cum. I'm humping it like a horny puppy, but as soon as I'm close to orgasm you stop it somehow, I can't feel anymore what I was humping into or against and you're saying "stop, not yet", and then you let me start again. Then you want me to stop humping as soon as you say "stop" but I never can, feels like I'm just about to cum and I lose control and you get the upper hand of removing what turns out to be one of those funny flashlight male sex masturbator things. (I'm laughing at this now because I find them funny or even silly looking, but wasn't in the dream, wanted you to place it back soooo bad. LOL). Finally, after a while, I think you're disappointed I couldn't stop when you would say and that I needed more training, it's fuzzy. But apparently you aren't going to let me cum, and then a part of the contract comes into play. You're explaining that I agreed to let you administer any kind of punishment and I'm in total conflict with this, while you're saying "this is right, best that way, better for training me". And your holding this large paddle, dark wood with holes in it, and you're saying we are going to practice this more till I get it right. I'm struggling to get out of this rack and on the first hard whack of the paddle I wake up thinking my butt is wicked sore!

 

I've been pretty damn busy lately. Work is crazy. I can feel the pressure all through my back and shoulder muscles. And it seems like my personal life is catching the disease, too. Lots of running around, of late. But I can take it. See? I'm dressed for the fight! Bring it on!

Want to join in the HNT sexy fun? Check out Osbasso's place!

Sometimes it's easy to tell where Boy Toy got the "inspiration" for his dreams, but sometimes... Well, words just won't explain this one. Still, I couldn't help but laugh and find him extremely cute, when he told me this dream. He related it over IM, and I've edited it for your reading pleasure. Enjoy! You would have totally freaked on the chastity thing you had for me in my last dream. Even I was impressed. It revolved around being 100% fully secure and how that affects me. It was fucked up, and what was really funny was that people were here and there was some sort of olive fest going on! There were all kinds of olives everywhere, even red ones. And people were just freaking out on them, and I was like "Ok, they are good but holy shit, are these people on xtacy or what???” Then the cage was on the table and I was looking at it. You came by and said “It's cool eh?” And I was just happy, going "yeah, fucking amazing" but then you’re saying something along the lines that you "found the ultimate solution, it can be on at all times, and I could go jogging and etc..." Then I say "someone might steel it, we should not leave it there lying on the table”. That’s when I found out that apparently, that was someone else’s, I was already wearing yours. After that, I remember these huge bastard olives, someone was trying to eat the whole thing and other people were worried that they could die because it's a lot of olive. LOL Someone accidentally ripped the glass rack off while freaking out on olives so we all decided that we should slow down, like maybe only taste one olive every hour so no one would get hurt. Hurt freaking out on olives, like as if getting drunk. Then onto chastity again… I’m in the bathroom checking on the device you got on me and I realize there is no way out, it’s 100% impossible to remove. This is when I go "uh-ooohhh". I’m worried about how submissive I’m going to be and all of a sudden this feeling comes over me, as if the thing is already starting to affect me! The last part I remember is people leaving and we were both here looking at all the olives. But one rare dish was missing and we were trying to find it, wondering if someone had stolen it. That’s all I remember but seriously though, the chastity device was a fucking nice thing! Hope no one ever designs one like that, I might have a tendency to jump right into it! This was all molded and the whole thing was cut in patterns, design patterns that made holes to let the skin breathe but that wouldn’t let you have fun. It was kinda shaped like a penis, like the CB6000 almost, but all made of thin metal and patterns cut into holes all over. I wonder where that pattern came from, I can't remember the details but it was floral-like but not actually flowers.

Axe from Unspeakable Axe, in response to my last post, asked me this:

As someone who’s been curious about orgasm denial, I’m interested in what denial feels like for you. Meaning what it does for you, why it’s a kind motivation for you. Is it just about knowing he’s denying himself pleasure because it’s what you want?

