Warning: PMS post
I hate PMS. Once a month, for a week, sometimes even two, hormones rage through my body, emotions run high. Awareness, knowing it’s that time of the month, makes no difference. I do my best, I try not to say the things the little voice inside my head, the voice of reason, tells me I shouldn’t say. But most often, hormones win.
This is the time I feel most insecure. Most days I’m fine with my body, my looks. But come this time of the month, everything about me is reason for feeling depressed. I feel inadequate, ugly, stupid, annoying, unwanted.
This is a time of questioning. If, when reading me, you’ve wondered at how easily I seemed to have embraced a kinkier lifestyle, well, here is your answer: I question it every month. I wonder if I’m kinky enough, dominant enough, for an experienced player like Boy Toy. I question my own wants, my motivations for doing some of the things we do.
I read about training and I wonder, should I have a “plan” with Boy Toy? Better defined rules with a clear goal for making him exactly what I want? Should I be harsher? Demand more? Is it really ok that I just love him, that I’m simply playful, and that out of everything I’ve experienced with him, what struck a chord with me the most was the idea that I own him?
I read other sexy, kinky blogs, some of them about BDSM and D/s, and I wonder if I’m doing enough. I read Boy Toy’s list of punishments and his notes of interest and I wonder. Is being my sub what he wants? Because I don’t think it’s what I want… Not all the time, at any rate. We can play at it, I’d love that. But 24/7? I just like the idea that I’m his “Owner” and that he loves me, is devoted to me. Is that ok?
And I can’t really ask him to reassure me because, being all hormony and emotional and generally crazy, if I try to express these things to him (and sometimes I do, despite the little voice telling me not to), they come out all wrong. He, understandably, doesn’t understand. I feel bad. Frustration.
And then…
And then it passes. I forget about these concerns, don’t even want to bring them up. Until the following month.
I could really do with a few tips on how to reduce PMS.
Category: Ramblings | 
6 Comments »
August 24th, 2008 at 2:50 am
How about a different tip. Ask him about these things when you aren’t hormonal, communicate and learn his opinion, and develop your belief in your relationship to such a point that you can keep reminding yourself when you are hormonal.
My 2 pence worth
M
August 24th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
I know… But when you’re PMS-y and hormonal, self-control is difficult. I work hard at it. I’ve also found that warning Boy Toy about my hormonal condition helps. He knows about it, and having admitted it myself, if he says “You’re just saying this because you’re PMS-ing” well then I can’t really argue with him
What remains to be determined, I think, is if there really are some underlying issues, or if this is just crazy-hormone talk. When and if I’m sure there’s really something, then I’ll bring it up… When I’m not in my PMS.
Thanks for the tip. Sometimes I wish men could experience PMS, I know it’s hard to grasp, on the male-end.
August 25th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
I do get pms! You know how women in the same house can get their cycles in line, well my wife and I think the same happens to me. Although to a lesser extent just before her period I usually have a couple of days of being more moody or grumpy. Very weird how it appears to have no cause, until you remember the date. Our worst arguments always happen at this time when we are both ratty, unless one of us remembers.
M
August 25th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
lol!! That’s adorable! Come to think of it, I think Boy Toy gets it too
hehe nooo but I don’t blame him for being a lil tense around me during that time of the month…
December 13th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Dear Lady,
I am not coming on to you. I am in a loving and committed relationship with my wife of for ever.
Given that, the so-called “PMS” is mistaken by both the bearers (you in this instance) and the receivers. If I were in your realm, I would try to make you feel comfortable by serving you in any way that pleases you. I realise that when the period is over you become more rational and to the point. At least, that is my experience. Still, any man in your life should see it that way.
If your Boy Toy can’t see it that way, please teach him. If he is any good, he will be better for you on the long run, and really appreciate the education.
December 14th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Susan’s pet: It’s a little hard for him to make it easier on me when I’m so irrational, really. But he does know about it, and he tries to be more patient. He’s not too bad at it
I’ve changed birth control pills, in the hopes that it’ll help, but the change in hormones has made it worse, so far! It can take a few months to settle down…