I hate PMS. Once a month, for a week, sometimes even two, hormones rage through my body, emotions run high. Awareness, knowing it’s that time of the month, makes no difference. I do my best, I try not to say the things the little voice inside my head, the voice of reason, tells me I shouldn’t say. But most often, hormones win. This is the time I feel most insecure. Most days I’m fine with my body, my looks. But come this time of the month, everything about me is reason for feeling depressed. I feel inadequate, ugly, stupid, annoying, unwanted. This is a time of questioning. If, when reading me, you’ve wondered at how easily I seemed to have embraced a kinkier lifestyle, well, here is your answer: I question it every month. I wonder if I’m kinky enough, dominant enough, for an experienced player like Boy Toy. I question my own wants, my motivations for doing some of the things we do. I read about training and I wonder, should I have a “plan” with Boy Toy? Better defined rules with a clear goal for making him exactly what I want? Should I be harsher? Demand more? Is it really ok that I just love him, that I’m simply playful, and that out of everything I’ve experienced with him, what struck a chord with me the most was the idea that I own him? I read other sexy, kinky blogs, some of them about BDSM and D/s, and I wonder if I'm doing enough. I read Boy Toy’s list of punishments and his notes of interest and I wonder. Is being my sub what he wants? Because I don't think it's what I want... Not all the time, at any rate. We can play at it, I'd love that. But 24/7? I just like the idea that I'm his "Owner" and that he loves me, is devoted to me. Is that ok? And I can't really ask him to reassure me because, being all hormony and emotional and generally crazy, if I try to express these things to him (and sometimes I do, despite the little voice telling me not to), they come out all wrong. He, understandably, doesn't understand. I feel bad. Frustration. And then... And then it passes. I forget about these concerns, don't even want to bring them up. Until the following month. I could really do with a few tips on how to reduce PMS.

Note from Elle: This post was written by Boy Toy, as an assignment I gave him. I had worn cock rings before but only in private, never to take a stroll down the street and I would have never even thought about dancing on a busy dance floor with one! But then Elle, or my Owner, demanded it, and it made me damn nervous. The thought of it falling off was very scary, and I'm sure it could in... extreme weather conditions... you know what I mean… But the night was warm, so I thought I’d try to satisfy her requirements. Friends were over, so I ran into the bathroom to slip it on.  At that point I was rather nervous. I pulled and tugged at it just to see how much loose there was, tried to guess if it might fall off. Seemed firmly in place. OK, pants back on... Hmmm, seems to make the guy parts bulge out a little much. Then the thought struck me that having an erection in public with this would be kind of way too much advertising. It's not as if you can aim “it” up or like, halt it fast through mind control. The vessels are a little tight with that thing on! So that was the first big worry. Once I got myself to walk out, the second worry snuck on me: the thought of it coming off, while some of our friends were there. So there I was, walking out of the bathroom. I was probably blushing a little. My Owner was there looking at me with a big smile. Her knowing what they didn't is probably her fun. At one point she sneaks a hand to verify that it's on. I think she can't feel it over clothing and doesn't believe me. I assure her I'm wearing it. I think she's thinking that she can check and punish, if need be, when we get back after our outing. So out we go, with me trying hard not to worry about it falling off, but going over the scenarios in my mind and trying to find good excuses to explain a ring falling from me. Around my circle of friends, they would laugh, of course, and it would be a great story for a long time... at my expense. *blush* So the night is hot, the ring is tight. I'm thinking I can master this, not in all temperatures, but this night is ok. And then the thought of me mastering this brings another thought, that I’m becoming the Lord of the Ring.