It's a good question, and it takes a certain amount of introspection (which I suck at). I saw his comment a few hours ago and it's been on my mind ever since. I decided to post about it because my answer would probably end up being somewhat long and more post material than comment material. Forgive me if I ramble, I'm better at sorting my thoughts out while writing or talking... So, I've had a few hours to think about it and haven't come up with much. I do enjoy it, don't get me wrong. There is a "fun and games" feel to it, in our case. Well, for me anyway. Maybe Boy Toy would beg to differ. LOL Yeah, I bet he would.  Truth is, we haven't delved into it that much. I've had him wear the CB6000 for 5 or 6 days once, when I was away for work. He had never been denied for so long. Before that, I would use it in our games but on a more daily basis. I'd have him put it on, and at the end of the day/evening/night, I would let him out and fuck his brains out. In those cases, I don't think it'd be fair to call it "orgasm denial". As for that time when I was away, it was fun but I didn't get the full experience since I wasn't around, and I was so busy with work. This time, I'm sort of seeing it as an "experiment". I want to play with it, see what it feels like, discover what I get out of it and understand the effects on Boy Toy. You could say that I'm trying to answer Axe's questions. I have found so far that I love playing with it. It's been great fun sending Boy Toy some sexy, teasing pictures, or talking dirty every chance I got, telling him how I wish he were here with me, feeling my smooth silky skin against his... I'm a little surprised at myself; I didn't think I had this "mean" streak in me. Because when you think about it, it does seem kind of mean. But I am able to go along with it because I know deep down, Boy Toy loves this and wants this. Otherwise, I wouldn't be doing it, no matter how much fun it is for me. At the same time though, I know part of Boy Toy's wanting this is because I want this. It's knowing that I enjoy it, that I like having this power over him and that I take advantage of it, that turns him on so much. It's like a fun viscious circle. :D Not only have I found myself enjoying this, I've realized it turns me on, too. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at analyzing this sort of thing so I can't really say why it turns me on. Perhaps it's knowing that I have this power over him? Last night, we went out dancing and when we came back, we started making out. He was very into it, which is rarely the case after a night out, we're normally both too spent. After a few torrid minutes I told him to go down on me and... Wow. I think I'm getting wet just thinking about it now, that's how great it was. I came pretty quickly and while I usually have to make him stop for a minute or so after I orgasm, this time I went right on to a second orgasm. And boy, were they good. We started having sex then, but after a while he slipped out accidentally and I decided this was my cue to stop, so we went to sleep. I think he was a little frustrated. But he behaved. He was very sweet and I fell asleep in his arms. So, my motivation? I think I would say that I just love to play this game, it's fun, it's sexy, it's daring, it's something we share, like a naughty little secret. And yes, it is good knowing that he would do this for me. Plus, it's so very interesting. I mean, this time, he's not locked into anything. He COULD masturbate. But he doesn't, because I told him not to, and he would feel terribly guilty if he broke down and jerked off. The psychology of it fascinates me. He's admitted to feeling much more submissive. Last night at the club, I jokingly told him to kneel before me, and he almost did. This wasn't a fetish club. This morning, while smoking his cigarette, naked and kneeling in front of me, his penis was dribbling pre-cum continuously. Yes, definitely feeling more submissive. After his cigarette, we cuddled, both naked, and talked. He curled up in a ball and laid his head on my lap. When I told him I thought he could continue without orgasm for another week, he was visibly distressed but he answered that if that's what I wanted, he would try. We discussed his feeling more submissive and how he sort of fights it. Well, usually he does and right now he's totally losing. Boy Toy is very independent at the core, and he told me he is afraid of losing this part of himself. Because of this, I don't think I would make chastity play a permanent thing. After all, I love my Boy Toy and I want him happy. For now, though, it's a great experience and I will enjoy the focus and attention it brings, for a while still. Oh and before I forget: yes, he did have an orgasm this weekend. We talked for a bit more this morning, then I asked him to give me a massage, knowing what torture it would be for him, rubbing oil on my naked body. As it often happens, massage led to sex. Boy Toy used his fingers to make me cum. Then I teased him mercilessly for quite a while, stroking him, ordering him to stroke himself, make himself hard for me, and when I finally guided him inside me, he exploded almost immediately. I loved it!

After 4 days of not being allowed to cum without my permission, Boy Toy finally asked me if he could. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that he dreamed, last night? It took a while, but he's getting where I want him to be. I'm quite impressed that it took as much as 4 days, considering that I've been teasing him mercilessly. Of course, I told him he can't just yet. I'm thinking I might let him cum once, this weekend, but I'm not sure. Anybody has an opinion on this?

I slept at his place, last night, so maybe that worked in my favor to finally get him horny. I got a little angry with him because when I asked him how many cigarettes he had smoked that day, he got all bratty with me. I cornered him and reminded him that we have a contract, according to which I have control of his smoking, and I accused him of topping from the bottom, and it was left at that.

He felt bad about it, though. He didn't show it at the time, but today he told me that my accusation made it into one of his dreams.

And those dreams! He hasn't told me all about them yet, but you can be sure that once he does, I'll post them here. They are always fascinating. Boy Toy and I sometimes have this uncanny connection: he'll dream about something and the next day, while chatting, I'll say something that is almost exactly like in his dream. This, understandably, really strikes a submissive chord with him. It happened while we were chatting today. We were talking about how his attitude with me is different when he doesn't cum and I told him that he gets angry or frustrated with me too easily. He jokingly suggested that I have a kill switch installed on the back of his neck and I offered instead "a little button that shocks your penis". He became all flustered and confused, because apparently it was part of his dream last night... Lovely!

Of course, this isn't the first time we've argued about how his attitude is different, when he doesn't cum. He denies this. When we talked about it, this morning, I told him that a little denial would do wonders with his attitude towards me, that he would know who's in charge. I just love telling him things like that, it makes him blush. So he blushed and argued with me, but then proved my point. First of all, he chatted with me for two hours today. That's two hours he wasn't working on his stuff! Also, he told me quite a few nice things, that he likes to do stuff with me, that it was fun that I was there last night, etc. He's usually not very expressive, verbally. Then when he wanted to go make himself a coffee, he asked me if I could wait and if he could go make coffee, with deference and everything, and waited until I said it was ok before leaving the computer.

I love this Boy Toy. And the difference is so obvious... Last night, he went out with some friends while I slept in his bed, and when he came back, he used his fingers on me, wanting to give me and orgasm because he had woken me up and he wanted to "relax" me.

Isn't he sweet?

I'm such a nice girl. As you know, I've decided to take control of my Boy Toy's orgasms for a while, and I forbid him to cum unless I give him permission. Well, since I'm a good Owner, and I feel a little bad being so harsh on him, I sent him a little "good morning" note, this morning. It simply said:

Hey Boy Toy,   I'm wearing a skirt to work, today.   Love ya, your Owner xxx

Before pressing the "send" button, I took out the webcam and shot pictures up my skirt and I attached those to the email. Of course, I wasn't wearing any undies. For some reason, he called me a tease. Humph! But enough about my early morning silliness, and on to HNT business. This week, I decided to go back to those pictures taken during the photoshoot with a happy ending. And, as you can see, my selection was inspired by my early morning silliness. Happy HNT!

Want to join in the HNT sexy fun? Check out Osbasso's place!

Ok, yesterday I got sidetracked a little with some geeky web stuff, so now I owe you something sexy. Perhaps you’ve been wondering how Boy Toy reacted to the email I sent him Sunday, regarding my control of his orgasms? Surprisingly, he went with it without a fight. Almost like it was something inevitable, and let’s just get on with it. He did ask for a favour in exchange, which I’ve granted. You see, we have a couple of rules for whenever I am staying over. Not many, really. You already know about our smoking arrangements. But there are two other things he must do when I sleep over: in the morning, he must stay naked until I get up, and when I do get up, he must make my coffee. He has a bit of a problem with the first of these two, because it prevents him from getting anything done until I get up and, well, Boy Toy is one of these people that must get things done. So when I told him he cannot have an orgasm unless I tell him he can, and that we’d “start” with one week, his response was “Ouch! One week eh? OK, but in exchange for... Sunday mornings, can I get dressed to do things around the house?” He isn’t asking for much, considering the power he’s given me over his sex. In fact, had he asked me before, I would have probably granted this favour without demanding anything in exchange. But as you know, I’m an opportunist, so I went with the “exchange” thing.  So far, it doesn't seem to be too hard on him. I'm working on it, though. I really want to play with this, experiment, feel the control. For this, I think he needs to be franctic with his need for release. I've been trying to help this along, sending him cute little notes:

Hey Boy Toy,   I was sitting in the bus, on my way back from work, and I was getting wet just thinking about how I love to do things to you, and how I love controlling your orgasms.   Miss ya :D 

This one seems to have worked, given his response:

When you say "controlling your orgasms" it stirs up kinky, submission and fear all in one word. :O

 So, there you have it. Looks like I'm on the right track... And in this, time is my best ally. I don't think I'll let Boy Toy cum, this weekend.  

The people at the FetMag.com, where I sometimes contribute articles, have been working hard on their new baby, FetSpank.com. Basically, FetSpank gathers kinky news and articles from all over the web, but it's the members that submit the contents. The Fet Spank team says that "FetSpank is a place where Kinksters become Spanksters. This is where you come to discover, share and vote on the most popular fetish-focused Web content." This is a neat idea, I don't think I've seen it elsewhere in the BDSM/Fetish online community. I mean, I've seen several sites that gather contents from all over, but this one adds the voting (spanking) feature, and being the democratic girl that I am, I like this idea! Besides who doesn't like spanking others? There could very soon be a spanking epidemic in the kinky bloggosphere. Now, I want you all to spank me when you enjoy what I write, so I'll add a little FetSpankIt paddle to my posts. But seeing as this is still quite new, I figured I'd give it some explanation! First of all, you can start by creating yourself an account on FetSpank. Once you've created your account, you can submit stories using the "Submit a story" button, located in the top right corner of the site. This is fairly easy, it's pretty much the same as posting on a blog. The other way to submit content is to add a FetSpank spanker directly to your posts on your own blog, as I'm about to do, and your readers will be able to vote for your post directly. Because that's the fun deal with FetSpank, once a story is up there, readers can vote for it, or "spank" it. The top stories, meaning the ones with the most spanks, are shown in a column on the right of the site at all times. So, if readers click on your little FetSpank spanker icon, what they're doing, in reality, is either voting for your post, if it's already up on FetSpank, or submitting it, if it wasn't up there. It's all done for you automatically. Cool uh? If you wanna copy me and add a FetSpank spanker to your posts so that your readers can vote directly, just copy and paste the code below and make it appear at the bottom or top of your posts. <a href="javascript:q=(document.location.href);t=(document.title);void(open('http://www.fetspank.com/submit?url='+escape(q)+'&title='+escape(t),'','resizable,location,menubar,toolbar,scrollbars,status'));" title="Submit to FetSpank.com" alt="Submit to FetSpank.com"><img src="http://www.fetspank.com/fetspankit.png" alt="Submit to FetSpank.com" /></a> You'll get a pretty little spanker, which pleases both the girlie girl and the geek in me:     You an also choose to add a smaller spanker or add a Marklet to your browser's bookmarks or toolbar, but I think I've been technical enough on you guys for a while... So for more details, go here: http://www.fetspank.com/node/127